I'm 21. I've always focused on my academics throughout my life; I have a good head on my shoulders and a quick and sharp mind. It's one thing I do feel grateful for (my genes, upbringing, and ability to help my brain grow as best I can).
I'm also thankful of my genes for giving me a great body and face, and hair. Really, I wouldn't change anything about my appearance. I'm confident but not egocentric; I don't think I'm better than anyone; I'm just "aware" I have some nice physical attributes.
I've had a few bad experiences with men. It's shaped me to not take things in at face value and to make men work for me. As I would do for the right man. I will call out a guy if I disagree; I have no problem saying no; I am quick witted, and for the most part am quite reserved and don't mix with many people in general. I like being silent unless I feel the need to speak out of importance.
I really am kind though, and would do just about anything for anyone. I've been raised that way.
Guys act differently around me than other girls I've noticed. It's like I need to be the one to take initiative, and when I do, they're all for it (unless it's a super confident dude). I think guys give up on me quickly because I'm very reserved and speak truthfully if I speak, and I don't know.. It's ruining all my chances with guys because they never stick around long enough for anything. Also I had a guy friend tell me that it was normal for my boyfriend at the time to be jealous and have control issues because I'm very sexy and have guys after me, so I should just accept it and like him more for it. Is he right? Because of my looks it should be a given for a guy to become controlling and jealous because he loves me and doesn't want to lose me? I didn't buy into that so I left him. I'm just sad and lonely. I didn't know positive attributes & building the "self" or becoming stronger and more sure made it more difficult to form any kind of relationship?
Most Helpful Guy
I can only speak for me, I'd get bored if I couldn't have an intelligent conversation with a gal. Looks will matter to get someone attracted to you, and then everything else (personality, intelligence, etc) takes over. This isn't to mean to let your looks go, they just don't matter as much as in the beginning. Go with what the gals here have said, don't change yourself for a guy. Both you and he won't like the outcome.
As for your past experiences, I can see why you do some of the things you do. I do them as well (for a totally different reason, but that's neither here nor there).
And no, because of your looks, it SHOULDN'T (don't ask), matter that a guy become controlling. There are two reasons for this that I won't go into now.1
Most Helpful Girl
Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT, lower yourself in any way for a GUY.
You will find a guy who is on the same level as you, you literally just have to wait and continue being your amazing self until it happens. But don't go feeling like you need to come off as less intelligent and witty and aware in order to attract a guy---because the only guy that will attract is one who's on the same level as the girl you're PRETENDING to be, not the girl you ARE.
There are men out here who are just as smart and wonderful as you and don't settle for ANYTHING less. In fact, aim for someone even BETTER than you. Who can push you to be your very best best. That's what you deserve, not some scrub with fragile masculinity that's going to be constantly paranoid you'll find somebody better. The only guy who's worried his woman will find someone better is the guy that KNOWS he isn't on her level.3