Will I ever find someone that truly loves me for who I am and not just because I am beautiful?

I've been thinking about this a lot... All my life people said that I am beautiful, stunning, sexy, almost every single guy looks or stares at me wherever I am, whatever I am wearing, even no make up, sports suit kind of days. So you get it. Of course, I like being noticed and I like knowing that I can attract men. The problem is that every single guy that has dated me only seemed to like me for my looks, deep down. I have so many other qualities, I am a smart, independent woman and my personality at the end of the day kind of scares them away, because they see I am a serious kind of girl, the girl you should marry and not f**k. In all my relationships it looks like they never actually really cared about me, about my safety and well being and happyness, you know? So I've been hurt a lot in the past.

So... if every single guy that approaches me or gets interested JUST because of my looks, I think I'll never get the chance to actually have a guy wanting to date me with the genuin intention of getting to know me. And the shy and good guys will never have the courage to actually approach, because they seem to be very scared of doing that and since their looks don't particularly attract me, I'll never have the chance to get to know them.

Does anything of this make sense to you?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Here is the deal; there are very sweet real guys who want something real, but they'll also probably initially approach you for your body, me and ever guy my age I know who only want real relationships tend to be MORE selective looks wise than the hookup guys, not saying that's all we care about but you have to understand humans are wired to be physical. I embrace that and won't lower my standards for the world, so while a guy may approach you for your looks, you should refrain from sex for as long as possible; as that will show you if he stays, he cares more than just about the lust he feels, while he's attracted to you, he respects you enough to wait and must value your ideals and opinion, because while we serious type guys do go for looks initially I've turned away plenty myself when I've learned they were airheads, so it's not all looks but they are needed,

    Basically we are out here, and we'll probably be attracted to you physically first, but hopefully you find one of us so that guy also sees you're other qualities as well. But you can't expect a guy to not be attracted to your body if you're as beautiful as you say, believe me, it's better that than opposite, I lost my hair to shock when my father died, I pull it off well but hear comments about half being ugly all the time, don't bode well but hey my standards on personality AND looks are set-if I die I alone that's better than settling period. I'd much rather have your problem physically than mine.

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    • I loved reading every single thing you said.
      Thank you so much for that. You sound like an amazing guy, I wish you the best, with all my heart. You opened my eyes in some new ways and perspectives.

What Guys Said 8

  • How are they supposed to know anywhere near enough about you to compliment you about the rest of it without ever getting to know you first? And if a guy were to approach you and say that you're smart, you're independent, and they admire what you do, wouldn't you freak out and assume that he's a crazy predatory stalker or something? If you let any of who you are on the inside show on the outside, in the way you hold yourself, your attitude and your general ambience, then guys will pick up on it and approach you because of that. If you're completely clossted though, shutting yourself off and wearing a facade everywhere, then of course good guys aren't going to ask to date you with the intention of getting to know you- they'll be able to see that you're uncomfortable with letting people in emotionally, and that you hypocritically don't want people to ask you out unless they themselves are impossibly hot, so they'll give you a wide berth and leave you well alone. It's calling "respecting boundaries".

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  • I think it might help to search for love through people who share your interests. You might find a prince charming there with whom you have something in common, and not merely attracting him on your looks alone. Looks also tend to fade over the years, so it might actually get easier at that point.

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  • Yes.
    A lot of girls think their life woul be great if they were super pretty and stuff like that... but they are so wrong.

    Advices... those are hard...

    Try to get with people that share the same interests than you. Make them like you also for your intelectual values. Something that give you an opportunity to mold friendship relationships. Other reasons that can make them like you, and invite you for doing other stuff than... sexual oriented ones.

    What do you like to do? What can you do? Hobbies? talents?
    What are your values?
    Where can you get to know people with the same life passions?

    Try to avoid being a natural flirter

    That's why i think you should try to develop friendship relationships, and not

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  • Ya well your explanation I believe says it all. While your looking for and want a lasting meaningful relationship you are also being as shallow as the men your explaining. While physical attraction is a part of every relationship you've admitted you won't even give a nice guy a chance because he's not physically appealing to you. And while physical attraction again is important it's such a small part of a meaningful loving relationship.

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  • I really couldn't say *shrugs* I hope you do though I'd like the same thing.

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  • Yeah 💁🏻 but stop being so dramatic

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    • Maybe I am being a little dramatic, yes... but all my life there's been this pattern in relationships you know?

    • Don't worry it's cool I get it

  • So you should approach the guy u want. Go for it

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  • i can do that :)

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What Girls Said 6

  • i understand. i feel the same way. the hope is just that someday we will. it can't be that unrealistic... right?

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  • I think you should approach a sweet, quiet guy then :) I understand the struggle, it sucks the world we live in where appearances matter so much...

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  • I can relate , but eventually it will proceed if you allow them to find you. Don't stress because the tons of guys that may come your way are most lilely drawn to your beautiful looks.

    Thats one thing about me that scares most guys away who come and approach and after the second day or when i feel like i know them a bit then i am into the real "me" . I am very sassy, controlling , truly sarcastic. I'm just the type to cut someone off and not let them know why then it cause drama. But there was one guy who handeled it because he was older and we had for some reason he just was so into me... Over time i cooled down because i seen he was serious and actually trying.

    But when he constantly mentioned anything about my "looks" all the beauty compliments then it became annoying. Sometimes certain things can blind the real point of the situation. Afterall , you'll just never know.

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  • Yes you can find! Just keep believing :) I do not have problem that guy think I am beautiful haha But some guy say that to me, and I think he loser with low standard. So it difficult for me to find guy that can see I am ordinary girl and accept me for that. Many blind guy think every girl beautiful.

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  • I deal with the same thing. I've learned being friends first and just talking on a platonic basis is the answer.

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  • Just don't go for shallow guys

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