How do I handle a guy who has been cheated on and has trust/emotional issues?

have been seeing this guy for a while and just recently I asked if he saw me as girlfriend material and he basically had a million different answers that basically seemed to say he wasn't ready to commit yet because he's still working on himself, he has trust issues cuz his past 4 girlfriends all cheated on him and dumped him soon after and that he doesn't do emotions really because he doesn't see need for them-he wants to get to know me first. He still wants to see me after we've kissed and had sex but I'm wondering if he'll ever want to commit to me because of all this?
I told him why not try at some point when we are both ready to be in a closer relationship just to see how it works and move forth from their and then he put his hand to his face like he was gonna cry and paused then said he "can't risk it".
He also has said he's not sure if he can give me what I want since he doesn't do emotions very well.
So it ended with us going to keep doing projects and things together to get to know eachother more-and we do really need more time to get to know eachother for sure since its only been a few months.
How do I handle and get him to trust me, open up more and commit?


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What Guys Said 3

  • I would say the best thing to do is to be yourself and always be honest and open to him whenever he asks or talks to you about something. Be supportive of him and the things he is interested in. There is nothing you can do that will guarantee that he will open up. It is up to him to let go of the past and his decision to trust you, open up to you, and commit to you. He has to come to the conclusions by working on himself. Will he ever commit? It is possible he could want to commit, but do to trust issues and his personal life he may not do so until he moves on from the past.

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    • Thank you! Very helpful :) Only time and good effort will tell then...

    • You are welcome and yes only time and efforts by both of you will tell :) good luck miss

  • Show him your trustworthy. Earn his trust. Talk to him and show him you really like him. Tell him you know he's been hurt to many times but all you ask for is a chance to show him your not like those other girls. Ask him for one chance for prove to him. Let him know you hate to see him push you away and miss something that's actually good this time.

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    • Ok, thank you for the advice :) I will do so but will wait to ask him for a chance because we already had a discussion where he says he takes things really slow and wants to wait and improve on himself first. I do want to ask in the far future for a chance tho, thats all i want

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    • Ok, I will just roll with it then-I only have a few guy friends and haven't dated any guys since him in a looong time cuz most of them just try to get in my pants and leave loll either that or he just wants friends or a short term half-relationship thing-illl find out in time i guess. Im hoping he doesn't get the impression that im easy or not girlfriend material because i had sex with him before commitment to a relationship but he doesn't seem bothered or affected by it. Thanks so much for the advice!

    • Anytime. Just stay by his side

  • Patience.
    I've never had a girlfriend that didn't cheat on me. For me it was self work that got me back in the dating world, and ready to trust.

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    • I'd NEVER cheat on him tho!! What makes me sick is his past 4 ex girlfriends who all cheated are obviously assholes from what he told me about and right when i come along into his life-the one girl who is guaranteed NEVER to cheat on him and really really likes him for who he is, and he just then decides he can't trust, doesn't do emotions and can't be in a relationship right now? I dont get it :(

    • I want to make sure you understand something, he didn't decide not to trust you.
      The lesson that women are cheaters are something experience and life has taught him.
      This isn't personal, this isn't 'Oh Kendra (thats the name I made up for you) came along, and I'm not going to trust her ever.' And he's got 4 relationships, and years telling him that you, despite all that you say, will in the end betray him. And that is what you are fighting against. It isn't fair. It isn't right. But the only way to prove that you're the real deal is time.
      So if you're not in it for a long haul, and not ready to make your actions speak louder then your words... well... you know the alternatives.

      there's an old song called Cold Cold Heart about the subject. Norah did the best version, but I'm bias.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PD2eGx8OzKs

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