I'm so jealous in my relationship for no reason?

Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost two years (were both 20). My boyfriend is one of the most loyal, honest and committed guys I have met and we both love each other a lot. I know how much he loves me and he always says he wants to be with me forever. I have no reason to distrust him and he does nothing to make me jealous. He has always been a little bit insecure ever since we started dating. I am very confident and trust him a lot and was never jealous. I feel that he doesn't trust me completely, even though I am fully committed to him. He is very jealous when I go out and worries that I am going to break up with him (we broke up a few months ago for a few weeks when we had some problems). I never used to be jealous when he would go out to clubs or bars with his friends (which he does 3/4 weekends a month), but I feel as though HIS jealousy has some how rubbed off on me? I get really annoyed when he goes out with his friends, and get mad that he will be drunk around other girls without me. I have no reason not to trust him but I'm always angry and really jealous when he goes out now. I really don't know how to relax and trust him like I used to? Also, how can I get my boyfriend to fully trust me again?


What Guys Said 1

  • I lost my first love as a result of insecurity. There were so many guys whistling at her, trying to pick her up... it starts to dig into my brain, and combined with the fact that I built this whole fantasy of us together, being married, having children (being totally obsessed), I became paranoid about my most prized thing in the world being lost to me.

    I also never felt like I was deserving of such an attractive girl. My self-esteem wasn't that high. I thought I had won the lottery, with men daily trying to grab that lottery ticket out of my hand.

    And that's how I lost her, just the insecurity. No other guy, nothing. She just got fed up with my behavior, it was becoming unattractive to her.

    And that's how I learned how not to be insecure in future relationships. It's like the biggest obstacle to our relationship is me and my wandering mind, not other guys.

    It's hard to realize this before you learn it the hard way. But a thing to realize is that you can't monitor your lovers 24/7. You'll have to work, they'll have to work, etc. Someone's bound to make moves on them, and you just have to trust them, and your own appeal, enough to not worry about them making the wrong move.

    Most of all, it helps the health of any relationship if you two can talk to each other all the time, always keep an intimate and open communication. I find it easier to do, as a guy, when the girl and I are already kind of physically intimate (snuggling together, hugging, etc). It kind of helps me get over that male ego urge to repress those feelings and not talk about them.

    • The constant and intimate communication part is critical because that helps build trust in each other. You might found out the girl thought the guy who hit on her is just goofy and both laugh at that, something of this sort. It'll just help you build up your own self-esteem, trust in each other, boost the health of the relationship, even help in the bedroom, everything.

    • "find" sorry, not "found". And of course, this is from a male perspective, but I think it'd apply to females as well.

What Girls Said 1

  • I think the jealously you feel is reflected in yourself and if you feel partially maybe guilty because he doesn't trust you fully 100% anymore.