Should I tell him I have a kid?

We just started going out and we haven't really established yet what we're doing. I'm still figuring out if he likes me or just wants sex. In any case I have a kid which I haven't told him about. I don't know if I should tell him right away or wait until I know what this is.
The way I see it is that he doesn't need to know about that serious part of my life if he's not even going to stick around esp if he's just in this for sex.
What do you think?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The longer you wait the harder this conversation will be. Think about it this way, what if the two of you catch feelings, and then a few months down the road you have the following conversation "I think it's fare for you to know that I have a child..."
    "What!, Wait a minute, why did you wait so long to tell me, I _______ kids, and I am ____ with this." (fill in your own blanks with both sets of answers) and see where this could lead.
    Much better would be, "You know, just so you know I have a child, he/she is a wonderful boy/girl and if we get closer I would like for you to meet him/her, but not now."

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    • I'm going to do it soon I know that. The more we spend time with each other the more he'll need to know this about me. It'll be our third date on Saturday and I guess it's a good a time as any to let him know. I guess it's beneficial for me too because that way I won't have to waste time with him if in the end he doesn't want a woman with kids. I just don't want him to think I'm looking for a new dad because I'm not. I'm looking for me.

    • Just be honest, if he's at all a decent person then he'll be good with it.

    • Thanks for MHO

Most Helpful Girl

  • ... We just started going out and we haven't established yet what We're doing.
    If Nothing has been etched in stone while you are still alone, @Stella517, the Writing on my own wall and all is telling me you Both should See where it might go, Hopefully Nurse and Nurture something special, and if you do see that with this guy, things are going in a Direction of "More serious," sit him down, face to face, and... Face him down With... What this is.
    If he cares about you, Anything Else will be a Given... Unconditionally and this Chance for Romance would have been Written in the Book of Love.
    Good luck. xx

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    • Thank you!!
      This is why I am waiting to see if this is going to end up being more serious or not. But if it won't be then we don't need to have the serious discussion about my life.

    • Exactly!! And even if it is Not just telling someone "Oh, by the way, I have a kid," Many people Wait with a potential Mate to Perhaps Say Other Things that have been Hidden in the Wings and secrets just kind of come out of a cozy closet... So welcome. xx

    • Thank you, sweetie, for the Vote of Confidence. xxoo

What Guys Said 12

  • I think it's a good idea. The problem is that if he *doesn't* like kids, he's going to be really upset the later you tell him. If he *does* like kids, he might be upset if you tell him late. If he's just in it for sex, it probably won't matter, but in the odds that he wants more than that, this is very important information for a relationship.

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    • I must pose the question, are you just in it for sex?

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    • That's another thing too. I'm not looking for a father for my child, he's got me already. So I don't want to give him the wrong impression. What I'm doing is for me with my child in mind of course. So I need a way to convey to him that I am simply just stating this fact and not asking him to step up and be a father

    • I see, you could just say it like that, keep it all light for him, and see how he responds.

  • You should have told him before you started dating. It is an enormous piece of baggage. Some guys are ok with it, some are not. Even if you are just using him for sex, you should still let him know right away, although he will know as soon as he sees your belly.

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    • The reason I wanted to see if this was just for sex is because I usually don't involve my real, personal life with people I'm just having sex with. They don't need to know that about me. All they need to know is what were doing. I keep my personal life separate from my real life because I care about that more.

    • So you are not looking for advice on what you SHOULD do, you are looking to confirm what you are already doing?

  • Personally, I'd like to know by the 3rd date at the latest. You can hold off on telling him on the first date unless it's brought up if you think it might scare him away since he doesn't know much about you.

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    • My thoughts exactly! I'm having my third date this Saturday and I was going to see how that goes. If I see it going beyond the third date and it have actual meaning then I'll tell him. But I decided if this is just sex then he doesn't need to know that about me.

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    • Maybe it's best to sit him down at the beginning of the date and talk about it. Your call.

    • I was actually going to wait until the end of the date. Once we've been through it all; I've judged his Intentions. Most likely it will end with sex. Once that's over I will decide to tell him or not.

  • Sooner the better

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  • you have to definitely

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  • Tell them you have a kid that will answer about a half of your questions

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  • That's something that should be one of the first things a person knows about you.

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  • You can't expect him to be honest and up front if you're not going too.

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  • Yes, this is important vital information.

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  • I would think that would be quite important

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  • I'd tell him sooner rather than later.

    If it's just sex, he won't care.

    If it's not just sex, sooner the better.

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  • Tell him. If you tell him right now and he doesn't want a woman with kids, he will leave. If you wait and he finds out you have a kid and he doesn't want a woman with kids... he will still leave.

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    • That's a good point. He will leave if he wants to and stay if he wants to no matter when I tell him.

What Girls Said 4

  • Well, in my opinion, it depends on what it is you want from this guy. If you're okay with just hooking up then it may be okay to let it go for a while, but if he ever wants anything serious, he'll likely be bothered that you didn't tell him. I'd say by the second or third date it should come up at the latest, if not earlier, if you actually have serious intentions yourself.

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  • Hon, I think the longest I could possibly wait to bring my kids into a conversation would be... lessee... maybe 1 minute and 17 seconds.

    How could you possibly go a whole date without mentioning this? Hm?

    Not seeing it...

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  • If you think this is going to turn into a relationship and that's what you want you should be honest. Because not everyone who dates/wants a relationship is ready to be with someone who has a child. It's just the honest and fair thing to do so that if it's an issue you guys can prevent going further and getting caught up in feelings and someone being hurt because it's not what the other is looking for

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    • I'm only going to tell him if I think this is going to turn into an actual relationship. If this is nothing more than sex the way I see it is that he doesn't need to know about my personal life, my real life. Does that make sense?

  • well if u are trying to find out if he only wants sex then i would tell him and if he sticks around its likely that he's not only in for sex but for a relationship as well

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    • Good point! That is a good test! Thanks!
      Or he can also stick around just for the sex and he doesn't mind women with children.

    • That is true as well, i guess you will just have to see

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