11 years... too much of an age gap?

I've been seeing this 29 year old for two months now, and we're in love with each other. He's everything I could ask for: smart, artsy, experienced, a philosphy teacher at university (yeah, kind of a fantasy thingyy) and the most open-minded person I've met. He's also from Spain, so he's pretty liberal about our relationship and doesn't give much thought to the age gap. I consider myself open-minded too, but coming from a more conservative context (Mexico) I'm not used to seeing that kind of relationships and sometimes think too much about the fact that I'm 18 and he's 29. Of course, this doesn't mean I think I should stop seeing him, I'm just wondering what other people think about this gap... is it too much? Or is it not THAT bad because "hey, it's not like he's 40"?

For example, what would be your first thoughts if you saw us in the street (the difference is kinda obvious)?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think that anything is possible. I would have been a nay-sayer before, saying that he's just looking for a young trophy to trot around. Now though, I'm 32 and I'm actually seeing a 19 year old woman. I think I'm more invested in the relationship than she is too. For her, she has an exciting, experienced, older man, with a career, and knows what he wants out of life. I have a young, vibrant woman, with the energy to keep up, and who I enjoy exposing to new things. I'm sure she'll probably move on to someone closer to her in age, but if not then I'll be very happy.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Hun, I know hundreds and hundreds of married couples, mb even a thousand.

    In the VAST majority of the best-functioning couples -- where "best-functioning" includes sexuality, logistics, emotional compatibility, finances, and just big life decisions in general -- the husband is 5 to 12 years older than the wife.
    Like, at least 97 percent of the best-functioning couples.

    Yr age difference seems big now, but it will seem smaller and smaller as time goes on.

    Honestly, if you are still together just 1-2 years from now, you'll probably have forgotten all about the age difference, unless some conversation comes up in which it's specifically a relevant issue (e. g. timing of having children).
    Otherwise, literally, you will just forget that the difference even exists.

    (Until he asks whether you remember something that happened 3 years before you were born, and then you can have a good laugh together.)

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What Guys Said 25

  • If he was 40 years old, you could say "well, it's not like he's 50!"

    You are in love after only 2 months? That is the biggest warning sign that I see here. Real love requires knowing someone much better than you can get to know them in only 2 months. Is he your first lover? Perhaps you are more in love with the idea of being in love.

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    • Hey, y'know how some people are comfortable jumping into bed faster than others are?

      Same amount of variation, in terms of how fast our hearts jump into that love bed.

      Yr timeline is not everyone else's timeline.

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    • Read your post again. Your very first sentence says you've been dating for two months and you are in love. . . but now I'm supposed to think that's unimportant? You tell me a set of facts and I will give advice based upon what I think about those facts.

  • I am offended by the 40 comment hahahaha, just kidding!

    I know some people might be a little phased by it, but if you two are happy, that's all that should matter.

    So what if there is an age gap, Life is to short to sweat the small stuff, happiness is everything!

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  • Nope not at all

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  • My dad is 10 years older than my mom and there was never a problem with that. And the older you become the less important it will be.

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    • but he didn't marry a 18 yr old, espeically the 18 yr olds of today which are still kids.

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    • @truthhammer you're missing the point of my question

    • i m sure i understand it completely and completetly sure you're the one not understanding why i said that. i couldve said date interchangeably with marriage in the example of his parents and my point would still stand.

      i m done here. this has become 90 percent me traying to explain to you what you dont get.

  • Statistically, at least some years ago, an eleven years older man married to a younger woman, had the be chance of the marriage working long term. It sounds like you're in a great relationship. The only question is: do you have compatible kinks? In my experience, that's the factor that more firmly cements a relationship.

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  • Um you're Mexican, I wouldn't blame him of any age for being into you! haha we love Latinas. No that's fine I mean, it's all about maturity in my opinion. If a girl isn't mature enough to be with an older guy, than she should just stick to her age group, for example. Once you get into your 20s, age differences really open up and its acceptable, so if you're 18/19 and act and seem really mature than that makes sense and no one cares in my opinion.

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  • Well, I can bet that he can treat you far better than guys of your age approximately. So, if you love him actually, there is no need to think about such a thing.

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  • The potential cracks I can see looking at this age gap realistically:
    1) Both of you are in different stages of life you haven't had your fun yet he has and most guys his age are looking to settle down.
    2) When he brings you to his social circle if they are in their 30's you would be sitting there not interacting as much

    3) Two months dating isn't enough to know a person so there is potential he is in it for the fun not taking the relationship serioulsy.

    There is a chance it could work out but from an outsiders perspective it looks bleak.

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  • To each their own. As long as you call a spade a spade. You're infatuated by his power. He's shagging his 18 year old prize for his socio-economic success. Cool beans. Not jelly at all ;)

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  • Welp, people will view the relationship as wrong. He sounds like a luck guy to say the least. Anyways I think it's a little much personally but if that's the direction you are drawn to who am I or anyone else for that matter to be the ones to tell you no.

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  • 18 and 29 is not 31 and 42.

    if it makes you feel any better, i dated a 21 yo this past summer. granted she was quite intelligent and we were able to discuss many things... we got along fine.

    my only gripe is she doesn't get my references.. as most of em are before her time.

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  • id fuck an 18 yr old if she had some older guy fetish.

    i wouldn't entrust my heart and depend on an 18 yr old companion.

    itd be an exchange of goods and services for a youthful body to fuck, nothing much more...

    women are said to mature around 26 on average.

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    • good for youu

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    • and 90 percent of mexican women look like refridgerators starting at teens. you guys are the most obese coutry and the native strong gene doesn't produce the hot ones much...

      stay modest little one.

    • Omg can you please go somewhere and sober up... LOL

      I mean, you've sunk to the point of yelling "promiscuous ho" at someone who's been fucking 1 man, for a couple months.

      Do you even know what the word "promiscuous" means?
      Yr just embarrassing yrself, now.

      Please, go take a cold shower. According to the California DMV, you should probably be sober enough to comment in about 6 hours.

  • My only concern is that he might be able to take advantage of you. Go for it I guess its your life will our opinions' really make you change your mind to be honest? I doubt it, it seems like you've already made up your mind.

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  • When I was 29 I had a wife, child, house, two cars and a great job. I think it is too big a difference in age. Honestly, he sounds like a loser who can't make it with women his age.

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    • He's 29, no car, paying rent, no belongings but a suitcase that couldn't even be filled up, and that only makes me love him more.

    • You see, and older woman wouldn't love him more, that is why he must look for the younger girls who have their head in the clouds as young people do. A 25 year old is well past that amd knows what it takes to have a family, which is a lot more than that guy has to offer. You just aren't thinking that way... yet.

  • That kind of age gap does 't bode well for a long term relationship. Butit's legal, so knock yourself out.

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  • Only 2 months with an 11 year gap yet already in love? Whoa. Latinas really do love white guys.

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  • He's obviously not that smart if he's a philosophy teacher...

    They get paid like shit and talk about stupid things...

    If he was smart, he would own an apartment complex like me...

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  • I say... "why not? let it happen and we will see... no one is going to die" : ))

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  • Yea big gap... Gross

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  • If you'd be ashamed to tell your parents about old he is, then yeah. That's what I consider when dating older.

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  • too big for my tastes.

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  • No I'm 33 and my girlfriend is 44 so sounds good to me. As long as your both into each other who cares.

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  • Well its bad... Because first you are barely 18 and this guy is almost 30 and this guy sounds really creepy... Also dating your student is really creepy and wrong...

    I think he is in more for sex... Then anything.. and also you are obviously 18 so it's your crush and fantasy in play... And not any real feeling... falling in line in a week? LOL yeaa right!
    That's not love... You know nothing about love

    But whatever it's your relationship so do whatever you want.. Just be careful..
    I don't think this will work out for long term

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  • Yes 11 years a huge gap

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  • It's no big deal and if you stay together for years it will seem even less of a difference and I'm sure it doesn't look strange since he isn't that old either

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What Girls Said 12

  • Age differences can seem odd when you're not used to them.
    As long as he isn't old enough to be your Dad and you're happy with him, dont let this stop you.
    True love sees no age, color, gender or sex.

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  • My brother in law is 34 and living with a girl who's 24. It's not a popular decision in the family but that's because she's stand-offish and tries to keep him away from everyone. The age gap doesn't bother them or anyone else.

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  • I think that you should just do what makes you happy. My aunt and uncle had a 13 years of age gap and they were the happiest couple I had even known until she died two years ago. He still won't get married and their love was stronger than anything. If you think that he is the one then why would a number bother you? Do what makes you happy and screw what the society thinks.

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  • I would probably think he was your dad or your uncle if I saw you two together.

    My concern is the lack of life experience. It tends to make younger people more prone to abuse as they don't usually know enough to be like "hey, this isn't okay." As you're of age, I can't say anything but do be careful.

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  • It's not to much of a age gap, it's perfectly fine

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  • It's a big age difference but that's okay since you're 18, and no longer a minor.

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  • You seem like a severe naive and stubborn girl. You'll learn the hard way though. This guy is straight up using you. It's hilarious you think your in love after two months, it says a lot about your age and state of mind. He's just enjoying having a chick 11 years younger to bang. You'll see.

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  • Enjoy while it lasts

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  • You are in love after 2 months?

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  • 21 dating 28, also 20 dated 32 so who cares if you don't!

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  • I'm 17 and my boyfriend is 24, we have the best relationship he's much better than guys my age, don't give a fuck what people think! If your legal you can fuck who you like. Sorry for my Language!

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  • he just want to sleep with you and when you would be old like 30 he would dump you

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