A guy who didn't care for five years cares now. Thoughts?

Alright, so I've been out of high school for almost five years now. Yep, I'm old. Anyways, like a lot of people, I have old high school "friends" on my facebook that I never ever spoke to that I generally forgot of. Now, once I started posting pictures from instagram, I guess it came out that I no longer looked like a boy, and a ton of high school guys came out of the woodworks trying to hit me up.

There is one guy in particular that I spoke to personally once, and saw occasionally at school. He came to a party, spoke to me briefly, and five years later... silence. Then, a week ago, he pops up on my facebook trying to initiate a relationship with me. He immediately wanted me to travel to where he lived (he lives like 2 hours away) was very quick to make his interest known and is insisting on skyping with me. He seemed to get infatuated fast and while there's nothing WRONG with him and he's sweet... I'm not feeling anything that he's feeling. I am wondering if its because he didn't care about me for five years until suddenly out of no where.

So my question is literally: what are your thoughts on the situation? It's only been a week and he's talking about splitting a ticket for me to bus down there and "wanting to get to know me better ;)"

Updates:
Just so everyone knows, he lives two hours away and is aware that due to work that he wouldn't be able to see me for three months at the minimum.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • If I was ever that insistent I'd pay for the whole ticket myself because that's a huge risk. Five year silence to a guy you only talked to once. That's virtually no different then a complete and total stranger and you're traveling a bit of a distance to see him. There's nothing wrong with a guy striking up a conversation with you because you're hot (that's how most relationships usually begin) but you used to be in high school together and he's had 5 years to talk and only does it once he realized you don't look liked a boy and deems you hot enough so that's a little telling of his (and those other guys who only suddenly started talking to you personalities). It also asks the question why is he going after a girl he doesn't know so far away and not pursue a girl near him? I personally wouldn't do it. But that's just my suggestion.

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    • Oh don't get me wrong Octy, I am not even considering going there. I think you make a lot of solid points though. I guess what through me off was I was really thinking about it; He does put a lot of effort into the conversations and seems nice enough, and I get that people like one another based on attraction so perhaps he could like me more now that i am "hotter", but at the same time it does lead me to question what his intentions are.

      Confusion.

    • Yeah again it's okay to want to pursue a relationship because you find someone attractive. I'm not faulting him for that. That's what the first few dates are for to see if the personality works to. But before now he didn't even try to be friends and he was well aware of your existence since he suddenly appeared once he realized you've physically changed.

      Did you just call me Octy...

    • Yeah you make a really good point there and that's what bothers me the most I think.

      Also yes, yes I did.

What Guys Said 21

  • It sounds to me like you're a conquest, like he just wants in your pants. He gets you to come to him, hopes for sex, and then doesn't have the issue of having to commit. I can see in your pic that you're attractive. You're two hours away, and he won't have to worry about you catching him in lies or taking up his time. I'd just be his friend, if that's what you want, and let him know that that's as far as it's going. If he wants to remain your friend, then maybe it's just infatuation that he's feeling now and it will fade or solidify. Let him come to you if he wants. Don't meet at your house though, meet out. Then leave the hang out separately and don't invite him to your home. At least not that first time. You need to make sure this guy has good intentions. Be careful, and Good Luck.

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  • Well... I think he is overwhelmed by a sudden bout of infatuation towards you. Don't read too much into it.

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  • Depends on what kind of guy he is. Sounds like he's all infatuated. If he already dated a lot of girls it might be he remembers something about you that he likes and sets you apart. If on the other end he's a total shut in then you might just be one of the few people he feels he could reach out to. Just my best guess. I couldn't say for sure. Obviously. Tell him to jerk off a few times THEN talk to you about the bus ticket. His dick might be the one in the drivers seat.

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    • I might add. Either way I wouldn't recommend you go for it if you were one of my friends asking me this.

  • I would be wary. It is a bit strange he is moving so fast. As you say he gets infatuated fast which raises red flags for me. If there was a history of closeness in school I might do something in your current situation but as it stands, what I would say is "I am not comfortable doing something so fast, why don't we use three months apart to get to know each other. If we click and want to meet after three months then great. What is the point in rushing if we can't meet again for three months".

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  • Could he be crushing on a picture? Or perhaps he views you as a viable prospect that slipped through his fingers, if he had only acted way back when he had the chance? I know that isn't how _you_ see the situation, but sometimes one person sees behavior in a way that doesn't match the other person's perception.

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  • Horny guy who is a Shallow Hal. Not much future there for anything but a meaningless hookup, if that is your style. If not, tell him he can come visit you if he would like and you would be happy to recommend a hotel for him during his stay. You'll never hear from him again.

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    • This is what confuses me: why go out of your way to fuck a girl two hours away that you can't see for three months?

      Also, I'm not psycho, I would not go see a person I barely know.

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    • He did mention that he hasn't been on a date in almost 3 years so I did suspect it was desperation and perhaps he was assuming that because he "knew me" I'd be more willing to give in.

    • Three years is a very long dry spell. I'm sure there is an explanation which is not flattering for him.

  • There's a side of me that suspects he was sort of into you in high school, unbeknownst to you.

    Be flattered... or not. I probably, for his sake, would limit the messaging and skyping and allow yourself to fade away if you aren't into him.

    Are you not into him because he's 2 hours away or because you just aren't into him?

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    • Honestly, he only spoke to me once in high school. It's hard for me to think he could have liked me because he never gave me the time of day. I'm not into him primarily because... well... there's no spark of interest. He isn't a bad guy but he is a touch over-eccentric and overbearing, plus yeah the distance is a damper but if I was into a guy I could make it work. Then there's the whole: "You literally gave no shits about me for five years until now and are now trying to make things happen super fast."

    • I know guys who were attracted to girls in high school who never said a word to them.

      "he is a touch over-eccentric and overbearing"
      Probably all the more reason to limit contact with him.

    • Honestly I think I'll just be honest with him about it. I don't like fading out personally. I have suggested it to others because few people are gutsy enough to be upfront, but I am upfront with people so if I do let him down I'll be honest about it.

  • It comes off as a booty call (duh) but its up to you. I don't know he may want a relationship.

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    • A two hour drive to another city that he'd have to wait three months for (due to my work) is a booty call? Why go through all of that trouble, why not just bang another girl in his own town?

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    • Hmm maybe. I've never considered that. He did say he hasn't dated in like 2.5 years...

    • That could be a good hint at what you want to know. Anyways if this be the case of whats actually going on he is probably reaching out to something familiar. Perhaps a pick-me-up or a genuine interest, though in my experience if someone happens to be interested in someone else after such a time its usually because they have been carefully selective. But thats a whole nother variable to add.

  • Too easy. No. too many flags.

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  • I would stay in touch for a while, talking via a chat box and asking him the logical questions: why after five years he got back in touch and is so eager?
    If he honestly likes you he'll explain it. If he plays games close the door!
    Maybe he had a crush on you long ago and was too shy to go for it.
    I would not go to him at least for a month or so... you never know he's totally creepy :-(

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  • I think he's a douche that only wants sex and if he really wanted to know you he would ask you out on a date and travel to you and have a meal with you and have one of things not too often heard of anymore called a conversation you're very pretty I can see how he wants to "get to know you better;)" but if he actually wanted to he should've gone about it the right way instead of being sexual straight up which quite obviously anyone who knows anything about you knows that that's not how you want things to go

    He wants to sleep with you and he wants you to put in all of the effort

    that's not a good way to start any kind of relationship..

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  • If he wants to see you, he can visit you. I wouldn't make a big deal about the whole 5 years thing, he could be a completely different person now, because of the age you guys were the last time you seen each other.

    It's just a date, doesn't have to mean anything more than that.

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    • This is my issue: why a girl you talked to once, then not talked to for five years, who lives so far away that you only talked to for a week?

      It just reads as weird, too quick and potentially desperate to me.

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    • I just don't trust it because he became infatuated within days of talking to me over facebook and the conversation was pretty basic. It seems too disingenuous to me to feel its genuine. I don't feel comfortable going out with a person after a week of talking on facebook after not existing in his world for five years. It isn't a question of me wanting to date him as much as I just don't understand the sense.

    • Oh, well he is fantasizing. The question is whether he's fantasizing about you as a sexual object or as a girlfriend object. Again, either is pretty normal from a guy's perspective.

  • Maybe he realized he screwed up and wants to reconnect?

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    • After only meeting me once and not talking to me for five years? That seems like a stretch.

  • I'd ask him the obvious questions what are you looking for in wanting to meet me? Ask him where he is in life? Then let him know where you stand and your looking for.

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  • he's just tryina get some.

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    • Here's what confuses me: I live two hours away, in another city. He'd have to pay to help me get there (I could afford to do so myself mind you but he offered) so wouldn't it be easier to get a girl in his own town to hook up with? I'm not saying he has the purest of intentions but it seems to be A LOT for just a hookup.

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    • it did just occur to me that you wouldn't be driving there. I don't know why i just figured that out. i wouldn't go if i were you too... but that's mainly cause i hate/don't believe in public transportation. i'd say go for it if you were driving yourself over

    • I don't intend on going honestly.

  • He probably thinks " wow, she's hot " and wants sex or to get to know you or both. let him down easy.

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  • if you like him go for it don't hold onto any resentment you might have had in the past

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  • I wouldn't go visit him, even if I was a girl.

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  • Give him a chance to prove it, but don't drop your guard. Be careful and let him come to you as long as the infatuation is not mutual. This is my opinion. BEST OF LUCK!

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  • Ugly duckling that turned into a swan. They're trying to bang you. They probably wanted to bang you in high school also.

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  • Don't give him a chance, he doesn't deserve it.

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What Girls Said 6

  • I've gone through the same thing! I've started posting nicer looking pictures of myself on facebook and guys who didn't even talk to me in high school are now complimenting me and flirting and whatnot.

    I think you should avoid guys like these. Because why didn't they notice you in highschool? You could have an amazing personality for all we know. But they didn't take the chance to get to know you back then, and now they are now that you're posting your instagram pics on facebook? It sounds like they are they type of guys that just go after looks alone. Which isn't right. You want a guy who likes you for your looks AND more importantly your personality. He just sounds like a "f-boy" seeing that he sent you that message about wanting to get to know you better. Don't fall for it hun, you deserve better.

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  • If that's the case, why doesn't he just come and see you instead? If he's geniuely interested he would make the effort. You two could get coffee or grab some dinner. Then you can truthfully see his intentions. I really get turned off when a guy insist on mr coming over especially if it's two hours. I rather go to dinner first as my number rule to determine if he's even willing to make such an effort.

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  • nope move on sister!

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  • It sounds entirely like he's just lookin' to get laid, tbh.

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  • Don't he just want to smash, happened to me and I regret it. Don't go if he really liked you he would have made an effort before you even posted your pics. Girl don't go

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  • It seems like a physical thing. The guy saw how much you've changed and now he wants to get at you. Hmm

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