Why don't guys approach me?

I have no shortage of guys talking to me online, sometimes I get a random guy ask me out on the street but it's rare. Why is this?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Because you give off the posture of being unapproachable.

    Many people do it unintentionally. Perhaps the way you stand, and your body language sends cues to men, that reaches their subconscious, and they get misinformed that you are not interested.

    If you are having more success online, than in realtime, perhaps what I say is true.

    Take an online dating site, for example:

    I had a female roomate, and we were both using the same dating site. Well, I would get a message maybe once a week, and 60% were Nigerian scammers. She would get nearly 50 messages per day.

    The thing here is, we men are hardwired to be attracted to youth and beauty. Women, other things.

    That being said, I would reasonably assume that you are more than moderately attractive, considering I have no idea what you look like. I don't care what you look like, so please, no pictures.

    My point is, if people approach you, it is because you are attractive. However, in realtime, if you are having more trouble, it is potentially your posture and body language. There are subtle cues that would cause a man to stay (with) or run away (from) a woman. Same could be said about men, and women staying or running. Perhaps you come off as aggressive. Men often don't like aggressive women. Maybe you slouch... men don't like slouchy women, it is a sign of poor health.

    Things you must consider.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • But they do? You said on the streets. but you want guys you know to approach you. Well first make sure you are around guys and that you do something social like parties, events, clubs, sports... etc. And than make sure you have a postive attiude and approach a guy you like. (:

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    • haha Or you can do the little apple move and ask for directions hahah! Or help carrying things to class because to you are heavy and chat him up! (: hope that helps!

What Guys Said 31

  • are you hot irl? do you look happy/friendly/approachable? Are you sending loud signals you are interested in a guy for him to approach?

    everyone gets contacted online lol there's weirdos everywhere on the net, it takes zero balls and effort to "contact" someone online so you can't compare.

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  • Do you realize
    1. You are beautiful
    2. Witty
    3. Intelligent
    4. Confident (even if you think you aren't or don't show it)

    All traits that wind up intimidating most guys? :) Nothing negative about these though, at least end of the day chances you'll find guys that are fit for you. Just beware of those that try to woo a beautiful and confident girl just to control and break her of sorts :)

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  • Like #Meson said, "because people don't just start talking to random strangers." in the streets. Especially when it's a "man on woman" kind of thing. Since not only aren't most girls "okay" with some guy approaching them, most people in general aren't so yeah... maybe that's why ____ will just keep walking by you instead of trying to make small talk. Cuz they're don't want to have to put up with your potential attitude or something (most guys have seen their fair share of females putting a guy who approached them out on front street for the whole world to see)

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  • I have lots of girl who hit "like" online and some talk to me after I message them - Outside at a cafe it's just getting looked at. When I was at Starbucks recently, 3 girls had been watching me until their 1 guy friend walked up to my table and told me that the blonde girl "wants a date" with me - I said yes and as he was returning to their table, the blonde girl stood up and the other girls afterwards too and went off - The guy apologized to me though.

    That was very strange - I hadn't even noticed that the blonde girl had been looking at me :O

    Maybe intimidation because you are "too good-looking" or "out of their league" as they may perceive it :/

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  • as a guy I've never been approached nor has anyone had a crush on me so i could initiate anything... any advancement i make gets brutally rejected without me even needing to say a word.

    just make yourself seem approachable, smile at guys you like, go to social events/gathering but if not then talk to a guy yourself, doesn't matter who the guy is they will be shitting themselves approaching you.

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  • Girls will always have more guys talking online than in real life. It must be your environment. But you do get approached by guys though so your chances are good. Plus guys who aren't really attractive or studs tend to get labeled as creepy a lot just for approaching girls so that's also a big factor.

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  • If I remember rightly you are very good looking and seem to have a nice friendly personality so there is not a problem in that situation - I think online creates a bit of confusion, for some reason online people have much more confidence than in real life - In reality the actual number of guys who would be brave enough to approach a girl cold is very low so I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of girls noticed the same thing as you.

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  • Well I know you're a very, very pretty girl so that's not the issue. You're going to be getting looks even when you don't realize it. So you have to maybe look at what kind of vibe you're putting out. Are you, without even knowing it, putting out a vibe that says you don't really want guys approaching? If so, what might be behind that? The only reason I say that is that it's crazy that a girl as pretty as you isn't getting approached.

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    • Aw thank you :)
      I don't know, I do give off vibes I want attention lol. I'm always looking for it but I seem to get none 😂

  • Because people don't just start talking to random strangers.

    And honestly, aren't you like already dating 6 people at once?

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    • No of course I'm not. I date guys after they dump me, I don't like seeing a couple of guys at once. The most recent guy I was seeing has told me he wasn't feeling another date :(

    • Oh. It's odd, I remember you asking about "should I tell the guy I'm dating that I'm seeing other people" or something like that, but apparently that was a temporary phase then. Sorry to hear you're serial-dating, it's indeed a gamble to find a compatible person.

    • Oh yeah aha, sometimes I tend to exaggerate things. Those were guys I hadn't even met yet lol
      Yep. Eh, sure I'll find someone :)

  • Make sure to give eye contact and to smile at guys to signal to them that you're open to being talked to.

    Secondly, make sure to not ALWAYS be in a group. Most guys don't bother approaching women who are in a large group of women, or with women that are never by themselves. Approaching a woman and facing rejection is tough enough, doing it with gal-bodyguards around makes u an undesirable approaching option, and we will end up choosing another target.

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  • Because you can approach them as well. You and them are too frightened to make a move. Only difference between them as well as you is that they want to approach you, you just sit there wishing they would approach you. correct me if i am wrong.

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  • I guess that's normal in a way... what would you expect? That every guy you pass by would ask you out?
    C'mon, we're not that blunt

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  • Most guys don't cold-approach anywhere, let alone in the street. Blame decades of emasculation.

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  • Maybe because you don't look like a flirty girl so they don't dare to ask :o
    But there don't need to be many of them, one is enough... a story of quality being more important than quantity :D

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  • normal... you're decent looking. Some guys in RL think you're to good for them and some don't and approach you. The hotter the girl less guys will approach her. So extremly pretty girls just get stared at but no one approaches them. Its kinda problem for this girls.

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  • Why don't girls approach guys? it is almost a guarantee that you will get his number. Instead of us playing this game trying to figure out if you like us or not.

    You need to make it more clear to that guy you like him..

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  • If in-person, it could be body language. Body language says a lot. If yours says "I'm not available/not in the mood" they'll 'listen' and keep walking.
    Also, talking behind a screen make people more confident. Maybe these guys aren't confident enough to approach you in the street, so don't take it personal or anything.
    Improve your body language by making it look like you want someone to approach and talk to you.

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    • How do I improve my body language? :)

    • Hmmm... Good question. I can't say for sure, because I don't know how it is at the moment, so I recommend asking Google. Check an recommended list against how you are already and use the tips of body language that you don't already.
      I read a post here earlier today and in the comments someone said something like "If she looks around the room for several seconds, she's probably waiting so be approached" so do things like that and other techniques that you find from Google.
      Also, try to look happy. If you look sad/angry, guys might be scared that you'll straight up be rude and turn them down.
      Good luck, hope what you learn helps.

  • It's simple, online takes no balls, guys will easily message any girl even remotely attractive. In real life, most guys have no balls, some have enough balls to approach, and very few have enough balls, and experience to make that approach a pleasant one. Plus most guys can't take rejection, they try once, twice, maybe the really brave ones will try even a 100 times, and all of them will be rejections, flakes or end up going nowhere, so they will just stop trying.

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  • guys dont approach girls anymore

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  • It totally depends upon the vibes around you

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  • Online is free and anonymous in person it isn't

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  • Maybe the guys dont like you, too busy, dont care, not looking for a relationship. It can honestly be a million different things. Who the hell knows.

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  • Because through photo-editing, you look much more attractive than you really are in real life. Common situation for girls online.

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  • Age.

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  • Because you are not good looking enough.

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  • For anyone wondering. LovesTVDx looks like this:

    http://oi58.tinypic.com/33bcww8.jpg

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  • Stranger danger?

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  • It's a lot easier to flirt online. Stakes of rejection are lower. Most guys never attempt street pickups, they're hard.

    You're cute, put yourself in situations where you can meet guys and they can chat with you naturally, and you'll have 'no shortage' of guys interested in you then as well.

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  • Because it's rare for guys to randomly approach women out of nowhere. Lots of women consider that rude

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  • Lets go for a date babe

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What Girls Said 7

  • guys in real life are nowhere near as bold as they are online. when ur online u don't have the face to face nerves, the facial expressions, the possibility of her walking off, him completely stuffing up, etc.

    he just types a message and sends it to you. simple.

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  • I'm EXACTLY in the same situation and know how you feel, I don't know the reason behind it, but oh well, I'm used to it now.

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  • u are a beautiful girl, i honestly think ur best bet is to try a bit harder to be more approachable or put urself in environments where approaching happens more often. i know TV makes it seem like guys and girls meet at random settings like grocery stores, class, etc, but thats not always the case. guys can be shy with approaching too, its a scary thing to put urself out there. doesn't mean they aren't interested.

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  • Um.

    It could be because they feel they have no chance with you and shy away. They may consider you to be too good for them. Or perhaps they wait for signs from you to show them you like them first. It could be a number of things.

    :\

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  • Because it's easier to talk to someone online. Maybe theyare intimidated by your looks or they assume you might have a boyfriend already so they don't approach you.

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  • I was wondering the same thing for a bit honestly lol. I wouldn't worry about it, guys do get nervous and cold approach on the street has a lot of risk!! Guys that have chased me down to hit on me on the sidewalk, I've turned down unfortunately. Not because they weren't good looking but I had a boyfriend. It's a great gesture, but this generation is moving more and more inclined to pursue girls with the protection of a screen between you.

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  • Because they don't want to sexually harass you. Its a good thing.

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