Should I care what people think about who I'm going to marry?

I'm secretly getting married to a guy I'm in love with the only problem is my family won't approve of him. My mom is getting over it but my dad doesn't know. I work for my dad and I'm so scared he's going to fire me. My mom said the only way he will keep me working for him is if I get pregnant and I'm not ready to have a baby. I'm trying to get my dad to expand the buisness so me and my fiance can move out of state and not deal with them because everyday is just presure. They like to tell me what I do wrong in my life. My fiance is the only person that makes me feel better. I feel like my parents think I'm getting married on impulse. Theyre mad because they don't know him so they already hate him. I just don't like getting them involved with my life. So is it worth it? Should I just say "f you mom and dad I'm getting married?" They're already making it an issue about us living together. :/


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Your parents need to get over it. I mean really. If they can't then that speaks to their immaturity. You're a grown ass woman. You can marry who you want. It's not their choice. It's YOUR choice.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Maybe they should meet him and get to know him? If they develop a relationship with him, it will be harder for them to dislike him. Especially if he's a likeable guy.

    Part of their hesitation towards him could be due to not knowing him at all.

    You are 25, and at that age, parents like to still treat you as a child. Even though you are an adult, who is quite capable of making your own decisions. They need to understand that.

    I'm 26 and my mom still tries to parent me. There are times when you need a parent, but not when she is nagging me to do dishes or to wear a coat outside in the cold (like duh!).

    The fact is, you are an adult. Unfortunately they have a hard time seeing that because to them you are still their baby.

    I would sit and have a heart to heart with them. It's not fair if your dad is going to fire you just for wanting to get married. You are 25 years old!

    I have friends who already have 4 kids! And some of them are already married! 25 is not too young to get married, so I have no idea why they are so upset.

    If you are happy, that is all that matters.

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What Guys Said 5

  • This is little information for such a complicated idea. You should of course care what your friends and family think of the person you're marrying. Not that they have any say, but you are on the inside, and sometimes it's hard to see things when you're close to the situation. Many abused women think that everything is fine in the relationship, and that there is no reason to leave. Sometimes prejudice is the reason people don't approve of your relationship, or jealousy. If you love someone, and the relationship is mature, and healthy, and stable, then there is no reason to let other people influence your choice to marry. If they're legitimately concerned with your well being, then it's important for you to understand why. Ultimately, whatever choice you make, it will be your choice. Just be 100% sure this is what you want. So many marriages end in divorce these days. I hope you're happy, whatever path you take. Good luck.

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    • I kept it a secret that he was living with me and that we were dating and when they found out they blamed him. It was my choice to not tell them because when they get involved with stuff they try to control me and tell me what to do in my relationships. My parents are hard core old school catholics. My mom is already pushing me to have a traditional wedding in the church even though I don't want to.

    • If your guy is employed and helps with the bills and chores, I don't see a problem with him living with you. Unless of course he mistreats you, or abuses drugs or alcohol. Then the best job in the world wouldn't matter. If he's great to you, then you need to ignore your parents and live your life for you. They can't control what you do. Let them know that if they want a relationship with you, and your possible future children, that they need to respect your choices, and your guy.

  • I only care when it comes to my parents and family, beyond that no one else opinion on the matter is relevant. But even so if my family would have to understand that I choose to marry and spend my life with is my choice and that I wouldn't make that decision lightly without seeing something good in the woman in question and like her or not they would have to understand and deal with that.

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  • Why don't you set up a meeting or dinner so they can get to know him better?

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    • That's actually a good idea but I might have to wait till things simmer down.

    • I feel like they're making a bigger deal than it already is.

    • Most parents always want the best for their child and most boyfriends want the best for their girlfriends. Once they realize they want the same thing and they are fighting on the same side - there won't be any further problems.

  • Why won't your family approve of him? Do you know why it's important for your father to approve of him let alone your mom? How long have you dated before moving in with him?

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  • What don't they like about him? You can't help you you fall for. If your really in love and want to marry him that's your choice. This coming from a guy

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What Girls Said 7

  • this is a tough one. i believe strongly in parental approval but i think I'm in the minority. anyway if u love him and he loves u, and u know it will last despite the sceptics in ur family, then you'll have to try and prove them wrong, or do the thing which i DONT advise, which is to go off and separate yourselves from them, living your own life together and giving no fucks.

    your family raised you and put up with all your shit until it was time to let u go. i think they deserve better treatment.

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  • Marriage is a big decision. I don't know you or your parents or your fiance personally, but why is your mom getting hurt over it? As judgmental as they can be, sometimes parents can see flaws in our friends/partners before we can. I see a lot of girls where they are in abusive relationships (physical/verbal) and they don't notice it because they are so in love with the guy. Maybe she is worried for you or just wants the best for you?

    But it is your decision at the end of the day. All I'm saying is, marriage is a very big step so make sure that you are 100% ready to go through all the ups and downs in life with this guy and that you want to raise a family with him and all that. Make sure that he's the one for yourself. Because your happiness is what matters most!

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  • Well, how long have you two been together? That is a big factor in it. Also, if you're serious about this guy, then he should meet your parents. Your parents can't not like someone they haven't even met yet. They're just mad at the fact that you're living together. I say set up a lunch or dinner and have them meet.

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  • noooooooooo! nope!

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    • Nah i told my mom a long time ago the day I get a boyfriend they won't know about him. Its kinda of emabrssing ya know. lol

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    • I do. We have our own appartment. But they feel like they have to know everything that goes on. It's annoying.

    • Than don't tell them. I am sorry but its not your obligation. Find another job.

  • It's not up to them what you do because you're not under their roof. Could you sell It Works or cosmetics to support yourself if he fires you? I would say that parents raising you is a legal obligation and you don't owe them for anything, you're old enough to make your own path.

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  • Sounds like a good idea never to tell them at all... They seem too stubborn to ever accept what you do...

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  • You don't need your parents approval you are a grown women, do whatever you want. I don't give a shit what my parents think of my boyfriend and they won't stop me from marrying him. And your parents shouldn't stop you.
    You shouldn't care what people think, do what makes you happy ^_^

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