He does not pay = He's not interested?

I had 3 nice dates with a guy I met online.

He calls and text me often, suggests nice date ideas, but never pays.

Yesterday he asked if I wanted to go to the restaurant, I said yes, then when the bill arrived we split the check. Then we went to the movies and he paid for both because the cashier gave him 2 tickets. I paid for the popcorn and drinks because I felt like he did not want to pay for both tickets and I felt bad.

It's not like he is poor he is an engineer in a big firm, drives an expensive car and still lives with his parents who are rich.

Later that night he asked me if I was ok in my budget for the activities we do. ( so he made it clear he wants to split all the time ).

I really feel like he doesn't want to pay because he doesn't like me enough. Like I'm not good enough so he doesn't need to impress me.

What do you think?

Thanks for opinions,


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Since he seems like an educated type, he might be doing this out of the principle of equality as a forward thinker.

    I won't call you a hypocrite since you might still believe in more traditional values like woman as house wife, having kids, etc., which might go hand-in-hand with the idea that men should show how much they care for a woman out of their wallet.

    Things get awkward in the transitions towards this kind of futuristic society, where women still aren't always being treated fairly when it comes to employment, where you have some guys like this who might believe very strongly in taking action sooner towards equality, etc.

    But we can't fight these trends or else we get stuck in the awkward grey zone.

    I'm still kind of traditional and maybe even slightly sexist/chauvinistic, so I tend to pay for women. I'm kind of weak in that way: I put my desire for a nice female bum above social principles.

    Yet this is probably exactly the type of men we need in the future for a more equal society. I have a lot of admiration for him.

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    • I agree with the fact that times are changing. But a lot of men are still associating money with power and success as a male. And he seems to be that type of guy for what I know of him he likes money and nice expensive things. This is why I feel strange when he doesn't pay - I directly feel like Im not good enough and he doesn't need to impress me.

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    • Sorry I am french what is skimping out?

      So you think it's a good sign and he is maybe testing to see how it could work if we were a couple?

    • Possibly so. "Skimping out" just means like kind of being cheap and trying to save money on everything.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Personally I automatically pay for myself every date at least until we get serious. Official. I think it's a waste of money if it goes no where with that person. But I do feel once you become a true couple you should take turns paying.
    I use to barely make any money when I started dating my now husband. We went on 6 dates and I realized I can't keep affording these places he wants to go. So I started making excuses for not being able to go out with him. He makes a lot of money as well. Because of that I was uncomfortable telling him I can't afford to date him. He also came off as the party loud have a big night out type of guy. We stopped talking but months later we ran into each other and he asked if I wanted to go over his place for dinner. I said yes because I wouldn't have to pay. Lol He started catching on after that and our dates were more low-key. Until we got serious then he never let me pay. Just because he's not paying right now doesn't mean he doesn't like you a lot. Try getting to know each other without costly dates.

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What Guys Said 19

  • This the 21st century, woman. You're supposed to split the bill.

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  • No, he doesn't wanna pay cause he doesn't wanna deal with leeches. He's rich, and you know it. You know how many girls will use him for his money if they could? Way too many.
    Splitting the bill is his way of seeing if you're with him for the money, or for him.

    Why do girls always have to relate the amount of money a guy spends on her, with whether he likes her or not?

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  • Okay, so I'm the kind of guy who *likes* paying during the stages, but even I find this weird. I mean, you said the following words yourself, but you're doubting his interest in you because he wants to split the bill?

    "I had 3 nice dates"

    "He calls and text me often, suggests nice date ideas"

    He's probably just not a traditional dude when it comes to dating, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't like you. I'm pretty surprised to hear so much doubt given what you wrote, and again, I'm a man who *likes* to pay during dating stages.

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    • "Honestly I really am physically attracted to him and I would have been a lot more physical if he paid without looking at prices."

      Yikes.

  • If he wasn't interested, he wouldn't have gone on those dates with you

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  • If you don't want sex by the third date does that mean you're not interested?
    That he's not good enough and you dont feel the need to impress him?

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    • Honestly I really am physically attracted to him and I would have been a lot more physical if he paid without looking at prices. Not ONLY because of that - of course - but it's the only thing bothering me. Everything else is right. he's good looking, polite, intelligent, interesting.

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    • He has to make me feel desired. Maybe You are right and he has another way of thinking. But it's very new for me to have someone split everything when he invites me somewhere.

    • *cough cough* GOLD DIGGER!!! *cough cough*
      Sorry, but she's making it way too obvious xD

  • I wouldn't say he doesn't like you, maybe he just has principles. To me, it makes sense to not pay for someone in the beginning and start doing that later on when you are close enough. Otherwise, you're technically paying for the privilege of a stranger's company. Why should I pay for a stranger? Maybe that's his logic.

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  • I doubt it's because he's not interested. If he wasn't interested he wouldn't of gone on dates with you. It could just be the fact that he believes in splitting the bill down the middle. I don't think it has anything to do with not wanting to impress you. You are most likely good enough.

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  • It is weird that you equate him not wanting to spend money on you as lack of care. We live in different times where both men and women aren't expected to pay for dates. Women wanted equality now live with it, HYPOCRITE!!!

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    • Okay... calm down lol. All I am saying is, what if you were dating the girl of your dreams, ok? like Megan Fox is with you, would you pay for her? You would want to impress her? I'm just trying to understand.

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    • @asker then I wonder why women fight for equality.

    • So then you should pay for the dates to impress him right?

  • No dude! It's 2016! This isn't the 50s anymore.. He wouldn't be spending any money if he wasn't interested in you... He's just one of those guys who doesn't feel like he should be buying you this and that... It's way early in the game for that anyway... If he likes you ENOUGH he MIGHT eventually start paying for you more often... But don't expect it a lot... He's established and expects you to be too... This is how it should be... When I'm at the bar with my friends I don't buy all the beer... They buy their beers and I buy mine... If they say something funny I may buy them a shot lol... Why should it be any different with a date.. Seriously.. Give me one good reason I should pay for everything you do and eat? Weren't you paying for your food before you started dating this guy?

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  • Every situation is different, based on everything you said. He's cheap af

    I understand not paying all the time but to draw lines when he has the funds is silly. To draw lines is silly

    I've been on dates but haven't paid but when I really like a girl I want to do things for her. I don't think he feels that or he's just cheap af lol

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    • That's what I think too. It's really attractive when a guy doesn't hesitate to pay doesn't care about money on a date. It doesn't matter if it's a 2$ coffee or an expensive restaurant. And then I feel secure and desired and I feel like giving too.

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    • @AleDeEurope

      I guess the interpretation would be that when you see something you really want, you naturally assess the risk and reward. Is it worth the risk of creating a ripple in the pond thats unnecessary at this point? Thats really the question here... she's not going to leave him just because he didn't pay, but it leaves a unsavoury taste when things like this happen and gets her thinking. She can sense him cringe because he had to buy two tickets­čśĽ

      A perfect examples is when you go on vacation and you see this really expensive item you can't get back at home. But you still pay top dollar because its something you really want and if you dont buy it, you risk losing it forever.

      Same idea, her conundrum is If im that girl thats unique and seems special to you why you you risk creating a ripple in the pond so soon. By doing that, it signifies her worth to some extent (referring back to the rare item). If you really want something, you will cross all your T's and dot all your i's.

    • @AleDeEurope

      To add to that, she in fact did pay for the food. So its a very unnecessary thing to say that just adds negative energy to something that was neutral or positive.

  • This guy sounds awesome, he treats you like an equal and not like a dependant.
    If you want a traditional relationship find a traditional guy.

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  • Why can't women split the bill once in a while? I mean women these days are all like I don't need men's money because they can earn their own.

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  • Not paying in the first date seems only logical. Since you don't even know if this girl will agree to a second date. You shouldn't take it as a sign of no interest, unless you equal interest to $$$

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    • What about a first date and the girl is 100% perfect to you. You wouldn't want to miss a chance to see her again? Would you pay for her?

    • Then again if she doesn't want to see me again because I chose not to pay on the first date she doesn't seem to be right after all, does she?

    • Ok well I hope it is his way of thinking I am not used to that and I hope he is truly interested.

  • He obviously likes you. He just most likely has a different view of the dating experience. He may believe you are equals and thus doesn't feel the need to pay for you all the time. He may think that he would be diminishing you if he paid for you ( considering you're a grown woman). Maybe he has had bad experiences in the past where someone was just after his money. Idk! That is the beauty of communication... So talk to him!

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    • Is it ok to talk about money after 3 dates? What do you suggest I tell him?

  • You earn, you pay. Why are all them feminists quiet now?

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  • i dont think its because he dosnt like you just trying to divide things equaly

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  • sounds like a smart guy

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  • I think it's sad that him treating you as an equal is a bad thing to you.

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  • So by that logic, since you never offered to pay for him, does that mean you're not interested?

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    • Hm, not really. I do think men and women show interest differently. Every time I see him, I take time to dress well, look my best etc... I stay very open and always say yes to dates... but I do like men to lead. That's why I feel like he sees me more as a friend.

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    • I still feel like he might be seeing multiple women... but I hope you are right and I will try to change the way I see it...

    • Times are changing... if you can't trust him, then don't waste his time.

What Girls Said 15

  • Or, and here's a crazy thought, he wants someone to act and be treated like an equal instead of expecting it to be "the man's job to pay the bill".

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  • This post is the very definition of entitled female/gold digger.

    I can't even take it seriously.😂

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  • Look man thats just a turn off for me. I am old fashion. I don't know but you can take it up with my father. I would love for him to pay for it. Because it say something about how he was raised. Like he not selfish he giving. That sweet in my book. Notice there actions. I guess if I was in your situation I would be a little upset and I would tell him I couldn't afford to spend my money like he can. And I guess its just walking me home is a date than.

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  • Instead of asking us. Why not ask him directly and tell him how you feel? Maybe he just takes longer to get used to being with another person. Three dates could still feel to soon for the guy.

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  • I think when women voted for equality this is what they probably didn't want. he's just being fair in splitting the bill. in my opinion I don't think he thinks of dating you as serious yet so he's splitting the bill with you. also on the other hand that equality thing comes in to mind when I read this so he could just be giving you what all women fought so hard for.

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  • it sounds like its still very early in the dating game, dude. its very normal for especially early couples to split the bill so in case no spark builds up, one side doesn't lose so much. i wouldn't perceive it as him not seeing you as good enough. the fact that he asked if your activities together were affordable for you acualy sounds like he is wary and caring of cost which is a good thing. dont worry about this and focus on your chemistry together

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  • I think it's pretty ridiculous that HE is the one who asked you out yet expects you to split the check. I would be blunt with him the next time he askes you out and tell him that you find it awkward/uncomfortable that he does this.

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    • This is how I feel too.

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    • @ak666 I agree. Miss the high school years when kissing meant official couple haha!

    • Yes, something like this -- also just like the idea of a male and female being able to go out together and do something just between themselves without either perceiving the other as wanting anything romantic or sexual out of it. I like the idea of the romance or sexual interest occurring a bit more spontaneously, without the activity itself being some kind of courtship ritual.

  • Is there any romance or fooling around on these "dates"?

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    • A bit of flirting but no kissing yet...

    • You two aren't dating, you are two friends hanging out. When two friends hang out together, they split the costs. If you ever get past the friends stage, it's his role to pay for the first date. Until that day comes, what he is suggesting is totally appropriate.

  • I'm not sure. I would rather pay half so that he doesn't expect anything in return.

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    • Yeah that is the problem, I feel like if I pay my half it = friends and no romantic expectations

    • It's better that way. You won't "owe" him anything if you aren't feeling it. If you demand he pays for you, you're going to fuck it up lol. Seriously. He's going to think you just want to use him or something.

    • haha yeah it should come from him not me

  • Him splitting the bill isn't necessarily related to how much he likes you.

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  • I mean do you have money?

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  • A man should always pay on the first date. Period. I would've been turned off immediately. For him to even inquire about your finances is out of line.

    With that said, by date three, it doesn't hurt to offer going dutch. In my experience, I'm never expected to go dutch. However, if things have been going well and he shows me a great time, I'm eager to treat for after dinner drinks or dessert.

    People have become far too cynical with this feminist social propaganda. A man picking up your tab is an honorable gesture. There's nothing chauvinistic about being treated as a lady. It's give and take on both ends at a certain point but I'm a gal who still believes in chivalry and traditional courtship.

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  • I think that a guy should pay on the first 3 dates for everything. Then you could either take turns paying or split everytime

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  • If he need to pay to show interest, you need to suck his dick to express your interest.

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    • I would love to have sex with him but I don't feel like he likes me enough and I don't want a one way relationship.

    • Ah, I think I understand your dilemma. You want to fuck him, but you don't want to appear cheap and thus need a justification to fuck him to calm your conscience "I'm not promiscuous, I'm just repaying kindness with kindness!"
      Next time, hint at him that your budget is tight and you will give him sex for free dinner. That way either both can win by having sex, or both can win by realizing it's a waste of time because one wants a traditional man and one wants a modern woman.

  • He's not into you enough... A guy who really likes a girl a whole bunch will want to pay because he cares for her.. Especially if he makes more money... Splitting is okay but only later on in the relationship when you've been together a while.

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