My boyfriend has a 17 year old daughter who is not biologically his but he raised her. She is basically his ex step daughter. we got into a fight about her today because he bragged that he would put out money and fix the car he gave her but would not put another dime into my vehicle so I said why would you do that for her not me. He said because she's my kid, you're not. We have an equal partnership I'm not supposed to care of you. I said but I'm still the woman you love. He said but I love her more. That ruined my day.. I am still pissed now. How do I get over hating his kids?
This is a very layered topic and I don't recommend giving too much mind to people who instantly trivialize your feelings with a dismissive tone.
This business of putting kids from previous relationships FIRST and ahead of a current relationship... particularly a stable, long term relationship... is, quite simply, cruel & demeaning. Any soul mate would have a need and desire to feel truly prioritized in someone's life. If a man cannot fully love both his kid and his new woman and make sure that you both feel cherished then he is NOT fit to be bating. You have better ways to spend your time than hurting as the second or third place woman. And at just 18-24 years of age, you're too cute and young to be playing that role. A child's needs should be met and the children should be respected but kids should not rule adult relationships. There are single parents who feel entitled to all the conveniences and benefits of a relationship, without making full effort in return and mistakenly believe their kids are the ultimate sacred trump card that entitles them to this. Your boyfriend may be one of them.
If a single parent cannot manage to divide their time and attention with possible limited resources then they will always leave their significant other feeling unsatisfied and disappointed. While it's honorable and admirable that he wants to take care of his child, it doesn't seem that he can show his care for you in a sufficient way. Don't listen to these answers then kid yourself and pretend that this does not hurt you as a childfree person. It's a tricky topic to address but studies show that people would have been happier in their relationship if the partner's children had not been there and if you can relate to that then you need to address it in order to move forward with a healthy life. Not only that but if you do not resolve this issue in your mind then you will grow to resent his child and they will KNOW it. They will know that you view them as a burden or a brat standing in the way of your happiness. You are going to fall into depression and get burnt out because so many essential elements of a balanced and healthy partnership are missing from this experience. Considering this truth, it's probably in your best interest to leave.
You over reacted, there are ways you could achieve results with a positive attitude. Had you laughed at first and said to Him politely “sweetheart so you won’t help me with my Car also, my Car needs attention” his reaction would have changed. Learn to deal with emotions and jealousy.
I think it's a given that when you date a man who has a daughter, he'll love the daughter the most. Even if it's not his biological child but it's his child. He raised her and has been with her for 17 years. I honestly wouldn't think highly of a man who puts other people above his daughter.
Not because he loves his daughter more means that he doesn't love you.
Well be just wants to be a part of their lives. So if it's helping them in any form of course he would. Also if they like you and verbalize it to their dad or step dad it only more improves the chances he will want to stay. So blowing up over them only is going to make him question if dating you was such a great idea.
girl my opinion for you is to dump him he love his kid more then you he even sid it so that means he really doesint love you. what kind a man tell a women that you love her and turn around and say oh but i love her more i would of been oh really ok bye done with this person hop this help you i mean he kinda treating you like a dog for that and the real love for his kid thats stupid for him
The loving part was a little rude. Other than that you shouldn't expect him to pay for your car.
He treats his ex daughter as his own so he has a duty to her. You're just his girlfriend, you guys probably just dated for a while. I don't think you should even be jealous.
It doesn't matter whether she is your boyfriend's biological daughter or ex-step daughter. If he asserts himself as her father, you need to treat him as such and respect his decision. You are not 17, you are an adult so he thinks you should be self-sufficient and pay for your won stuff.
How selfish can you be. Pay for your own dam car, your not a child. You ladies want quality so bad, now it's time to step up and prove that you can be equal not just pathetic whiners.
I understand why you're jealous. However, I don't think it's something you need to be jealous of. Love for your kid is a different kind of love than love for your partner. When you've got a kid, that's someone who depends on you. You've got to take care of them. In a way, it makes sense for him to love his daughter more, because he's known her much longer and parent-child love is just like that. But he doesn't, and cannot, love her in the same way he loves you. He protects her because she's his kid--but that also means he can't confide in her. He'll try to hide bad things from her, hide when he's sad, hide his weaknesses. You can be the person he trusts with his secrets. He can't be himself with her, but if he can be himself with you, that's a really rare and valuable thing. She can never be his equal, not while he has to help her through life. But you can be. Just because he loves her, doesn't mean he doesn't love you--and he can love you in a way that he'll never love her. Kids need parents, don't hate them because he loves them. Just know you're something different to him--you can never be his kids, but they can never be you, either.
That's messed up you hate his kids you might have an insecurity about yourself that's causing you to be jealous. The love he has for his daughter is different from the love he has for you until you have a child you won't understand that. But if you love him you need to understand that he is a dad and he can't give you all the attention you want. Kids always come first. Stop acting childish trust your boyfriend. You should get to his kids better and if you want attention that badly don't date someone who has kids because their kids will always come before you
I believe that He has made it quite Crystal Clear here, dear, How he feels With... But I love her more. Give him his Walking papers and be on your way. This ride is so over and so should Riding in the back Seat... You are in a defeat with Pete. I think we pretty much know where You... Stand with this man. I am Not Seeing 'Equal partnership' and Yes, he sure was Right On when he also Said "I'm not supposed to care for you." He Obviously Thinks It should just be the Two Nim rim rods and You are just a Fifth wheel. I call This "Two is company and Three is a crowd." I Feel that You should be In there Somewhere where Him even Saying: She is One of My Top priorities, you know this, but babe you are very important to me, and I love you Just... As much." Now he is showing Partiality, Not Partnership. Good luck. xx
Until you raise a kid, you won't fully understand the parental bond between child and parent. So you can't really criticize his love for her, or compare it to his feelings for you because they are completely different. But if you are with a guy and expecting him to pay your way, you should think again, either that or go looking for the type of guy that is looking for a girl like that. Because its his money and he deserves to choose where, how and when to spend it. A wise move would be to try to get to know the kid better, because she obviously means a lot to him, and I'm sure it would mean a lot if you put more of an effort into it.
He sounds like a great dad. You don't have to be biologically related to be an amazing parent. As far as I'm concerned, you SHOULD love your children more than anything. You should be willing to do anything for them. You sound like you have different priorities to him. Maybe you need to be in a relationship with someone who is willing to drop everything for you, or maybe you should grow up a little.
Kids will always come first. It doesn't matter. He's going to look out for his daughter before he looks out for anyone else. It's probably nothing personal towards you, it's just the fact that his bond with his daughter is different than his bond with you.
It's about time you learnt to stand on your own two feet lady.. Also you need to get it into your head that you will always come SECOND BEST to his child.. Children WILL ALWAYS COME FIRST in any parents life.. Period.
Are you sure you love this guy? Or even he loves you? Because then petty or superficial things like that wouldn't make you jealous. He was probably joking with you anyway... It seems as though you are not content with him because otherwise you would have supported him in fixing the car for his daughter.
She's her kid.. What do u expect? Of course he has responsibilities with her, he doesn't need to pay for your things, taking care of someone else is not easy, taking care of 2 is even harder, don't make it worse for him
Um... Your boyfriend has a daughter old enough to be your sister? I think that's something to take into account. And if you think he's going to put you over his own child then you're sadly mistaken. You'll just have to suck it up and deal with it.
By becoming independent and dating people your owwage without kids...
You sound very bitter and I think it's beautiful that he cares that much about a child that isn't biologically his.
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