As a 25 year old man, it becomes frustrating to me when I meet women with kids.
At age 28 or older, I would start to expect to see women with kids. That's totally understandable. However... what I don't understand is how there's so many single moms out there, between the ages of 19-25, who already have 1, 2 or three kids. I just don't understand the rush to have kids, nor do I understand why these single parents get mad when people don't want to date them. It was your choice to have a kid, and you made the decision to impact your life/dating life by doing so.
My mom had her first kid at age 16 with one guy (he is now a low level internet preacher)
My mom had her 2nd kid age age 19 with another guy (He has various jobs and has had some mental issues in the past).
When my mom met my dad in her late 20s, they got married and my dad was stuck with 2 kids that weren't even his. My dad slowly began to dislike my moms kids, becauase he said they were very disrespectful. As such, my mom's kids and my dad never really saw eye to eye and he spent a lot of his time having to take care of them and then he kicked them out when they turned 18.
And now... 20 years later, my older brother (my moms kid) has moved back in with my parents and temporarily my dad is working overtime to help him out and get him back on his feet and it isn't even his kid.
This is why I never want to date a single mom. You spend a good portion of your life paying for someone else's mistake.
That sad things is that a lot of the single moms I meet these days are barely in their mid 20s.
- I don't mind dating a single parent45% (63)25% (25)37% (88)Vote
- I wouldn't date a single parent55% (76)75% (77)63% (153)Vote
My mom dated 2 loser men and then married a great guy (my dad). My dad is college educated, has a management position, is a renaissance man (knows a lot about computers, cars, tools, lawn care, cooking, home-care, etc)... but thanks to all of his successes, he got stuck with a woman with 2 kids... by 2 different loser men.
That is what the "good guy" deserves... right?
Reading the comments on that article... he is a "good man" for taking care of a single mom. That is how "good men" are rewarded these days. We are good men for taking on someone else's kid and working hard for someone else's kid/family.
Most Helpful Girl
I see this a lot myself and I kind of feel the same way.
I am a college educated woman, I have a good career, i have a good head on my shoulders and want a family some day. But I want to have my own kids. Unfortunately there is a flip-side to what you have said about young women having kids, is that there are also plenty of young men who have kids.
I'm 26 years old, and I feel hard-pressed to find a guy who A) wants kids, and B) doesn't already have kids.
Most of the guys I meet already have a few kids and are not interested in having more. That to me means it is is unfair to be with them because I want kids some day. So obviously I don't date them. But they get frustrated because they can't find anyone.
It's hard, because so many people think I should just settle for a guy who already has kids. I don't mind dating a guy with kids, but I want to make sure that he is fully out of the old relationship and can focus on our relationship. I don't want a guy who is going to date me as a means to get money and get back on his feet, only to go back to baby mama and all of their drama. I've had enough heartbreak in my life, I don't need any more.
Ultimately, it's up to the person without kids to make a decision. There's nothing wrong with dating someone with kids if it doesn't bother you. But if it does, then you need to find someone without. There are women without kids who are working really hard to get ahead. We are out there, you just may not see us because we are busy working during the day and trying to improve ourselves at night.
I really, really really really (REALLY REALLY REALLY!) want to meet a guy and settle down. But unfortunately I haven't been lucky enough to meet anyone yet. People assume that I am solely career focussed (which is untrue). I feel they think this way because I haven't settled down yet or had kids. But I am merely just searching for the right person. I'm not picky, I have just had a run of bad luck with guys. But I want a guy who is going to stick around and not just leave me pregnant and alone.
I'm sure in some of these cases that is what happened. The person had a baby with someone they thought loved them and wanted a life with them and it didn't work out. So I don't look at them as being irresponsible.
But it's just really hard to find a guy who wants to have kids. There are already so few of them around and it seems like the only guys available already had their kids and don't want any more :(
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Most Helpful Guy
I do understand your perspective. But I think you're still seeing things in terms of good and evil. Life is messy. People are young, naive, make mistakes, fuck up. 'Fuck ups' make life interesting. You could argue that they give your life purpose. When everything is perfect, there is no need for any momentum. You're judging people harshly for what they've done in the past in that regard, and you may be 'clean' there, but are you so in other areas of your existence? Do you see what I'm saying?
You're looking at situations objectively, from the outside looking in, finding them distasteful, but ultimately, we're dealing with people, with different dynamics. What for example, if the single mum is totally independent, has her own job and house, and a fairly stable family dynamic? You're sort of dis-empowering and looking down on people that might be entirely happy with their lot, you're automatically saying it's a load of shit; whereas the woman, though she may have struggled, though it may not have been 'ideal', may be totally content with it. I understand your past experiences may have tarred you, still, not every situation would be like that. Even if the man does get involved, he's entitled to do so on his own terms and ensure he doesn't get entirely trampled over.
I think it's legitimate to not want that dynamic, it's not something I really want for myself (just because my own life is tumultuous - in fact, I don't even really want to date either atm). I don't really like children either, and I'm sure the woman deserves someone who does like them :) However my own experience is that inflexibility and not challenging your own perceptions can be unhelpful to you in the long run. Try and be open if you can.
Hmm, looking again at your comments, it does seem there's a lot of anger and frustration there with regard to what your dad experienced. Maybe that's colouring your outlook to a degree.6