How to stop being used by women?

It's happened again for like the fourth time now. We've been so close for a year yet now she won't even talk to me. I always put in so much effort to make her happy, to make her feel loved. Yet it seems like she only felt that way when it was convenient for her.

I'm just so tired of this. I'm not a guy who sleeps around, I just want a girl who I can care for and love and her feel the same. Yet this keeps happening. How I can stop this? Should I just stop trying at all and be alone? Would it be better that way?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Stop giving. Or give with the knowlege that the gesture will not be returned. You will very likely never find a selfless woman. Those are quite rare.

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What Girls Said 10

  • You're too "wishy-washy." You R depending on the other person to keep a relationship interesting. Show me love and affection can be a way of sucking the life out of somebody if you're not contributing other things to the relationship. Do you have hobbies? Do you have your own friends? Do you contribute intelligent conversation? Or are you just sort of clinging on and saying "I love you, you're wonderful" all the time? That gets really, really old. Trust me.

    Also it stinks when every time you ask the guy what he wants to do he always says, "Oh I'll do whatever you want to do." Like really? You have zero personality? And yet the girl feels guilty for disdaining him because he really is nice and obviously cares about her and she must be crazy not to be super attracted to him but... she just isn't. So she tried to keep saying was going and tries to be a good person to him, but ultimately it falls apart. That's what it sounds like is happening to you.

    My advice is, focus on yourself for a bit. Play a little hard to get. Don't show all your emotions all the time. Be mysterious. Be independent. Make your own plans sometimes and don't be available every weekend. Wait until you see her show a similar level of interest before you express yours. This is a way of protecting your own heart.

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  • You start caring about yourself!

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  • do you put her on a pedestal? and if you do you should stop. stop putting her first in front of everything. also if you buy her things that she likes you're just spoiling her.

    you should also stop being available to her when she needs you. let her miss you a little bit. when a guy is around too much for me, I feel suffocated and I need some time to myself just like any person would when they just want to be alone.

    she just knows you'll always be there for her, so she doesn't pay much attention to you like you deserve.

    good luck.

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  • Stand your ground and tell her you don't care about her anymore.

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  • yeah some girls are extremely selfish and cunning so you have to make sure you are not being taken advantage of or being used. Maybe you should stop pursuing women for now and work on yourself. Be more selective and only go for quality women.

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  • Honestly thats exactly what i was doing to my ex, but i just stopped tlkin to him n he's text me but i moved on, n u can too. Dnt think of it as being alone, just go out with friends n forget about her, shell miss u, n wen she wans u, diss her cuz she doesn't deserve someone like u

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  • You should stop trying. Sure that would probably mean losing her but it will be all worth it once you find that one gal that loves you unconditionally.

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  • A variable needs to change, otherwise the cycle will keep repeating. Being respectful to your partner is good, but they also need to show you respect. Stand your ground and don't put up with it, say if she flakes on you the 2nd time. One chance, if something came up that's understandable. Any more and it feels like she's using you. Give some distance when this happens, and don't put in as much effort. It's a push and pull, there should be balance in a relationship, not all one sided.
    Maybe also try changing the type of woman you are going after.

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  • Don't put in so much effort

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    • but if you go distant or quiet they think you're not interested & move on anyway? Wheres the middle ground?

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    • Yeah i understand. Its a fine line though, i mean isn't this "mind games"?

    • I guess. In a way everything's a game when it comes to someone else...

      Sorry I'm having trouble explaining what I mean

  • because you and I arn't dating yet and haven't crossed paths

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What Guys Said 15

  • 1. Develop a lame personality.

    2. Stop masturbating and use cognitive processing therapy to weed out as much sexual thinking as possible.

    3. Reject their advances, if this, if you fail at this make sure you've worked on step 1, that or just make an excuse to leave the vicinity and then run.

    4. Learn Russian and move to Siberia to work on one of their new beef ranches they have just recently started up.

    5. Join a Monastery and become a monk.

    6. Move to very rural area in the US, rent a house as far from town as possible, I don't know what you would do for work, agriculture hand, farm hand, ranch hand, maybe a caretaker for a mansion in the Mountains in Estes park.

    7. Emulate Bruce Jenner, and just get it removed.

    8. Take estrogen and testosterone blockers.

    9. Get really fat.

    10. Waste your time on the internet and never go outside except for work and groceries.

    11. Train to climb a mountain, save up for mountaineering schools, become a mountain guide.

    12. Live in the wilderness of Siberia, the Yukon, the Andes, the Amazon, or some remote place.

    13. Go fight ISIS with the kurds? Knights of Rhodesia, or some Russian Security Firm (they hire anyone) and don't worry they fight the bad guys in the middle east, they don't fund them.

    14. Spend most of your time on the internet buy do not get involved in facebook drama and don't go down town bar hopping.

    15. Eat lots of asparagus, and fart whenever you feel like it, burp whenever you feel like it, etc

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  • i know how you feel man... I'm going through the same thing and every single time it happens it makes it harder and harder to open up to a new girl you like and tell them how you feel... It fuckin sucks... But love is worth it man... Just try to be more inquisitive... Try to gauge of this girl is a party chick who wants a 1 night stand or if she's a keeper... Can you see her committing the atrocious 1 night stand in your mind? Or do you find her so innocent that you can't even picture it? Think of it that way and act accordingly... If you think she's innocent then... Risk it man... Risk it for love EVERYTIME.. I have a lot of respect for you... And... For the record... These girls who do this shit to you don't deserve you at all... You shouldn't even look at them and if you do it should be a look of disgust...

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  • Stop trying so hard to "make" them like you. Just be yourself. If you're dating a girl and u see more red flags than you can handle you ditch her. If you're the type of person who falls in love easily then you need to start thinking with your brain instead of your heart. Stand your ground until a girl earns your heart and u earn hers. With respect too. Don't be afraid to end a possible relationship if you know it's not right for you.

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  • Boss up and let em know that they can be replaced. Don't be so dependent, call her on her shit, don't rush to them when they being all emotional; turn around and do your thing

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  • "How I can stop this?"

    Start being selfish. Let the new one know that you have certain whats and needs. If she can't keep up, then you move on. No point in wasting time.

    If you don't know what you want, lay off women until you have an idea.
    Take care and stay awesome, bruh!!

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  • You are giving too much of yourself and putting her needs above yours. Always take care of yourself first (unless you have a kid). Make sure you respect yourself; otherwise why would they? Build yourself up (do it for you) and stop running after just anyone who shows you love like a lost puppy. Never beg for love because it should be a two way street. I hope this helps.

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  • Pick up your dates in a bucket until you feel comfortable revealing you have a minimum wage job, and a porsche in the garage.

    http://momentcar.com/images/volvo-240-1985-4.jpg

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  • By being patient and focusing on your life/future and not girls. You lose $$$ chasing women, you get women chasing $$$.. u are better than those hoes try your hardest to believe that they don't deserve u if what u say is true don't be a suck a it's a turn off to them.

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  • Well I am quite in a situation like you, but from what I know, you should always be less invested in the relationship than she is... You need to invest time to yourself instead of her...

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  • Become a player.

    HMU if you have no game.

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    • lmao
      my advice was better
      a player? lol, you have a lot to learn... wait till you get a bit older, the good hand of cards goes to women... then, when you are about 35 you get the good hand again, but I don't believe its worth it by then, I don't know I'm not there yet

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    • Young grasshopper, lol

    • 21 and up, you will be disappointed till you are about 32-35 and that's if you can stay in shape and be financially stable, makes no diff for me - i'm opting out of the game for good

  • Never do something for someone else that you wouldn't do to yourself.

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  • Rotten luck you get with manipulative women.

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  • DON'T LISTEN TOO THESE WOMEN CAUSE THERE THE SAME WOMEN THAT USE MEN THEY ACT NICE BUT THAT'S IT

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    • *to
      Also, it's not a matter of women using men if the men go along willingly.

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    • @kaylaS91
      SEE GUYS ACTUALLY MESSAGE ME FOR ADVICE ON HERE
      AND GIRLS ACTUALLY MESSAGE ME TOO FUCK ON THIS SITE, HAD A BITCH THAT WANTED TO MARRY ME LOL FUCKING CRAZY BITCH
      I DON'T TRUST WOMEN CAUSE WOMEN DO KNOW THEMSELVES, MAYBE IF THEY ACTUALLY LOOKED AT THEMSELVES I WOULD BELIEVE THEM, BUT THEY DON'T

      THERE CONCENTRATING ON SOME STUPID SHIT THAT DOESN'T MATTER PROBABLY THE NEXT DICK THEY CAN SHOVE DOWN THERE THROAT LOL HAHAHA

      GOOD JOB ON HELPING SOCIETY LADIES LOL, SO YOUR WORDS MEAN NOTHING

    • ... no. I don't see anyone messaging you. Please save your rants riddled with teenage agony for your diary.

  • You're going over board on the 'not sleeps around'.

    Stop investing effort in women who aren't jumping your dick.

    Yes, i could have said it more nicely. But you need that to get into your head. You don't want to sleep around, don't. But that does NOT mean you should buy into the anti-premarital-sex mythology that suggests sex is low priority or that you should wait indefinitely.

    If a girl doesn't have hangups and is genuinely attracted to you, she'll want you sexually and want to please you. She'll be trying to get in your pants, and crave being the one to satisfy you. Girls who aren't like that? assume they're not into you. It's possible they're sheltered virgins with burning hot sex drives they are currently repressing, but most likely... they're not. Meet more girls, be friendly and fun and open about what you want in a relationship, and the ones who want you back, if you like them, start dating them, and if they're putting a lot in - trying to make you happy in all ways, then you give lots BACK as well, and both of you feel like you're so lucky.

    Stop trying to win girls over. It doesn't work. She will like or not like you based on who you ARE, and how you treat EVERYONE OTHER THAN HER. if she already likes you, she'll be delighted by you making her happy and feel loved. But if she doesn't, pouring it on is just wasting your love on someone who doesn't want it.

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  • because you are a beta, needy white knight. you immediately need to watch some rsdtyler videos in youtube

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