Why does it feel so hard to date outside of your ethnic group/race?

I mean, when it comes to Asian girls (especially Chinese girls), since I'm Asian (Chinese) myself, I get instant attraction and attention from them. I just get the vibe from them, that it's almost natural. I mean, I could date them and get their numbers right away, but since I'm busy with classes and studying, I don't have time for it. A couple of times, I somehow grab their attention. But when it comes to girls of other ethnic groups (like black, white, or latina girls), I feel like I have to work to somehow at least earn their attention. Not only that, I have to work five hundred times as much just to get them to recognize that I'm somehow a potential "mate".

I think it's true for me. But what about you? Do you naturally get along with other members of your 'ethnic group' as opposed to those that are not of your 'ethnic group'?

Updates:
I mean, non-Asian girls, especially non-Chinese girls, think that I'm creepy, when it's the opposite with Chinese girls. I mean, a lot of my white female and black female friends told me that I act weird and creepy, but it's different with Chinese girls.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think it's harder, but not worth worrying too much about. When you date outside your socially designated group, there are all sorts of things such as unfamiliarity and plain old discrimination that you have to hurdle, in addition to the whole chemistry thing that's preventing you from getting the girl you want.

    The trick is to not get obsessed with these hurdles. Some Asian guys think white guys, for example, have it so easy. But there are tonnes of lonely, frustrated white guys out there too. Ethnicity/race is just one another thing you have to do deal with. Hopefully, your positive qualities can overcome any initial barriers.

    For example, there was this white girl that I was interested in. We had coffee together, and I thought we had a good time, but she never warmed up to me. I never told her that I liked her, but I'm sure she at least had suspicions. Anyway, I always wondered if it was because I was Asian that she didn't like me back. Recently, I found out that she was dating some Chinese guy. So it was MY fault, not my race! That made me really happy.

    I know that vibe you're talking about. I definitely feel it more among Asian girls than girls of any other race. But I've had white, black, and Indian girls like me before, so I know I'm not trapped in some racial bubble. Is it a little harder? Yeah. But I just relish the challenge.

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What Girls Said 3

  • the mere exposure effect. ha. I'm taking a few psychology courses and it just made me think of that. to put it simply, psychologists attribute your situation to people essentially being attracted to their own faces, on a subconcious level atleast. 'familiarity breeds fondness." someone with the same race as your own is likely to share similar physical characteristis resulting in an initial attraction. of course there are exceptions to this, as there are for everything. it's by no means a solid rule or anything, just a general observation. I'm just a little stoked to finally be using something I've learned from college. ha. ; )

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  • thas a question tha I've been thinkin about for the past month nw, cs iv always liked other races(im black) bt kinda been too hesitant to admit it to people or even myself cause I get the feelin that it is so wrong to date outside my own race from other people so for a long time I ignored it and said to myself it ain't even worth thinkin bout. But now since havin spoken to a friend of mine who has been going with her white boyfriend (shes black) for like 2 years now, I finally got the courage to ask her how it is going out with him, what are peoples reactions, the public, her family, his family. she basically said it is damn hard, her and her boyfriend understand each other and accept eachother, but their families dnt really. she said she feels like she needs to change herself a little when she's with his family inorder to fit in and to have a sense of humour cs they make open remarks about her, and tha when he's at her house she knows he feels very uncomfortable cs the culture is so alien to him. In public its like they get so many looks when holdin hands, that she really need to get used to it because at first she said she never used to want to hold his hand in public to avoid angry looks. I don't know if its really worth the hassle going through tha whole ordeal but I would like to go out with a caucasian or an asian guy. I don't know wha peoples problem is.

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  • well I'm asian and I was adopted as a baby so I live in america. I find myself attracted to caucasian guys more often than any other race. my family is caucasian and that's kinda the culture I've been brought up with. I guess since that's what I've been brought up to I feel myself attracted to what I see on tv and stuff which is mainly caucasian guys. not that I'm not attracted to other races. I don't really get as much attraction from caucasian guys tho. I find that a lot of people that are africanamerican/black, middleeastern, and asian find me attractive. but usually I don't like them back, not cause theyre not cute but cause I don't like their personality like that. I think ur attracted to what you like culturely.

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What Guys Said 2

  • a 5 star question! But yea same goes for me, I usually get attention and positive vibes from my ethnic group but when I try to go after another its like calculus 3 math. its crazy

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  • Excellent question. For me, the answer is a definite "no." I'm black but I can't relate to "black culture" at all. Maybe the positive, progressive aspects, but I feel like a complete outsider because of the way I dress, speak, my preferences, etc. (I appreciate anyone though, regardless of race.) Needless to say, that's left me quite lonely. I'm not attracted to black girls for the most part, but I find myself very attracted to Asian and sometimes white girls, as well as girls of other ethnicities. I'm like you--I wish people were more open-minded about potential dating partners.

    I think most people have an almost inborn preference for their own race, but I just don't get that mindset at all.

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