So I hear all the time for people who aren't confident that they should fake confidence to get a girlfriend and basically be someone that they're not. I hear this from both men and women. Because confidence is the one universal mandatory thing people need to get into a relationship according to just about everyone everywhere. But then I hear about wome have relationship issues because a guy changes over time. About how they used to be brimming with confidence and taking the lead but then when they settled into the relationship the guy let his real self out, his passive side out and the relationship takes a dive. It's understandable though, a guy can't live his entire life pretending to be something he isn't that would be exhausting and they do it because they don't want to be alone or feel unloved and basically anyone that offers them advice tells them to be a confident person so clearly this is behavior is encouraged yet it leads to trouble later down the road.
So what should shy guys do? It seems like they're stuck between a rock and a hard place. Either they live and die being a virgin who never gets into a relationship, feels love or affection or they fake being a confident person until they get one but then their partner feels cheated.
I feel really bad for shy guys there just seems to be no solution.
Most Helpful Guy
You're right, life is very difficult for shy men.
The thing about confidence is that it's built on positive experience. The reason why we say fake it till you make it is because if you get enough positive experiences you can start to build confidence. If a shy guy gets the girl then he knows that he can do that. She then, loving him, should want to help him improve himself into a confident man. Relationships used to start out with a couple of young people that were growing in life, and they would stick together and help each other grow and mature into adults with positive traits. There is the expression "behind every great man…" well that meant that the woman he was married to was instrumental in helping him become the great man that he was, he was not just born that way. Relationships used to be about standing by someone helping them and supporting them. Now we live in such a throwaway society where we expect our partner to be exactly what we want right from the moment of meeting them which leaves no room for flaws, growth and improvement. So if a guy isn't super confident right from the get go, then you're right: he's pretty much done.
If a guy can fake the confidence, that means he can have that confidence. Once he gets the girl and she helps him grow and become more confident he becomes more and more what she wants. Instead of having the ego often found in people who are considered naturally confident, rather he has an special appreciation for her for helping him grow and believing in him. Win-win.
It's unfortunate but nowadays it seems that we expect our relationships to be a purchase with no assembly required. We kind of expect perfection right from the start. Well, nobody's perfect, so we are bound to be disappointed.