Guys, why do you make plans with girls just to ditch them?

We've gone out a few times and I thought we hit it off. We made plans for Saturday night. I texted him Friday just to see if we're still on but he didn't text me back. I texted him Saturday night to see if we were still on and he didn't text me back.
Honestly, why make plans if you had no intention of going? I may not be a guy but I thought guys were more direct than girls? Like if you didn't want to meet up then you'd give an obscure reply like "we'll see" and not actually give me a day and time.
I guess I want to know why you do this or what men think when they do this?

Updates:
This is probably just the angry girl in me talking but would it be wrong of me to call him out on his bullshit? Or should I just leave him be?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • A very good possibility is that he kept you around as a secondary option. I do this to women all the time.

    I know it sounds bad... but I just don't care about replying. What am I thinking when I do this? Well a lot of women always have several men interested in them, or at least access to males (i. e. Tinder), so I don't care because I know these women can just find another.

    One more thing... I choose not to be direct because pretty much none of the women I have been with were ever direct with me. Perhaps I am just a product of society.

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What Guys Said 12

  • You're not talking about a man, you're talking about a boy. True men don't behave like that. Boys are whishy washy, unreliable, unpredictable, and all around immature.

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  • I've had a woman do this to me. Found out after some time that she was keeping her options open. Playing the field or whatever you want to call it. Didn't really want me but didn't want me to go anywhere. Maybe liked the attention or maybe I would've done until someone better came along.

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    • When did you finally have enough?
      So she'd go days without contact then just contact you all of a sudden?

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    • Ok Here's my dilemma. We actually got to know each other. We talked about deep, personal things. We didn't make it estranged, we actually got to know each other. We slept together but even after that we still saw each other. That's why I don't understand.

    • It sounds like to me that you like him more than he likes you. If I were you I'd end it or "detach" and just remain friends. You can always come out and ask him bluntly and hope he's honest with you but if he just wants you around as a backup then he probably won't be.

  • Because we get insecure about ourselves or change our mind about the person we are about to hang out with.
    I think they make plans and intent to go out but after they are made something changes for them. Or if they are real jerks they will do it so you get the hint that hey don't want to be with you and to leave them alone. Which I don't agree with at all.

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    • That's just mean though if they make plans just to prove a point. Why not just be direct and say that you don't think it's going to work out? I thought women played most of the games while men just laid it all out. This is what I'm used to with the guys I know at least.

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    • It's good that he was shocked by your response. I am so happy that you told him what would happen the next time. It lets him know that you are serious about certain things that matter to you. Ladies need to be able to stand up for themselves like that. And not be so cautious to walk on egg shells afraid to lose "Mr. Right Now" but instead weed out the boys till you find "Mr. Right".

      I think it has to do with if ladies feel like they can talk to you about anything they start to lose the attraction to be something more. But this is all hearsay as I read it somewhere.

      If you follow my profile I can message you and we can talk some more.

    • We talked about things once we saw each other. I wasn't going to let him off the hook that easily. I made it clear I was upset but I didn't play the girl that was overreacting or accusing him or assuming what he was doing. I calmly told him that it was not okay with me that he did that. I actually played the guilt card since I was so calm. But I can tell this bothered him a lot. He kept asking me to just bitch him out and I kept saying I don't do that, it's not me. I just told him never do it again. I don't know it he's "Mr. Right" but if he is he would take what I said seriously.

      I'm still attracted to him. I like that he can talk to me freely. I want the person I'm seeing to be comfortable that way.

      Message me I followed you.

  • That's weird maybe something happened. Or he's just a pussy and not worth it then. We are more direct than girls. We don't (or at least me and the people I. know) do the whole not answer the phone, ignoring, and blowing off thing. So I don't know maybe something legit happened. Otherwise he's not worth it anyway

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    • Thank you! I always thought men were more direct than women, this has always been my experience. Which is why I'm so surprised by this because the guys I know don't do this kind of thing. I was just thinking he is a pussy or just immature

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    • What's the best way to word it though? I wanted to tell him it's rude to make plans and have it fall through without even notifying me. He may not reply though since he hasn't for the past few texts.

  • Stop acting like all guys do the same thing as the sorry cunt who you ended up fancying.

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    • But I'm saying not all guys do the same thing as him. This is the first time. He acted differently than the other guys.

  • He has a more appealing option but he isn't sure if it's going to work out so he wants to try to keep you as an option for as long as he can. Girls have done this to me, it sucks but there's nothing you can do except walk away.

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    • So by ignoring me its not like he's saying no since he's not saying anything. I imagine if whatever doesn't work out he'll come back to me like the jerk he is?

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    • Ok not jerk but inconsiderate. In my head this is pretty rude behavior.

    • Oh I agree completely and yet it's extremely common. I wish people would be more considerate in the already rough dating marketplace but I wouldn't hold your breath. Just be lucky you aren't a guy or you wouldn't be shocked by this behavior anymore at 30.

  • He's an asshole.
    When I make plans I follow through. It actually pisses me off when people are late.

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    • I agree with you 100%! He is an ass and even if he wasn't going to follow through then have the decency to tell me. He's not a young guy either he's in his 30s

    • Calling him out on his bs will solve nothing. If you care more than him you've already lost.
      Just move on

    • Good point.

  • He may have gotten the pre-date jitters

    I've never done that. It's not cool hey

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  • He may had something unexpected

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  • i do not

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  • women do this too!

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    • Ya but he's not a woman. I get women do this because they're bitches. But men I assumed are not like women

  • I do this when i am not intressted or are not so ethusiastic meeting up with you

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    • But if you're not intersted in meeting up then why make plans at all to meet up? That's just deceiving which is what girls do.

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    • @red324 ya but I've never done it to him to return this favor

    • I don't understand. So my expecting him to keep to his word is a superiority complex? And I haven't had him treat me like a princess. In fact we're on equal ground I'd say. We pay for our respective bills. I don't expect him to drive me because I don't want to hassle him. So how am I implying I'm better?

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