Girls, what are the downsides of traditional dating for women?

Guys complain about being expected to pay for things when following traditional dating practices and customs. How unfair it is! How awful!

But. . . I know there are two sides to every story, so what are your complaints about the traditional rules of dating? Waiting for a guy to ask you? Having guys think that you owe them something because they paid for a fancy dinner? Something else? Please elaborate with a funny or illustrative story if you have one to share!


Most Helpful Girl

  • This is a great question! I often hear guys on here complaining about how hard dating is on them. And while I agree that it isn't easy for them, and maybe they have to do a bit of the heavy lifting in the beginning, but us girls have our own set of challenges:

    1. Dating is very hard on a girl who is not very attractive physically in the conventional sense. While looks is important for both sexes to attract the opposite gender, for men, being more visually inclined, looks is much higher on the priority list. It is much harder for an overweight girl for example to be found attractive by a man, than an overweight guy to a woman. Guys can make up for their lack of looks with wit, intelligence, confidence etc., but women to a lesser degree.

    2. Needing to wait for the guy to ask you out. Now this is changing, but I think there is still an air of certainty around whether it is ok to do or not. In the Asian context at least, it is still considered pretty taboo. So it takes real guts for a girl to be able to do that. When a guy asks out a girl, he is only risking rejection. When a girl asks out a guy, she is risking rejection AND overcoming the social taboo...

    3. On online dating, needing to sift through 10s of 1000s of messages, to find the good relevant matches - As a girl you are flooded with messages, winks or smiles or whatever from soooo many guys, many of whom clearly don't even bother to read your profile and just send a random 'hi.' You need to sift through all this to get to the genuine, well matched people. Not to mention you need to deal with the bad way many of them handle your rejection.

    4. Guys looking for nothing beyond sex, but giving you the impression that they want something long term - I'm not sure if there are women out there who do this, but I suspect more men do. I have no issues with those men looking for hookups and being open about it. My beef is with men lying to you that they are interested in a Long term relationship and waste your time, and cause heartbreak.

    5. Guys not approaching a beautiful or intelligent girl cos they think she is above their league or assume she is taken - Like me, many of these women don't care so much about looks and money, and are looking for some very specific qualities that you very well might possess. You wouldn't know if you didn't approach me, and leave me for all those players confident enough to approach me, cos all they are looking for is sex.

    • 6. Guys running away if the girl doesn't give him sex by the third or 5th date or whatever magic number - Some guys are worried about being 'taken advantage of' and bail if she doesn't sleep with him by a certain number of dates, cos they assume that she isn't attractive to him, and just using him to keep her occupied while she waits for someone better to come along. Some girls just take longer to feel the emotional connection required for her to be ready for sex.

      7. Finding it harder to find a match when you are professionally successful, independent and intelligent - again, this is changing, but I think a lot of men even today are threatened by women with these qualities. It's also cos the traditional notion of men marrying down (status vise,) while women marry up. You find this often I'm Asia, like in Singapore and Hong Kong where a lot of local remain unmarried, cos the men prefer to get wives from the surrounding developing countries with more demure, traditional women.

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    • Perhaps you should write a myTake on this subject. I get quite irritated with guys complaining about how difficult dating is for guys while they never even consider what it is like for girls; they just assume it's all hot biscuits and honey if you are a girl.

    • Maybe I will! Yes, I find it irritating too. And often I think that is one of the qualities that puts off girls they ask out. They have built this resentment within them towards women in general, which gets reflected in their attitude.

      Thanks for MHO! 😊

What Girls Said 5

  • It's the expectation that we need to be chased and looked after. While I won't object if he opens the door for me I'm not expecting him to pay for everything. To me it feels like being bought. I prefer to split. Plus there's the expectation that he has to ask, he has to make the moves. A bit of spontaneity goes a long way.

  • Well yeah I rather no-one spend money on me. I get like for 4 people lol!

  • I don't really have time to share a long story sadly but its not really a tradition.. That is the way things supposed to go.

  • I was close friends with a great guy for about a year before he told me that he liked me, back in December. I told him I didn't feel the same way but I didn't want it to ruin our friendship because he was one of my best friends.
    He started moping around, avoiding me, and sending awkward texts about how awful it is to be single. He also knew I was planning to ask a different guy friend to our school dance because said friend had never been asked to a school dance before, but he was acting really jealous and cold about the whole thing. Understandable, I guess, but I'm free to make my own decisions and he can't get mad at me for pursuing other guys!
    Then, about a week after he told me he liked me, he completely dropped our friendship. He stopped finding me between classes to talk to me, didn't text me at all, and would intentionally look away from me in the halls at school. He acts like I don't exist anymore! I mean, I kinda told him to get off the pity pot when he was moping around, but our friendship was really boring when he was always being sad about the fact that I didn't like him.

    • Young guys sometimes take rejection very hard. People like to talk about girls fantasizing about things but guys do it, too. Maybe he had already built it up in his head that you would fall in love and get married. What is wrong with him is something that only experience will cure and, unfortunately, you will pay the price in the meanwhile.

  • Well, there are a few downsides to dating in general.

    I would say my biggest complain is wasted time. I feel like there are a lot of people out there who waste your time. They act like they are interested but then it's all just a show. They really aren't. I've been lead on so many times.

    People are also very flakey. They set up a date and time, then flake last minute.

    To be honest, most dates now a days are just coffee dates. I miss going out to a dinner or doing something fun. I don't drink coffee, so for me it's kind of awkward. I've had so many people get disappointed when I don't order coffee (I drink tea). I like to feel special, so it really makes a guy stand out when we go on an interesting date. Something that makes it memorable.

    Plus there are people who only want to get into your pants, so they pretend to want a relationship just so they can have sex. I find that's the biggest problem. I guess that would be considered part of wasting time.

    Or the people who try to convince you that despite wanting a monogamous relationship that you are somehow a bad person for not wanting to be in an open relationship with them.