Why do I feel so lonely when I'm single?

I have friends, I have a family who loves me, I have a great life and I really can't complain... but whenever I don't have a boyfriend I just feel very lonely... like I don't really have someone who truly understands me (even though I have a lot a best friends who do!)
I just feel sad and lonely and I think about how everything would be much better if I had a boyfriend who would love me and understand me and who would want to spend a lot of time with me. I have actually gone out with guys I didn't like that much only because I didn't want to be so lonely... I fell in love with some of them and it was great for a while until I just felt lonely again and thought I needed to find someone else who would fill that emptiness. But I want to be able to fill my own emptiness and I don't want my hapiness to depend on one person who may or may not leave me eventually... or even I may leave them because when the "honeymoon phase" is over I just feel lonely again. I don't know... I just want to be ok when I'm single because if I don't, I feel like every relationship I have is going to end the same way - with me feeling lonely again.


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What Guys Said 1

  • What you're describing is abnormal and probably won't go away on its own no matter who you meet if you're having recurring feelings of intense loneliness it sounds to me you need to be at peace with yourself first then you might be able to feel whole again around others. I struggled with something similar in the past so I can relate to how it might make you feel. Hang in there.

    • Yes I think so too! I think I need to deal with that in order to be happy with someone because if not I'll just feel great during the first months and then start feeling empty again when all the "new relationship" hype is gone... and I'll hurt the person I'm seeing too. I just don't know how to deal with it... I don't know if it's a "phase" or immaturity or what. When this happened to you... how did you manage to stop feeling like that? What did you do?

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    • Yeah, no problem glad I could help. If you ever need a friend message me. Take care.

    • thank you!! you too :-)

What Girls Said 2

  • Find a hobby or something you enjoy. You just need to get out and remind yourself what you used to do before you were dating boys

    • that's a really good advice! I definitely need to focus on my hobbies and hang out with people more often

  • Because you haven't learned to enjoy your own company and be happy within yourself. I went through something similar, and I am currently learning how to enjoy my own company and be happy within myself. Nobody is going to make you whole. You have to be your own whole.

    • But how are you doing that? Is it working for you? I just want to find a way to fix it so that I can be whole again, with or without someone...

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    • I think you are really close! and probably that's what makes me feel lonely too!! my sister is the only real close bond that I've kept, but she also lives far away now and has her own life... the problem is that I don't really know if there's a way to fix the feeling that I'm lonely and that I can't really keep any relationship :-/

    • It seems as if you want to be included so bad that you wind up losing yourself and the people around you. But you can fix that. It's not going to happen overnight but it will happen if you take the time to figure yourself out and find the things that make you tick. It's really a process but you have to focus on yourself through it.