23 year old girl never had a boyfriend, is it normal? What can I do?

I'm a 23 year old girl. I'm kind, sweet, and intelligent. No, I'm not overweight or unattractive, actually quite the opposite, but for some reason I've been extremely unlucky in love and never had a boyfriend or dated anyone. The only thing wrong with me is that I am extremely introverted and shy (INTP). It's a combination of my personality, and life experiences that has caused this, but it's really hard for me to change my personality. I'm not a supermodel, but I know I'm a pretty girl. It's happened twice at work that I noticed a very good looking guy checking me out, and seems like they had a crush on me, but never made a move. I don't really know why, perhaps my introversion puts people off? I also thought maybe men don't think it's appropriate to hit on a woman at work (there is a strict anti sexual harassment policy at my job), but I dont know...

I used to never think much about it because I always focused on work or school, but now as I'm getting older I'm starting to get worried that I'll be forever alone... I do not know what to do. I try to stay positive, but sometimes thinking about dating is starting to make me depressed. I try not to let it hold me back, and continue to better myself in other aspects of my life, working on my career, staying fit and healthy, improving my body and appearance etc but I feel like I'm really failing at this one aspect in my life.


0|0
3|8

Most Helpful Guy

  • You are something special right now. The more you date, the less innocent you will probably be. I think it's hot. Of course eventually I hope you marry, if that's what you want. Many people get married later in life these days. It doesn't hurt to know what you want. I must warn you that You will never forget your first boyfriend. I wish I had waited until I was ready to marry before I started dating, but I'm different than most.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Thanks for your kind words. I have been feeling really down about this. Sometimes I think it's my fault for "missed opportunities" and such, but it's also frustrating that my studies/job are full of such introverted guys who don't want to approach girls. It's strange. I just can't bring myself to approach a guy, and I don't think it should be a ladies job to do so either.

      I do hope to marry one day, and am ready to marry. Obviously I don't latch onto any guy I see in hopes of marriage, but if I meet the right person I wouldn't mind being with them for the rest of my life. It's just my fear that I'll never meet anyone, and as I get older it becomes more strange that I never had any dating experience...

    • I don't relate dating experience at all to attractiveness. I think the fewer boyfriends the better. If you'll think about what you just said, I doubt that you have met no one at all. You probably just have some standards that you would like to meet. You do well to know what you want. The guy should approach the girl. At least that is the traditional way of doing things, and I for one still like it. Meeting likely candidates can be hard though if you go to a small church or say you don't like crowds of people to meet. I have been thinking what if I never got married. I would still have plenty to do, and I would have more money. It's all in the way you look at it really. I do want to get married though. I just haven't met her yet. There are lots of options, but only one right one. On the other hand I see those who have waited until they are pretty old. I don't want to do that, and will probably take the best offer as soon as I start building a house.

    • Yes I have met people... but I have standards, and I'm not easily attracted to most. Some people tell me my standards are too high, but I don't think so. I don't expect a guy to be perfect at all. I'm actually very open to a guy being less successful than me, different ethnicity, nationality, etc he just has to be attractive, and have good character. I'm a very intuitive person, so I just know if a relationship could be possible, or no chance in hell. I have come across many good looking intelligent men who are just the stare and do nothing about it type. I refuse to desperately flirt with a guy and look like an idiot. I hope my luck gets better with time, and I hope everything works out for you as well :)

What Guys Said 7

  • it just is, everyone lives life differently

    2|0
    0|0
  • there is a lot of different reasons why someone will not approach you. the first reason i see is guys dont see you as approachable because of how you interact with others. your to guarded not letting people know the real you. deep down i feel your probably a very loving caring person but dont show it. for someone to come to you, you first have to let them in.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Thanks for your advice. I agree with your response. I am trying to be more outgoing and put myself out there more. I know I tend to come off as cold and guarded sometimes. Even if people can see I'm very sweet, I can give off a don't bother me vibe.

  • I think it's not very common to have never dated at your age but it doesn't make you weird or anything. You actually sound like an interesting girl so you can message me anytime if you want to talk

    0|0
    0|0
    • I agree, it's not common at all, and thank for your nice words.

      I feel like most men are too afraid to approach me. I'm an unusual sight, an attractive girl, but not with a crowd of other girls like a sorority or a cheer team. I'm almost always alone wherever I go. I guess I'm not very relatable. I have a hard time meeting people I could be compatible with.

    • Show All
    • Also, you're welcome and I meant it. You seem nice and interesting so I'd like to talk to you sometime especially since I'm still recovering from surgery and I have a ton of free time

    • Yes I agree, I got the vibe from the two guys I mentioned above that they were afraid of rejection or something, but who knows. I'm not sure what I can do about it. And I hope you get better soon ^_^

  • Can we have photos to see what you look like? Clothed or unclothed is good either way.

    Body language can be a huge put off to people as well if you are quiet driven with work then you may be discouragong advances or possibly even missing advances all together.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Silly thing posted before I finished.

      If you are very attractive as you say you may find that puts men off due to the fear of rejection. How often do you go out and socialise with people, that could be something causing a problem if you do not go out anywhere.

      While your situation is weird I do know a few people from uni that haddnt had a relationship till after graduating, a couple were older than you.

      So don't let yourself be discouraged. You will find someone.

    • Show All
    • Super models make twigletts look fat and I would rather eat a twiglett than a supermodel.

      So you work with a bunch of fuglys or you're being narcissistic. You say you work with a bunch of unatractice people while they have no problem with the dating scene.

      Does imply that's the sort of attitude that is getting in your way.

    • You sound upset. Believe what you wish.

  • All I can advise is just go out more with your mates, get drunk have a good time and say what you think even if you think its bad or inappropriate then just Go with the flow:)

    0|0
    0|0
  • i'm 25.

    0|0
    0|0
  • there are probably more guys around your age and older who have never had a relationship than the other way around.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Oh really? I never thought about that. But I'm also a virgin... that would be less common for men I would imagine!

    • Well it seems more common for men next I bear more guys making these types of posts than girls do, and plus girls don't have to be the initiators

What Girls Said 3

  • there's nothing wrong with that ! My cousin didn't have her boyfriend til she was 24 . And I didn't have my first boyfriend til I was 19 . I was a shy girl and til this day im still shy In some things. I knew I wasn't "ugly " . In fact a lot of guys tried talking to me or having something more. But I'm the type of girl who doesn't date the first guy that talks to me. I'm picky in what I want , so maybe that's why it took me some time to find someone who I really liked ! but don't worry , he'll come when it's the right time.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I'm the same way too. I can't even try to be with someone unless I really like them, but then when I really like them I'm such a nervous mess... It's hard to find the right person! Thank you for your positivity :)

  • Try online dating?

    0|0
    0|0
    • Thanks for the suggestion, but online dating gives me anxiety. I don't like having my picture on dating sites, and sometimes I see people I know, it gets quite awkward. I have social anxiety in general, which I know is a serious flaw... I just don't think I'll ever find the type of person I could love online that's why I've given up on it. I've tried it a few times and every time the people I meet on there are not for me.

    • Hmmm, maybe if you join a club of something you're interested in you will have more luck! Sometimes a person comes along when you least expect it, that's how I got my first boyfriend. If you take baby steps to be more social with guys/people in general, I think that could ease your anxiety about dating too!

    • Thank you for your advice <3

  • There's no problem with that ! My cousin had her first boyfriend at 25 and got married at thirty , has been married for twenty years !

    0|0
    0|0
    • Thank you for your kind words :)

Loading...