Is giving up on dating the catalyst to actually being successful?

I'm a junior in college right now, and was really interested in this one girl who I had studied abroad with first semester. She seemed to enjoy my company a lot and I was super into her, but things got worse ever since we got back to the states. Over winter break she basically ignored my texts to try and stay in touch with her. And when we got back to college I asked her to come over to my apartment to hang, she said she would come, and just never showed up. She never texted me or called me that day or anything. Blew me off entirely, after I spent like an hour cleaning my apartment so it would look presentable. My friend who also knows her said she ended up going to a party that day. So I basically gave up on her. She texted me like a week ago asking how I was doing and I just didn't respond. I'm sick and tired of treating girls who I think could be special like a priority and they treat me like an option who they only contact if they are bored. Just awful. It's also kind of awk because she's in two of my classes, but so be it. So I've all but given up on dating in college because I just can't take any more of these painful experiences right now, and I want to graduate with high honors for Mechanical Engineering so I'm putting a lot of work into my classes to do so. I'm sure other people have been through things similar to this, but it seems to usually turn out okay for everyone in the end. I'm only 21, so I don't feel too down about not being successful in the dating world just yet, but it's still definitely frustrating. I want to do it with somebody sooner rather than later, and I want it to mean something and be special.


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What Guys Said 2

  • No, that isn't the catalyst to success in relationships. Truth is, it doesn't matter how hot you are, how much game you have, how much value or rep you have, at the end of the day MOST girls will not end up working out. It really sucks, it hurts an unbelievable amount, but at the end of the day when you find that girl that's right for you, it's worth it. But the only way to get there is to keep trying.

    The particular case you listed sounds like you waited too long and missed your window. Which does happen whenever you put girls up on a pedestal like you said you were. You're definitely taking steps in the right direction by attempting to stop that behavior and acknowledge that girls will make mistakes and that they have as many faults as guys do. But they aren't all going to treat you bad or play the silent game to try to end things. She was important to you and it hurts, and that's fine. Allow yourself to grieve about it for a bit, but not long. The most effective way to get over something like this is to start talking to new girls. Once you find new girls to think about instead, she just won't matter anymore. She'll still be in your classes and what not but that just won't effect you the same. But if you don't let yourself get out there and meet new girls, she isn't going to get off your mind. With time it will be less painful but you'll still be reminiscing on her and what could have been and continue to be bitter about it all, and that's not what you want for yourself.

    So go ahead and give yourself some time to be upset about it, that's how it's supposed to be. But don't allow yourself to be that way for more than a day or two, then get back out there and start talking to new girls

  • It doesn't matter really.