How do I deal with post rejection awkwardness?

I consider myself a relatively confident guy who generally doesn't have a problem interacting with women, however I admittedly find myself not approaching as many women as I feel I should, which means I find myself single more often that not.

Many times the reason that I seem to hesitate when it comes to approaching women, is because I'm afraid of the aftermath if she rejects me. Many times the people we try and date are people we have some level of personal relationship. They might be a friend, coworker, classmate, teammate, or part of the same organization. Rarely do we ask out complete strangers. This adds an whole new element.

I frequently find myself talking myself down from asking a women out for fear of making things awkward or being accused of innappropriate behavior. I think part of this stigma stems from the fact that I've seen and heard many women act really nasty towards normal innocent guys who showed interest in them simply because they didn't like them back. I'm afriad that if I ask a girl out who I know, and she rejects me, that all of a sudden everyone will be gossiping about it and my reputation will be tarnished while I get labled some sort of creeper. Because of this, I find myself waiting for the girl to make the first move so that I can't be looked at negatively (I guess this is an unfortunate stigma men today have to deal with).

So how do I go about asking a girl out who I'm involved in some sort of organizatio or social circle with, where if she isn't interested in me, things don't get awkward because now she feels weird being around me? Are my fears even rightfully founded or am I making this all up in my head?


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What Guys Said 1

  • All in your head. Ask in a simple way, the goal is not to marry her but just spend more time with her. Think of it like asking a guy friend if you want. Then on the date, just make little small moves of affection like holding her hand, but not awkwardly, wait until you two are laughing or sharing some kind of moment together.

    If she says no, no biggie. It's only a big deal if you think it is, or if you try professing your love to her, in which case it is a big deal and it's all awkward if there's a rejection.

    Mostly just take it easy and relax, no big deal. "Hey [insert name], I heard there's a [insert event] Friday night, want to go?" Simple -- yes would be great, no would be fine.

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    • Cool, I think this was mostly what I was thinking. I've actually said this very thing to myself, to pretend it's just a guy friend. However, my follow up would be, then how do you avoid not falling into the friend zone? I'm not suggesting that it's a good idea to profess your love, I agree that's creepy, but it seems every time I have taken this laid back approach, that "moment" or w/e just never really happens. We hang out for weeks/months until the next thing I know I'm in the friend zone. I guess when I ask a girl out in this way, I sort of expect them to partially take the hint and then start to meet me halfway but it never happens. I don't know, I do agree with you, I'm just playing devils advocate and wondering what you think.

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    • Basically your hearts and "souls" can connect, metaphorically speaking, and without even a kiss, and that can be as powerful as a kiss if you really start to share each other's deepest thoughts and feelings.

    • Can you give me a more specific example of what you mean by this?

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