I'm [27M], she's [26F] and I have no idea what situation I'm in. Please help?

I met a girl on new year's eve, and have since been getting along great with her. She's 26, and I'm 27. She's new in town (about 3 months here), if that makes any difference. To start off, I need to mention that she's just broken up with her long term boyfriend before moving here (she mentioned this to me a few days after we started talking). We've gone on quite a few dates together, we text each other a lot and are generally really liking how things are going so far! She seems to be a very interesting person, and I know she likes me (to what extent, is what I want to figure out). 2 weeks ago, we kissed. Since then, she's started being a bit more distant. Sometimes she talks just as she would usually, but at the other times she seems vaguely distant! I can't quite put my finger on what is wrong. Since then, after all our dates, we've kissed and we've even started holding hands while we're out. I even invited her home to have a beer and just talk (no sex). At home, we did kiss a lot, again, but nothing more. Recently, while texting her, I made a casual remark stating that I would come visit her "everyday, if it was possible". I saw no harm in saying that, but she kind of got overwhelmed and told me "not to go that fast". To which, I reassured her saying I was just joking. She did explain herself really well though, and I completely understand how it sounded to her. She also said "it's just that I've just ended a relationship and don't wanna start another one right now.". I didn't ask her to explain this part, and she probably didn't want to at that point either. I'm not really sure if I screwed up bad, because she's been a bit more distant since this happened (told her this yesterday). But, I don't know if that's because of stress from work, or beause of what I had said. Now, my dilemma is- have I totally screwed things up? And, by her comment about the relationship, could she actually mean exactly what she said, or that she doesn't want a relationship with me?


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What Guys Said 1

  • Stop. Don't push too much. You're coming on strong and aggressive that's why she's starting to run because she's not ready yet to dive into another relationship. You already understand where she stands and her situation. It's easy to say something, but pay attention on her queues, especially if you want a relationship with this girl, go with her wishes to go slow. Take your time. More fun, less heavy make out, and more outdoors than indoors so she knows you listened and she'll start forgetting about him and focus on you. I don't know the history between her and the ex, but you definitely do not want to start acting like her ex. Not too late for damage control bro.

    In the other hand, I've been with women who recently broke up with their long-term lovers and just wants casual sex without the commitment.

    No pressure bro.

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    • Thanks for your reply! You're right, I think I am coming on too strong and that's why things are the way they are right now. I have already reassured her that I am not pushing her into a new relationship. I will definitely do something about this and slow things down.

      As for having fun, that's what we are doing at the moment. We're almost never indoors, I invited her to my place for the first time last week and don't plan on doing that every time.

      Good to hear that it isn't too late for damage control, I was worried that I'd blown the whole thing.

      About girls who broke up and want just sex, I've got a friend in the exact same situation now and the poor guy is totally devastated.

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