I saw someones question about "nice guys" and almost everyone had something negative to say. Mostly boring and predictable. Why is that so bad? I don't consider myself a "nice guy" but I honestly try to be. I like myself better when I dole out compliments to someone I like. I focus so much on every little negative that I'd rather be focusing on everything awesome about the girl rather than anything else and that inspires me to do dumb little things like leaving her a random sweet note or making her chocolates or cookies. I understand how that's predictable but come one, why is that so bad? What's wrong with knowing, predicting that you'll stumble across a note the guy wrote for you saying he cares about you?
Maybe it's just the women my age (22) that like a bit more uncertanty in their life and the only reason I think that is because I've had more women over 30 try to hit on me than the NONE around my own age. I am exadurating.
This was a bit of a rant soooo yeah but still... what the hell?
Most Helpful Girl
You have to know the difference between guys who are actually nice and Nice Guy jerks. Genuinely nice guys are awesome people who are amazing to be around because they're nice people. Nice Guys are not fun or awesome to be around. They tell you how "omg I'm so nice but all those evil bitches take advantage of me and treat me like shit so all women suck anything but my dick wah" That's why no one likes Nice Guys.
It sounds like you need to stop only looking at the "nice" parts of a girl and look at her as an entire human being. Don't give people presents unless you've known them for a long time or you have a solid personal connection. Otherwise you're putting them in an awkward position where they feel indebted to you. Don't just think about how you feel in a situation. Think about how you're making others feel.8
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Most Helpful Guy
I used to be one of those until I kind of changed my whole attitude and started doing much better in the social realm. Some of this will be a criticism of my past self and not necessarily all "nice guys".
The difficulty is that this kind of "nice guy" tends to be rather pathetic. He might be reluctant to strongly disagree with friends or, even more likely, a girl he likes. There's a loss of genuineness there when your responses are always eager to please. "Oh, that's not my favorite but it's nice." A more assertive and genuine response might be, "I really don't like that at all." He's kind of an ass kisser, not assertive, always trying to be so considerate.
That lack of assertiveness can carry all the way into the bedroom. "Excuse me please, would you mind moving your leg a little bit, is that okay with you?"
Mostly it's not manly. A man doesn't just spend all his time giving everything. He sees something he likes and he takes it if he can, grabs it with firm hands.
With women, they can sense if you're this kind of ass-kissing type, eager to walk underneath their shadow. They're often looking for someone that stands tall, treats them like an equal, not one to be put on a pedestal. Your position in a social hierarchy is not necessarily gained through prestige alone, but how you carry yourself. If you want to be popular, you have to somehow act like a popular person would (but without rubbing it in), independent, not always trying to be affectionate to every single person, stand tall.
There's also just a level of pathetic with nice guys when it comes to women. There's a romantic mindset that just confessing your deepest love to a woman is enough to get her to fall in love, completely missing out on the idea that this is an independent person seeking attractive qualities. Mindsets follow like, "She deserves to be with someone who really cares about her [ME!]". As selfless as the outward actions are, there's usually an inherent selfishness, "she deserves someone nice like *me*".
All of these things affect behavior in a way where we work ourselves to the bottom of the social hierarchy. If you act like a person who shines people's shoes for a living, you get treated like someone who shines people's shoes for a living.
Most of all, you have to develop a positive image of yourself, not weight your value on simply pleasing others, but also pleasing and asserting yourself.
To be kind, gentle is a good quality, but nice guys of this sort finish last.6