Difference between hard to get and attention seeking?

How can you tell the difference between someone who is playing hard to get and someone who is just using you for attention?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Hard to get could mean they really don't want you but times when they really are interested girls are many times just protecting their hearts. They like you but don't want to put their heart out on the line for fear of being hurt. Once you prove yourself they will open up dramatically and very quickly. If they are attention seeking they will act super interested but will never take anything further than they have to. They just string you along as long as they can for their ego and any gifts or money that may be spent on them. Like I had a friend who would date for dinner, if you weren't spending g money on her she wouldn't go out with you at all. I mainly went on cheap or free dates in the beginning so I didn't feel like I was using someone. Does that make since?

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    • Okay I think so, yes. I assume they "do want you" in the first sentence? So what if they come on strong, they still ask about your life, they share personal details about theirs, openly admit they like you, offer a counter offer to a missed date/non-confirmed date but then flake on the counter offer they made?

    • I think everyone deserves a few chances because things really do come up. But don't keep it up forever. She could be doing it to feel special but have no real interest in youor it cold be legitimate. Id give her maybe one more chance and be done. There are other girls out there and even if it was all legitimate you have to protect your heart as well. You know?

Most Helpful Guy

  • The term attention seeking, in my opinion, describes someone who simply wants to be acknowledged and perhaps admired, etc for one or various reasons (perhaps for their looks or to simply feel validated, for example) by an individual or a group. The attention seeker, in many cases, often do not readily, if at all, reciprocate the attention they seek.

    Inconsistent behavior and availability are signs of playing hard to get ( one minute she conveys interest in you, and the next minute... not so much ) to keep you guessing about her interest and, perhaps, to influence you to try harder to date her, etc.

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    • This is a great answer! So if they're providing some attention as opposed to taking it all then they're unlikely to be attention seeking? Would you say that's a key feature of it?

    • "So if they're providing some attention as opposed to taking it all in they're unlikely to be attention seeking."

      Ideally.

      Give me a scenario?

    • I sent you a follow, if you can follow me back I can give you the exact situation

What Girls Said 3

  • sounds like the same thing.

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  • More details pls, like is she a gold digger, is she using you to make someone jealous

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  • if they're playing 'hard to get' for multiple people, its attention seeking

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What Guys Said 5

  • I'd say playing hard to get is usually a form of attention speaking, but targeted at one individual. Someone who's generally attention-seeking will want it from just about everyone.

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    • Not sure if that properly answers the question, but it might help to pay attention to her in general, kind of look outside the context of chasing her and observe.

    • Hmm, and is there a way to differentiate if it's attempted at one person vs many?

    • Just maybe watch her behavior around people. An attention seeker will probably flirt a lot with everyone, dress up really pretty all the time, kind of manipulate everyone into paying attention to her. Hard to get will just manipulate you.

  • Hard to get is an attitude. It's not always the case that they don't want you but they want you to really work for it. You might even see a wall around them but with gentle efforts, you see that the wall thins down progressively.

    However, if they don't feel you at all or if they are like that in general, then you will constantly see the same cold response and behavior.

    As for the 2nd case in question, you will notice friendliness and openness, but you will always feel like in the end, they keep ditching you for someone more attractive to them. And they keep. doing that to you. It won't stop.

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  • Only one way to find out is to test the waters a little bit

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  • If you can make her jealous then it's not for attention. Women don't get jealous for men they are not interested in.

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  • The difference is the intention behind it.

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    • Well how do you identify intent?

    • One is meant to draw a certain person in. If she's playing hard to get, she's probably interested but she's not making it easy. Attention seekers on the other hand are just fishing for compliments or favors.

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