Toxic Love? Should I leave?

My fiance and I have been together for years but it just feels toxic. I love him but I feel empty & unwanted. He is a really nice guy excepts when he gets in a bad mood. When he gets in a bad mood he tends to throw around insults, and sometimes I deserve it. Especially if I didn't do something right. He never hits me though! Except when he's drunk but he always apologizs and gives me gifts. He always feels regret about it and he's promised to start going to A. A. I mean... I love him so much but I feel so dissconected. The only thing he's never apologized for is the time he came home drunk and held me Down to have sex. It's not the first time he's demanded it but that's the only time he held me Down. I don't know. I know this relationship is toxic but I can't bring myself to leave him. It's not because I'm scared of him or anything. People have a hard time believing it's because I actually do love him, despite his flaws..


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What Guys Said 1

  • Hokay, so. . . he gets in bad moods and insults you and gets drunk and hits you. And then he has held you down and forced sex. If you can tolerate this "rinse-repeat cycle" for the rest of your life then I guess he's your guy. But don't ever say you deserve it. He loves his drink far far more than he loves you.
    Just please, please don't bring any kids into a relationship like this. It won't end well for anyone.
    Personally, you need to kick him out and tell him you'll reconsider a relationship when he has been clean and sober for a year.


What Girls Said 2

  • Then you will never be happy. You have love yourself more than him.

  • LEAVE! please. I'm telling you there is better out there & no one should be treated that way. I understand you love him but as I read this I noticed you kept making excuses for everything he has done.. Strike 1- he throws around insults when he in bad mood & you think you deserve it.. that's sad ; no one should ever make you feel that way.
    Strike 2- he hits you when he's drunk & buys you gift to apologize.. ok so hm what if it escalates and he shoots you while he's drunk but oh he's sorry so he's going to buy you a car.. your life could be gone but since he apologized & gave you a gift you let it go? no!
    Strike 3- he raped you.. just b/c y'all are engaged doesn't mean it isn't rape.. he held you down! & never said sorry..

    ma'am you have to leave him. imagine you both having a daughter & she sees this.. you don't want her thinking it's ok for a boy to treat her like that. do what's best.. leave