What Are Your Views On Dating Someone With Kids?

As a 25 year old man, it becomes frustrating to me when I meet women with kids.

At age 28 or older, I would start to expect to see women with kids. That's totally understandable. However... what I don't understand is how there's so many single moms out there, between the ages of 19-25, who already have 1, 2 or three kids. I just don't understand the rush to have kids, nor do I understand why these single parents get mad when people don't want to date them. It was your choice to have a kid, and you made the decision to impact your life/dating life by doing so.

My mom had her first kid at age 16 with one guy (he is now a low level internet preacher)

My mom had her 2nd kid age age 19 with another guy (He has various jobs and has had some mental issues in the past).

When my mom met my dad in her late 20s, they got married and my dad was stuck with 2 kids that weren't even his. My dad slowly began to dislike my moms kids, becauase he said they were very disrespectful. As such, my mom's kids and my dad never really saw eye to eye and he spent a lot of his time having to take care of them and then he kicked them out when they turned 18.

And now... 20 years later, my older brother (my moms kid) has moved back in with my parents and temporarily my dad is working overtime to help him out and get him back on his feet and it isn't even his kid.

This is why I never want to date a single mom. You spend a good portion of your life paying for someone else's mistake.

That sad things is that a lot of the single moms I meet these days are barely in their mid 20s.

  • I don't mind dating a single parent
    45% (63)25% (25)37% (88)Vote
  • I wouldn't date a single parent
    55% (76)75% (77)63% (153)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
Basically... the moral of my story?

My mom dated 2 loser men and then married a great guy (my dad). My dad is college educated, has a management position, is a renaissance man (knows a lot about computers, cars, tools, lawn care, cooking, home-care, etc)... but thanks to all of his successes, he got stuck with a woman with 2 kids... by 2 different loser men.

That is what the "good guy" deserves... right?
www.tmz.com/.../

Reading the comments on that article... he is a "good man" for taking care of a single mom. That is how "good men" are rewarded these days. We are good men for taking on someone else's kid and working hard for someone else's kid/family.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I see this a lot myself and I kind of feel the same way.

    I am a college educated woman, I have a good career, i have a good head on my shoulders and want a family some day. But I want to have my own kids. Unfortunately there is a flip-side to what you have said about young women having kids, is that there are also plenty of young men who have kids.

    I'm 26 years old, and I feel hard-pressed to find a guy who A) wants kids, and B) doesn't already have kids.

    Most of the guys I meet already have a few kids and are not interested in having more. That to me means it is is unfair to be with them because I want kids some day. So obviously I don't date them. But they get frustrated because they can't find anyone.

    It's hard, because so many people think I should just settle for a guy who already has kids. I don't mind dating a guy with kids, but I want to make sure that he is fully out of the old relationship and can focus on our relationship. I don't want a guy who is going to date me as a means to get money and get back on his feet, only to go back to baby mama and all of their drama. I've had enough heartbreak in my life, I don't need any more.

    Ultimately, it's up to the person without kids to make a decision. There's nothing wrong with dating someone with kids if it doesn't bother you. But if it does, then you need to find someone without. There are women without kids who are working really hard to get ahead. We are out there, you just may not see us because we are busy working during the day and trying to improve ourselves at night.

    I really, really really really (REALLY REALLY REALLY!) want to meet a guy and settle down. But unfortunately I haven't been lucky enough to meet anyone yet. People assume that I am solely career focussed (which is untrue). I feel they think this way because I haven't settled down yet or had kids. But I am merely just searching for the right person. I'm not picky, I have just had a run of bad luck with guys. But I want a guy who is going to stick around and not just leave me pregnant and alone.

    I'm sure in some of these cases that is what happened. The person had a baby with someone they thought loved them and wanted a life with them and it didn't work out. So I don't look at them as being irresponsible.

    But it's just really hard to find a guy who wants to have kids. There are already so few of them around and it seems like the only guys available already had their kids and don't want any more :(

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    • there are far less men who have kids this is a much bigger issue for men.

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    • I agree with everything you say. Well stated.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I do understand your perspective. But I think you're still seeing things in terms of good and evil. Life is messy. People are young, naive, make mistakes, fuck up. 'Fuck ups' make life interesting. You could argue that they give your life purpose. When everything is perfect, there is no need for any momentum. You're judging people harshly for what they've done in the past in that regard, and you may be 'clean' there, but are you so in other areas of your existence? Do you see what I'm saying?

    You're looking at situations objectively, from the outside looking in, finding them distasteful, but ultimately, we're dealing with people, with different dynamics. What for example, if the single mum is totally independent, has her own job and house, and a fairly stable family dynamic? You're sort of dis-empowering and looking down on people that might be entirely happy with their lot, you're automatically saying it's a load of shit; whereas the woman, though she may have struggled, though it may not have been 'ideal', may be totally content with it. I understand your past experiences may have tarred you, still, not every situation would be like that. Even if the man does get involved, he's entitled to do so on his own terms and ensure he doesn't get entirely trampled over.

    I think it's legitimate to not want that dynamic, it's not something I really want for myself (just because my own life is tumultuous - in fact, I don't even really want to date either atm). I don't really like children either, and I'm sure the woman deserves someone who does like them :) However my own experience is that inflexibility and not challenging your own perceptions can be unhelpful to you in the long run. Try and be open if you can.

    Hmm, looking again at your comments, it does seem there's a lot of anger and frustration there with regard to what your dad experienced. Maybe that's colouring your outlook to a degree.

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    • Strife either makes a person or breaks them. But the strife, the strain, is essential for strengthening and overcoming (transcendence). That's what I'm trying to say, I guess.

What Girls Said 46

  • I think your outlook is a bit harsh. My mother had my sister and I to an absolute loser. They split and she met my stepdad, who treats us and loves us like he would his own kids. He never wanted to have kids of his own with mum, because we were more than enough for him.
    It's pretty awful to blame the kids for that. I think a good man would realise that, and if he didn't want to commit to raising them as his own, that's fine, but don't commit to it then take it out on the kids. That's a shit thing to do.

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  • im not gonna date a single parent. it has nothing to do with the kid. i just prefer to be a guy's first.

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  • What the biggest pile of shit I've read in my life...
    If a woman and a man have a baby together that's the woman and mans responsibility, if they split up its still their responsibility- just because a woman has a kid young doesn't mean she's looking for a daddy figure for her kid... doesn't mean they are desperate either. I have 2 kids, I have been single along time but do you know what pisses me off that their is men out there who wouldn't look at me twice because of my kids- I have someone even claim my kids were baggage! It was a good job that was over the internet because if they said that to my face they'd have been punched out. No one sets out in this world to become a single parent.. it's hard work, but we learn to do things for ourselves without relying on anyone. Anyone here including yourself can become a single parent and how would you feel someone say that to you? what if your girlfriend walks out on you and your kid? what if the mother of your kid dies? Bam single parent... then you'll know how it feels to have people look their noses down on you... my sister had a baby at 17... her babies dad died when baby was 9 months old in a car accident she became a single mum.. unless you are in that position then please judge, if not then give must single mums the respect they deserve don't just put it down to women theirs some cnts of men who walk away as if leaving came naturally to them leaving the woman with kids- do these women deserve that and then having men like you come away with the trash... ask any single mum if they choose to be single mums they'll tell you no... because she's had a baby with someone else! Big deal ffs get a grip of yourself times have changed now...

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    • 17 is too young period.

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    • Worst contributors to society? Last time I checked I paid my taxes... not bad for a single mum huh..

    • Can't take the truth, can you? There's nothing selfish or wrong about men not wanting single moms. Deal with it ! Fact of life, most men don't want single moms. And if
      you're honest and objective, you'd see and understand why. I'll be damned if I'll be second best to someone else's kids. NO way Jose !

  • I would not date a man with children unless he was an absolutely phenomenal human being, we shared a special type of magnetism, and I could see us being life partners through thick and thin. Otherwise, I'd rather avoid the inevitable complications.

    Even if a childless parent goes into the experience with positivity, an open mind, and a refined collection of knowledge on the situation, things may not work out between the two people and that's an additional attachment they must sever with the child because they have no legal rights. If you spend enough time with a child, you will bond with them and grow to be fond of them. You'll notice yourself missing their little voice and the cute things they say or do. If things simply don't work out or end on a bad note, then the parent may even be spiteful and nasty saying "That's MY child." I've seen it before.

    My second concern would be that the single parent does not have a healthy, constructive approach towards introducing the childless person to their leftover family. Some single parents are horrible at being balanced with their time and attention, essentially creating friction between their child/children and the childless person. Some of them will let their child be rude, behave badly, and do/say things that are completely inappropriate and should never be tolerate from any child. Some single parents are complete pushovers and they let their children manipulate them then they expect for the childless person to be accepting of that dynamic and embrace it as well. Some single parents will let their child rule adult relationships.

    Those are situations I have absolutely zero interest or desire to experience.

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  • At this point in my life I wouldn't date a single parent, I'm not willing to take on the role as a potential step mum. I have nothing against others that do, but I already have a hard time sometimes balancing my own relationship couldn't imagine how much pressure it is to have when there is a child involved.. when you date someone with a child or children you date their kids too, and it's just something i'm not willing to do at 21 years old. The last person I was sleeping with for more than a year had two young children, I knew what they looked like he talked about them and it was really cute, but I wasn't dating him and I didn't meet them and that is why i was okay with it because it was just US when it was supposed to be, I knew he other priorities however he did not make me feel like I had to stay solely because of the children.

    Now I wouldn't say particularly "paying for someone elses mistake" because to them their kids are not mistakes and yes I see why they want the happy ever ending however not every situation is the same of course. Ultimately it is a CHOICE to decide to date someone with children.

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  • Okay... about to be brutally honest... you've been warned:
    A) Your dad slowly beganto dislike your moms kids... shows your dads true colors. It's not as if your mom popped these hidden children out of a closet one your dad had put a ring on it. He knew she was a mother and if he couldn't love those children as much as his own then he shouldn't have married her because all he was doing is setting up a tremendous amount of additional heartache for those kids to be raised by a man who dislikes them. He was grossly irresponsible and selfish.
    B) There is a lot of "my mom's kids"/"my dads kids"/"my 100% brother"... bullcrap. When you marry someone you marry them all or nothing. You say your moms son is back and now your dad is working overtime to help a kid that isn't is? Well genius, when he said will you marry me he took on the fatherly role... and apparently he sucked at it for them at least. So is it any wonder that your moms kids who grew up under the care of a man who disliked them and biological fathers who weren't there it seems, turned out rough around the edges? They grew up disliked and unappreciated.
    C)"You spend a good portion of your life paying for someone elses mistake"... This is the silver lining here... that as bad a father as your dad was to those kids, he hated it so much that you grew up believing kids before marriage as "someones elses mistake"... thank the Lord for that because now some other children won't have to grow up in the Hell that it seems like your dad provided them. "Someone elses mistake" can be raised by a real man who can love them 100% and be the examplle that the need in their life.
    This entire post is disgusting to say the least.

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    • Nobody can love someone else's kids like their own. I don't buy it.

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    • @Marinepilot yeah that was prettt shady. How does she "forget" to mention her son. Yeah I definitely don't support people who are secretive about it. That's unfair to whoever their dating, and what if you really grew to love her before that bombshell was dropped. She was wrong for that.

    • It wouldn't have mattered if I loved her (which I didn't) I still would
      have left her. I'm adamant about this. No single mothers for me. No way Jose.
      I tried it three times and it never ended well. One girl's ex wanted to take exception.
      So I rendered unto him a nasty ass whipping. I broke his jaw, nose and blew out his ear drums. Crazy bastard brought a knife to a gun fight. All because I was dating his ex
      and she had two kids by him. This was so unnecessary. This was my aha moment
      about dating single mothers. I realize not all situations are like this. But for whatever
      reason, exes feel threatened by me. Actually, it's none of their business. by the way, her ex got busted with two kilos of coke and a bunch of guns. He's in prison for a very long time. Her kids are grown and she lives in a trailer park somewhere in Georgia.

  • I would be a terrible parental figure so I have a no kids rule.

    However, if a person finds the right person for them and they can deal with kids, I think you should at least try.

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    • Best bet get to know someone with older kids, I have older kids I wouldn't date someone who has a baby or a toddler I'm done with the shitty bums... I'm no ones step mummy... if someone has kids they come as a package- I'd learn to treat the kids like my own but from a distance as they would already have a mother...

    • @Brokenheartedx I think that's a really wonderful way to be. It's horrible to feel like a second class kid to your parental figure.

  • A guy perused me and later I found out he has a grown son with some cheap tart. The son looks just like him which upset me a lot. I did see a future with him but now I don't think I could go ahead with a relationship. Some men just jump into bed with any cheap woman then expect others to accept his past and ignore their own feelings and standards. I don't need the drama either that comes with it.

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  • i wouldn't, because i don't want kids (my own, or anyone else's) and would be a terrible influence.

    i have stepparents, and i have nothing but respect for anyone who can be a good one (my dad is the poster child for awesome stepparents). that said, i wouldn't want to be one, for several reasons: the main one being that i don't want any kids, but also that i'd rather not deal with someone's baby-mama until we die/break up.

    i re-entered the dating world at 27, and i assumed that anyone i met would have at least one marriage and a couple of kids under his belt. at the time, i said that i was okay with being a stepparent, but that's because i thought i didn't have a choice.

    (fortunately, i found an amazing guy who, like me, was over 25 and had never been married or had kids. people think it's weird that this will be the first and only marriage for both of us and that there are no kids in the picture, but we're happy this way.)

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    • Why would you expect single people 27-30 to have kids? Most people I know don't have kids until 30's now. A lot of my friends are still single in late 20's/early 30's.

      The only people I know who started before 25 are Mormons or dirtbags who got preggers at 17.

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    • I guess smaller towns tend to be that way. The ones who get married relatively early tend to stick around, the singles head for the big city.

    • @zagor understandably, since there are more prospects.

      when i moved here, i was in a relationship with my (now-ex) partner of 5 years, who had moved home to be closer to his family. because i was already involved with someone, i didn't have to worry about the dating scene, until we broke up almost 3 years later.

      i had an friends with benefits for a couple of years after that, so i wasn't really looking for anything serious until quite recently. i created an online profile for fun, but almost everyone i talked to had kids or was divorced~ i thought it might have been an age thing, though it's true that the ratio of single to married/divorced adults seems higher because there are fewer people.

  • I wouldn't mind dating a single parent, but obviously not right now. Even if we ignore that I'm in a relationship, I'm still a 19 year old kid with no job and in full time education. I don't have the time or the money to put into a child and, ultimately, I am always looking for something long-term, I don't want just a fling. So yeah, I wouldn't want my own kid right now, there's no way I want to be involved with someone else's, though it's something I'd be okay with if I was older and more settled.

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  • Good thing for you, no one forces you to do so. Your family situation obviously sucked but it can also turned out good.
    I have a girl friend who's in a relationship with a man who already has one kid from a past relationship. Of course, it's not always easy because she isn't the mum and can't really educate him but she gets along with the kid. Just because it didn't work out for your dad doesn't mean it's the case for everybody.
    Would I date someone who has kids? probably not, at least not my age.

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  • It doesn't always turn out that badly though, my boyfriend's dad was a dirtbag that abused his mom and left her with a very young son and a baby daughter. Then my boyfriend's dad (technically stepfather) started dating her and helped raise my boyfriend and his sister and they eventually had a daughter together. My boyfriend and his younger sister don't even really remember their biological dad and their step-father is the only dad they have ever known so he has always had them call him dad. He loves all his kids and he knows it wasn't their mom's fault because she was planning a life with the first guy before he became abusive and both the kids were planned and they were married. Then unfortunately he became abusive so she had to leave him. No one is forcing you to date a single parent but it is the path some people choose and enjoy.

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  • I'm a single parent... divorced... so all I can say is do what feels right for you. What was right for me was to not stay in a bad marriage. Usually divorced women end up dating divorced men because, as you say, guys who don't already have kids don't want someone else's.

    I always wanted a girl, so personally I'd be happy if I met someone with a daughter. However, it would have to be a very stable situation with no drama, as you say.

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  • I am very thankful not everyone is like you because my divorced parents have fantastic partners that love me and my brother like their own. You marry the kids too and if he knew he didn't love the kids he shouldn't have gotten married to their mother.

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  • I strongly prefer a partner with no kids because I don't want kids.

    If he does have kids, he'd have to be really fucking awesome. And no babymama drama. That's rare, so preferably no kids please.

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  • I agree with 100%. You think it's hard for you to meet childless people in your 20's, try your 30's.

    Kids is a deal breaker for me. Too many people being irresponsible and getting pregnant. I don't want that kind of baggage.

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    • Maybe you should date a better class of people. Most people I know spent their 20's doing the education/career thing (or else traveling the world) and hit 30 child-free.

    • @zagor what are you talking about? Where did I imply the "class" of people I dated? Uh that's great you know so many people that didn't get married and become baby making machines but what's that got to do with his question or my response?

    • Sorry, I think I responded under the wrong opinion...

  • I wouldn't date a single parent. I'm way too young to deal with kids and it's not how I ideally see my future relationship : Meet> Love>Get Married> Have babies together.

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  • I am sure none tied your dad with chains and forced him to be with your mum, he is an adult and made this decision. Your mums kids are as much her kids as you, although it seem to me that you see yourself as superior. What you describe is your perception of the situation, we dont know how your dad feels about it. There are men who are perfectly happy to be with a woman even if she has kids and there are men that treat those kids as theirs and not see them as a burden. I take my hat off to those men. The rest if they dont want someone elses kids is their decision, life goes on. Just because a kid isn't your biological kid it doesn't mean that that there aren't men out there that love them as theirs

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    • "What you describe is your perception of the situation, we dont know how your dad feels about it."

      He told me that marrying a woman with kids was one of the worst decisions of his life, and it has cost him a lot of money.

      "although it seem to me that you see yourself as superior."

      Just a little bit. My older siblings were never an example for me. My older sister was always a rebel, got kicked out many times, didn't finish school (she later got her GED), and ended up having a kid with a drug addict... and now, at age, 35, she is dating some 21 year old pot head.

      My older brother... he moved back in with my parents (because he wanted to relocate to our state). He isn't as bad as my older sister, but I am more mature than him and take care of business.

      I finished college, got a great job, and I have influenced my younger brother (who is 100% my brother) to be confident in himself and to always be the best he can be. He is in high school, advanced placement classes, etc.

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    • Well in that case it seems that your dad bit more than what he could chew. Still if he had those feelings towards the kids then he should do the descent thing and walk away or your mum should put the kids first and kick him out. Those kids didn't ask to be in that position, is the adults that messed up. You talk and act like a spoiled brat , thinking that you are too good comparing to them. Maybe you are more *successful* because you got a better chance in life and had two parents to love you instead of thinking that you are a burden. One day when you grow up (at the moment i dont think you are mature enough to hold a proper conversation) i hope that you will see it for what it is and be a nicer person. You maybe even feeling threatened by them that they will take mummy's and daddy's attention away from you and you act like this.

    • Sounds good.

  • I would NEVER. I have had terrible experiences with other people's children in general and I can't imagine the horror of having to live with the little shits. Absolute deal breaker. But, this is all coming from someone who doesn't want to even create her own spawn, so obviously someone with kids is a no-go.

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  • I probably wouldn't but it would really depend on the situation with the other parent. I don't want to get into a relationship where there's unresolved issues on the other end due to a baby inevitably tying them together.

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  • Honestly, I'm not here to judge because it varies from all cases, but I totally agree with you!
    I see where you're coming from and totally understand you, as I would love to have my children from the one man I'm sure about sharing my life with. Don't want multiple baby daddy's, I'm sorry but raising other people's kids is not what I'm exactly excited about

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  • I can understand your point of view because one of my goals is to never become a single mom. I have this coworker who is only 20 (just turned 20 too) and she has 2 kids.

    But I'm a romantic at heart, so if I really do love them and want to be with them because of who they are, then it wouldn't matter. (People say I'm amazing with kids.) To say the honest truth, I don't mind dating a single parent, but if I had to pick one or the other, depending on the situation, I wouldn't want to (if that makes sense lol).

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  • What Are Your Views On Dating Someone With Kids?
    I don't think much about them.

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  • Once I find out a guy has a kid I lose interest no matter how physically attracted I am.

    Only found out about it once while the other man was more upfront about it.
    To be fair they were 8 years my senior so I should have expected that they'd have kids.
    I was 18 he was 26 and the other time I was 19 and he was 28. We didn't date just talked and flirted

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  • Well I'm dating well what was a single parent dhjkkz. $$$$$$%%&+?9999?2233334466

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  • I wouldn't date a guy with kids. I don't think I could handle it. I don't even want kids of my own, let alone someone else's kids.

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  • No. I don't have kids and won't date a man who has any.

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  • I would never date a man with kids. I don't want children, I have no patience for them, I don't know how to deal with them and I also don't want to deal with their mother/s.
    So, no kids for me.

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  • I'm not at a phase in my life that is conducive to children. I'm not sure that I even want kids.

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  • Would you change your mind if it was Amanda Stanton from The Bachelor? http://az801229. vo. msecnd. net/wetpaint/2015/10/bachelor-2016-amanda-stanton2jp. jpg

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What Guys Said 42

  • That's sucks to hear about your dad. One man should never take on the burden of raising another mans child.
    The reason why she had children with two different loser men is because most likely she was turned on by those loser men. I've seen it happen time and time again women just aren't attracted to the great guys any more, not the nice guys, but the great guys. Women want the thug, the bad boy or the snap back and tattoos kind of guy.
    Which ultimately leads to the single mom under 25 debauchery. They get pregnant by the guy that they were hot for. Then they find out he doesn't want a kid and won't take care of the child.
    Now he becomes a "deadbeat" dad.
    Then she ends up being a single mother hoping to find some nice guy who will take on the burden. Which she does.
    Then a few years down the road she will cheat on the nice guy because she was hot for the thug down the street once again.
    Then falls pregnant a second time.
    Then the nice guy she's married to thinks it's his kid. Then a couple years down the road nice guy finds out the kid is not his wants a divorce but because of the dreaded court system he will be forced to pay alimony and child support. Leaving him to sleep on the floor in his studio apartment trying to pay off the debts he owes his ex wife because she cheated and got pregnant.
    Then he goes in debt up to his eye balls and can't seem to break free so he ends up drinking himself to sleep. Until one night he doesn't wake up.
    It's no wonder these days that the male suicide rates are significantly higher.
    It's no wonder why men at vast numbers are not wanting to get married.
    Marriage is too risky.
    It's become too much like a business agreement instead of being about loving that special person.
    Unfortunately women even this day in age still grow up wanting that Prince Charming so they have high expectations for men thinking that they should be like Prince Charming when no man will ever be Prince Charming. So then they ask where're did all the good men go. Well we moved on became smart enough to realize how females truly are well most of them. Point is marriage is not something that should be taken lightly it's a serious issue for most and life threatening for some.

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  • not doing it. I'm not going to "salvage another man's mess"

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  • So I was in your situation. In my early and mid twenties if I met a girl and found out she had kids, that relationship would move nothing past friendship for me. Kids were a deal breaker because I didn't wanna be made a step dad and be guilted (if that's a word) into buying things for him or her. But now I'm almost 29 and I swear it's almost impossible to meet a single girl without kids. So what did I do? I tried it out. I dated my last ex, a single mother, for almost 5 months. Now I understand people are different. But she made it clear that while her son came first, I also wasn't expected to pay for anything for her son.
    Yes people make mistakes. But they shouldn't be doomed to never be able to be in love again. it's a different ball game dating a single parent. It takes a real man/woman to go through with it. And it's not for everyone. But I recommend just keeping an open mind

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  • just dont do it. fuck these bitches man get yourself st right first. dont date women with kids. your resources should go to your children.

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    • This is exactly perfect. Couldn't beven said any better.

  • Looks like your mum had 2 bad relationships and then found a great guy. While you say they were loosers what did she think at the time? Does she consider either of your brothers a mistake and you will find your dad doesn't either.

    I'm a step dad my girlfriend is divorced and had a 5 year old. I knew she had a kid when we got together. But when she was married and got pregnant she didn't realise how much of a twat her ex would become.

    It can be very hard at times and some women do expect the new man in their life to spend a lot on their child while others do not. But if you are going to take the mantel of step parent you have some responsibility's that go with it. I'm not expected to pay for things for my step daughter but I have no problems with buying her new clothes when we do the weeks food shopping if she is with me. My girlfriend always offers to pay me back but I say no as even though it's me earning it its our money.

    You shouldn't rule out women just because they have kids, if your dad did that you wouldn't be here now to moan about him being a mug. Talk to him about it and how he feels, don't just sit here with a load of people saying it's a deal breaker if they have never dated someone with kids.

    Yes their children do come first but if it's a long term relationship those children will be yours too. Over important things I get a greater say than her ex as I'm there and he gets his say, over the normal decisions in my step daughters life it's me and her mum who has the say and her ex doesn't get a say in the matter.

    So the too long didn't read version is go talk to your dad about the situation, he will tell you the good points and bad points. Take what people here say and remember it but talk to the key person in your life who has gone through this.

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  • Any woman who has kids when she isn't married is an idiot. Any woman who gets married before she is about 25 is a fool.

    Don't date idiots and fools.

    The divorce rate drops dramatically too for women who get married (without having kids yet) after they are 25.

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    • This opinion makes you an idiot.

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    • @REALisRARE
      You had two chances to fix your "mistake", maybe three.

      Maybe you could have used the morning after, depending on when it became available..
      You certainly could have gotten abortion.
      You certainly could have gone through an adoption.

      But no, you had to do the irresponsible thing and bring a child into the world that you can't properly take care of.

    • First of all... I don't believe in morning after, nor do I believe in abortion. Also: neither of those two things change anything, they just make you the mother of a dead child. And I'm sorry Mr Perfect, who are you again? Who are you to say that I'm irresponsible and my child isn't taken care of? Because you know what I did as a single mother? Worked and went to school and had good insurance for her, and clothes on her back, and a roof over her head, in a safe neighborhood. She's 9 years old now and happy and healthy with a life full of memories. Some of us when we make a poor choice... except responsibility for our choices... and we pull up our big girl panties and move forward. Is it a hard road? At times. Is it a cake walk? Hardly. But she's never been without, in fact she has far more than she needs, and she has a father and mother who absolutely adore her. So please just stop with your self righteous attitude and assumptions that I'm irresponsible.

  • I would do it, but that woman would need to be awesome, and the kid would have to be well adjusted.

    As said,
    "Dating a woman with kids is like playing on another mans saved game"

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  • I wouldn't want to date a single mom but I would if she was a great person and wasn't in a complicated situation Understand baby daddy issue may affect you. Don't just dive in, because some single parents cheat on their spouses with baby daddies. You also might have a problem with the children because some children disrespect step fathers and mothers because you are not biological (i know a lot of people like that). Look at risk vs reward.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbfVd2bqFXg

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    • Bitch slap that little bastard six ways into next week and send him to live with his tired ass dad.

  • Nope. Not for me. Only and only if I were to have kids of my own - then it would be fair.

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  • Kids are fine by me. But if she's recently-divorced, and doesn't appear to have a care in the world, and makes a lot of empty promises, I run the other way. Because to me, those are red flags.

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  • No, a single mom would be an instant dealbreaker.

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  • I tried it. I know it can work, however it didn't for me on multiple levels. She had a four year old daughter , and at the time we started dating wanted to have another within two years. Homey don't do deadlines like that. A child is something I'm not bringing into this world on someone else's BS deadlines. Second while her kid was pretty cool at times, she was generally pretty naughty and never listened. If I'm going to have a kid, it's gonna be with someone who feels the need for discipline, as I'm not dealing with little monsters for years.

    Not to mention the fact I'm strongly leaning towards not having kids, and have been debating getting snipped for years. The main thing stopping me, is I'm an average blue collar guy with a good construction job. The type of women I find very seldom are cool with the idea of not having kids.

    But back to the point. She would have to be pretty incredible for it to not be a deal breaker. I'm talking like Scarlet johannsen, level gorgeous and a personality to match. Not likely something I could pull off.

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  • Your dad :/ is a good man but deserves better; seriously I will not date a women who has a child, those events are just exhausting. And thinking about it from your view; it is fixing someone else's mistakes. It's not to much to ask for a fresh start on equal grounds.

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    • JamesO-You're 100% right. Dating single mothers is way more trouble than it's worth. No reason to.

  • Because women date and sleep around with these douchbags and then other good deserving men have to deal with the shit those losers left behind... this is why there are so many single women with kids..
    And you are right no need to date these single mothers...
    And i won't date a girl with kids too... unless and untill i dont have to pay for her kids what so ever..

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  • I wouldn't date a single parent just because I'd rather be that gals first and I would want to make and raise my own kids, not someone else's.

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  • My mother dated and had a long relationship with another father of 2. I think it went great.

    Single parents dating single parents is really nice, in my opinion.

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  • there are plenty of women without kids at every age now, there is no good reason to date someone with kids.

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  • i am preparing for divorce now, my son is 14 months old and my wife of 2.5 years took him and left almost 2 months ago after being emotionally abusive and cheated on me (yes we married out of love and no pregnancy was involved).
    so from your point of view i should stay forever single and no one should date me because i already have a son?

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  • Dating a single parent highly depends on a few factors
    1) Age of the child (ren)- If they're in their teen years but dependent, then no
    2) Ex Drama- I don't have time for Baby Daddy drama
    3) How many- Any over 2 kids is a no-no
    4) Dependency of the mom- If she is just looking for someone to pick up the slack, and nothing else, then no
    5) Attitude of the kids- I don't have time for bitter-ass kids (see #1)

    My chances of dating a single mom are very low, so I say B

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  • Either ways, having kids is a big responsibility but if they were your own kids then you would have more 'investment' which would make things more bearable.

    Perhaps some women have children at younger ages because they're impatient and/or irresponsible. I think it could be a red flag but it all depends on the circumstances.

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  • I don't even want kids of my own, so I'm not dating someone who already has them. I'm not going to compete with her children for her attention.

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  • Single parents are always looking for someone to help out financially and as a surrogate father/mother.

    Do u want to spend ur money raising someone else's child and/or being their step dad/mom? Do you want a woman/man who's already made a family? Do u want to risk losing ur lover just because their child doesn't like you?

    Single parents have a divorce rate of 75 percent when they marry another. Think about it.

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  • Eh, it depends to be honest. I don't mind the children neither do I mind the responsibility but, I would hate to be taken advantage of by some single mother. (I'm not saying they're all bad or they're all good, but, I've seen in many occasions how some of these girls woo-ed some guys in to support her). So, I would most likely vote for a no.

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  • What's really funny is all the single moms who will say they will never date a single father.

    It's an issue.

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  • I'll never date someone with kids. I don't even really want kids of my own so there's no way that I'm going to help raise someone else's kid

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  • I wouldn't date somebody with kids.

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  • I'd only consider it if she was *really* awesome or hot.

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  • Im ok with it but dam if i feel that im secretley being groomed to be their next parent against my own will i will bail.

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  • I 'dated' a single mom once. That didn't bother me.

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  • I think if you're a parent at ages 16-21 you're a moron

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    • I couldn't agree more (sorry, mom XD)

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