Is this called cheating?

I currently am in a LDR with my boyfriend in the army. He is very sweet and we text every day and are falling deeply for each other. I swore to him I'd never cheat on him.

Recently, I got in touch with a guy I've met 2 years ago in the Air force. I started talking to him, complimenting him and subtly flirted with him. He then said "Am I ever going to see you?" and things started getting deeper from there.

Is this cheating?

  • Yes.
    89% (33)80% (33)85% (66)Vote
  • No.
    11% (4)20% (8)15% (12)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
Okay, how is it cheating when I'm not sleeping with either of them?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Would you tell your boyfriend about the flirting? Would you openly show him the conversations that has flirting in them? I don't think so.. Thats when you know if its cheating or not.. Cheating doesn't only mean physical contact with someone who isn't your SO.. Its when you hide something from your SO coz u know things won't go well if u tell them...
    I'm in a LDR too, look, even if u don't see you are wrong now.. If things get deep with anyone else, then trust me, you will get yourself a confused heart.. Since you are in a LDR and there's no Physical contact, only conversations, then if those conversations start getting deep with someone else u would slowly start falling for him.. And then BOOM, you put yourself, in a total mess.. If you really love your boyfriend you have 1 option.. Don't continue talking with that guy about deep/personal stuff, the more personal u get the more you will think about that guy instead of your boyfriend, you don't wanna be there trust me!
    I hope I helped 😊

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What Guys Said 17

  • You don't have to sleeping with someone to cheat.

    To me, if you're committed to a relationship with one guy and is flirting with another one, that's cheating.

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    • But is it cheating if I was just saying:
      - How handsome the guy was
      - I wish I was as successful as him to get into the air force.
      - Said he is so talented.
      - Sweet Dreams,

      Then he said out of the blue, "am I ever going to see you" to which I said "I really want to see you too, but I will let fate decide that". He said he may be stationed in where I live one day. I said I will show him around like it was the last day on Earth and cherish the time we had together. He said it is beautiful and he would like that.

    • @Asker by that conversation you just said... You are DEFINITELY threatening your relationship.. Don't do that to a man that really loves you :/

  • Ahhh Military women, making prostitutes seem loyal.

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    • I'm actually a student airline pilot and I haven't slept with either of them so it doesn't make me a prostitute.

    • Pleaseeee don't assume all us military gf's are like this. :(
      Yes, a good percentage give us a bad name, but we're not all disloyal.

    • @rgb008 To be honest, I'm glad to see military GFs like you. I know some that flaunt their spouse's status: my boyfriend is a gunnery sergeant, you shouldn't speak to me like that! Or they post all memes, photos, everything everywhere and wedding photos. Some can be bitchy and think they're superior to other women who are not military spouses. And I don't flaunt our status. I won't even put the status on FB, put memes, photos or anything.

  • Are you hiding Air Force from Army? Are you doing anything with one that you don't want the other to know?

    That's how you know it's cheating.

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    • They don't even know each other. One is Australian and one is American. There is no way they can find each other out because my friend list is blocked on FB. Well, I was just saying how handsome the guy was, and I wish I was as successful as him to get into the air force. I also said he is so talented. I also said sweet Dreams, etc, then he said out of the blue, "am I ever going to see you" to which I said "I really want to see you too, but I will let fate decide that" to which he said he may be stationed in where I live one day. I said I will show him around like it was the last day on Earth and cherish the time we had together. He said it is beautiful and he would like that.

    • That they don't know each other and can never meet is irrelevant. Have you told one about the other? How do you think they'd feel if they found out?

    • I would never tell my boyfriend. He would most likely NOT take it well. He is super jealous and possessive. When I talk about other guys, he feels hurt, worthless and insecure. He even said he'd take out guys on the ground to feel secure. He said once he would kill my stalker to protect me.

  • Currently this is cheating because most of the girls are thinking, oh low how amazing girl I am I could be with anyone, why I shoudn't try this boy, it's really attractive and things like that.
    If you ever love a person, you won't cheat him in any condition.

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    • How is it cheating when I haven't slept with any of them and are not planning to?

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    • @Jessicarandall Then it won't be cheating. I am not committing adultery if I am not sleeping with either of them. I told him I swore to God I won't cheat on him, and now I fear I have huge consequences and I feel guilty. I don't know who to pick because air force guys is constantly moving bases and the chances of us being together are slim.

    • So choose a guy who is not connected with air force, or your expectations is the person to be only from air force?

  • Tell your LDR boyfriend about this and see how he reacts... i bet he won't take it lightly and with good reason.

    Just think if this were you, what if he got in touch with some girl and started flirting and seeing her more without telling you?

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    • I don't think he would. He gets really upset and hurt when I speak to him about other hot guys, but he never speaks about hot girls to me. He said I am the most beautiful, smartest and kindest woman he has ever met and I feel guilty about that. He is also really protective as well, and a guy who stalked me he said he wanted to kill. Plus he said he would shoot all the guys on the ground to make him feel secure with me.

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    • I can't tell him what has happened now. The guy didn't even to touch me or anything. I will just dismiss it this time around, but I threatened the relationship. If I tell him the guy is also a pilot, he will feel devastated and heartbroken that he can't live up to my expectations. All girls before me has left him and he has been betrayed. I don't want to do that to him. But that fighter pilot is so attractive. We are in sync and we know what to do without explaining. My boyfriend just nods, smiles, agrees and compliments whatever I say

    • Since my exes were pilots, he already feels insecure with me being around them. He wants to be better than them to me.

  • Sure you have double emotions

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    • But I'm not planning to sleep with any of them, how is it cheating on them both?

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    • Is it okay if I go with both and see who I like best before making a decision? Or do you think that it is unethical for my boyfriend and I should cut contact with the new guy?

    • Well the choice is yours, if you love someone then why go looking for another. CONTENTMENT

  • Cheating isn't just physical. What you are doing is emotionally cheating. You betrayed your boyfriends feelings. Why do you want to flirt with another guy?

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    • The other guy is an air force pilot and I am a student airline pilot. We have a lot in common, we talk about meteorology, air law, crosswind landings and engines. We understand each other and I am attracted to how intelligent he is. He is more serious, but colder than my boyfriend. my boyfriend just nods and smiles at what I say, complimenting me but we can never elaborate on aviation topics. My boyfriend is more passionate and affectionate. I feel guilty because I proposed this commitment thing in the first place and he was really happy. He said he thinks about me 24/7 and texts me all the time.

  • You are heading that way.

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    • How is it cheating when I am sleeping with neither of them? So now I'm cheating on both if them?

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    • Cheating can be done physically and emotionally. And it depends on what those "harmless flirts" are.

      Ethical to continue? Well it doesn't really matter anyway, because they are long distance contacts. I mean there's nothing they could do if one guy finds you've been talking to the other.

    • They don't even know each other. One is Australian and one is American. There is no way they can find each other out because my friend list is blocked on FB. Well, I was just saying how handsome the guy was, and I wish I was as successful as him to get into the air force. I also said he is so talented. I also said sweet Dreams, etc, then he said out of the blue, "am I ever going to see you" to which I said "I really want to see you too, but I will let fate decide that" to which he said he may be stationed in where I live one day. I said I will show him around like it was the last day on Earth and cherish the time we had together. He said it is beautiful and he would like that.

  • No but what do you mean getting deeper... like you guys talked about past feelings for each other before? or like you talked about your fav sitcom. If I was your boyfriend I'd feel betrayed if you willingly kept going deeper while talking to him.

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    • That guy was an old flame, actually. We've talked about how we want to be with each other and can't. He said if he gets stationed for a few nights, he'd come over. And I said I'd show him around like it was the last night on Earth and cherish the time we had. He said it sounded beautiful and we started talking about life.

  • It's the beginning phases of cheating, it isn't until it does get deep.

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    • What do you mean by deep? If I Skype the fighter pilot, is that counted as cheating? I mean, it's not adultery until you start sleeping with them, right? In this case I am sleeping with neither of them.

    • I mean like, if the relationship starts to get touchy. The "he doesn't have to know" moment is cheating itself.

    • Cheating cannot always simply be defined as having sex with someone outside of your relationship. Cheating comes in a variety of shapes and forms, but they are all equally devastating.

  • obviously it is

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  • If you are faithful, why are you flirting with another guy, and you're asking a question you know the answer to. Yes, it's cheating

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    • But is it cheating if I was just saying how handsome the guy was, and I wish I was as successful as him to get into the air force. I also said he is so talented. I also said sweet Dreams, etc, then he said out of the blue, "am I ever going to see you" to which I said "I really want to see you too, but I will let fate decide that" to which he said he may be stationed in where I live one day. I said I will show him around like it was the last day on Earth and cherish the time we had together. He said it is beautiful and he would like that.

    • Ya! That's cheating alright! If your soon to be ex boyfriend started flirting with a gal at the bar, while you waited in the car. He never sleeps with her. Is he disloyal (a cheater)?

    • Well I won't be too pissed until he's slept with her and touched her. Flirting is harmless. But how do you know? Since this is a LDR he might be doing the same thing to me?

  • It's not but you are walking a line

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    • I don't know what to do now and who to choose. Is it okay if I continue and see who I like more? Or is it unethical to my current BF?

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    • I'm just planning to stop talking to the second guy and continue my relationship with the first. I hope I won't be tempted to cheat again. If the second guy speaks up first and continues to speak to me...

    • Just tell him you're in a relationship and not interested

  • it's not cheating but it's a start so watch out

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  • definitely it is LOL...

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    • I haven't slept with any of them?

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    • Well I thought he would do the same to me?

    • you didn't mentioned that ok

  • If your committed to the LDR it's cheat, other wise drop the LDR. Stop playing games. Woman! Just disgusting.

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  • I'm married with kids. We had sexy time last night and here I am on here

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What Girls Said 15

  • The thing is, you can flirt with this guy all you want and say it means nothing, but it sounds like he thinks you are interested in him.

    Where do you draw the line between cheating and not cheating? It's not a clearly defined line. You may not have sex with him, but the thing is, it's a foot out of the relationship. What is the goal while flirting with this guy? He's already asking to meet up with you. What is that going to accomplish?

    If you really love your boyfriend you would stop talking to the other guy and focus on your boyfriend. But if you don't want to be with your boyfriend anymore, then you need to let him know.

    I truly believe that one thing that seems innocent can lead to other things and then not so innocent things are happening. You really should analyze what you are doing and figure out what you want.

    There's nothing wrong with flirting, it can be innocent. But this other guy clearly thinks you are wanting to be with him. He's asking to see you, and probably wants more. How are you going to handle this?

    A one off flirt with someone cute in a grocery store, or something like that is innocent. But persistently flirting with the same person is kind of leading them on.

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    • I'm a virgin, and I haven't had sex with either of them and not planning to. I think it is pretty harmless, but that guy is so impressive. I've always wanted to date a fighter pilot and there he was. We have a lot in common because I'm a civil student pilot while he is in the Air Force and has gone through civilian training. We love talking about flying and he understands me. Thing is, air force moves from place to place while an army base is more fixed. My boyfriend is very sweet, kind, caring, passionate, loving and faithful. I feel guilty for doing this. He doesn't understand most of the stuff I am doing at times, but he always listens and supports me. I don't know what to do with either of them.

  • If you're flirting with someone else other than your boyfriend, its cheating.
    As someone else who in in a relationship with someone in the Army, shame on you. Your boyfriend is serving our country, getting smoked in workouts, being shouted at and probably wishing he was with you and here you are flirting with someone else. I can't believe that.
    That is disgusting.

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    • is in**

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    • You're a proud military girlfriend, I can see that.

    • He is so sweet, he is so loving and caring. He said he would protect me with all his life, and said if I left him, a part of him will die because no one has ever made him feel this way. He has been betrayed and lied to before, he will wonder what is wrong with him. He is insecure about other pilots being around me and if he finds out I am cheating on him with another pilot, he will be devastated and heartbroken because he thinks he will never live up to my standards or has a chance to compete with the guy.

  • the fact that you're asking means that you already know the answer and you're looking for someone to justify your actions.

    cheating is physical and emotional; you made a promise to your boyfriend that you obviously can't keep, so i'd cut the ties before you venture into that territory.

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    • But the guy and I have so much in common, I really enjoy talking to him. I really admire and I really like him. He understands me. He is more mature than my boyfriend, but my boyfriend is more affectionate and passionate. I can't cut ties with the guy because I've liked him for a long time and I can't cut ties with my boyfriend because there are no guarantees the guy would want a relationship because he is always moving bases. Can I continue to speak with both until I made a decision who I like better or is it unethical to my BF? I feel so bad. My boyfriend isn't cheating on me (we met on a dating site) and his profile was inactive ever since I have proposed to him and want commitment. He says he would never cheat on me and says I'm the most beautiful and perfect woman he has ever met and seen. He also texts me 24/7 Ans we are meant to trust each other. I told him I swore to God If never cheat on him.

  • have you actually ever seen each other? how did he become your boyfriend? reading the comments, he kind of sounds like a psychopath... he'd kill guys who talk to you? yeah, don't tell him. I don't know though, if you want to be with him and you know he's so possessive maybe you shouldn't be talking to other guys...

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    • We met online and planning to see each other soon. I'm a civil student pilot, so I'm thinking of taking him all around my country for cross country flights. We Skype a lot, text and call as well. Unfortunately, I have also met the fighter pilot in FB so it is strange. Really, it's not cheating at all. I think if I continue, I might end up Skyping the fighter pilot as well.

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    • yeah I guess the killing part was a joke then. I don't know, I don't know how serious you are with your boyfriend, how serious you want to be or what you want with the pilot... but honestly seeing that you're 18-24 and that you haven't even kissed your boyfriend, I just don't see it as something too serious. Maybe I'm mistaken and your emotional bond is actually really serious or you have talked about marriage or something, in that case I don't think it's ok to be flirting with the pilot. But I don't know, just try to put yourself in his position: what would you think if he was flirting with another soldier online? Would you be ok with it? Maybe you should just ask how serious he is about wanting you and only you and if you really only want him, stop talking to the other guy

    • I mean, so far you haven't done anything but you're on your way to crossing the line I'd say

  • You're emotionally cheating, yes.

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    • I don't know what to do now. I feel really horrible about cheating on him or them both. I don't think telling my boyfriend is the best thing to do, and I didn't cheat on him until today.

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    • Well you have to decide. But do you really want to risk what you have now?

    • No. I will try not to do this again. I just want to say that I can't tell him all of this. Aside from a strong jealousy and possessive streak, he will demand to know who it is I am cheating with. When he finds out the guy is a pilot, he'll be devastated. He thinks that he can't live up to the competitor's standards and that he'll never compete with someone who shares so much in common with me. He will be heartbroken. He has been betrayed before and all girls before me has left him. I feel sorry for him and I will never leave him, but fighter pilot and me understand each other. My boyfriend needs explanation when we talk about aviation or he'll smile, nod or compliment.

  • Cheating doesn't necessarily have to be kissing , cuddling, sex and sexually contact. If you have to hide anything from your SO... then you are already there. If you are hiding anything from your boyfriend then it shows you have ulterior motives

    If i had a boyfriend and he lived on the moon i still wouldn't have contact or meet up with another guy. I wouldn't disrespect my boyfriend that way. Plus, i wouldn't want to spend time with any other guy but my boyfriend

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    • But is it cheating if I was just saying:
      - How handsome the guy was
      - I wish I was as successful as him to get into the air force.
      - Said he is so talented.
      - Sweet Dreams,

      Then he said out of the blue, "am I ever going to see you" to which I said "I really want to see you too, but I will let fate decide that". He said he may be stationed in where I live one day. I said I will show him around like it was the last day on Earth and cherish the time we had together. He said it is beautiful and he would like that.

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    • potentially**

    • But I don't want to hurt him. He is so sweet, he is so loving and caring. He said he would protect me with all his life, and said if I left him, a part of him will die because no one has ever made him feel this way. He has been betrayed and lied to before, he will wonder what is wrong with him. He is insecure about other pilots being around me and if he finds out I am cheating on him with another pilot, he will be devastated and heartbroken because he thinks he will never live up to my standards or has a chance to compete with the guy.

  • You seem to have this misconception that cheating can only be physical. You don't have to have sex with someone to cheat on your partner. You're not only leading this other man on, you're betraying your boyfriend's trust in you. That's pretty shitty, right?
    Make a decision. Do you want to throw away a relationship to pursue something that may never happen? Or do you want to stay with your boyfriend and actually be loyal this time?

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    • He is so sweet, he is so loving and caring. He said he would protect me with all his life, and said if I left him, a part of him will die because no one has ever made him feel this way. He has been betrayed and lied to before, he will wonder what is wrong with him. He is insecure about other pilots being around me and if he finds out I am cheating on him with another pilot, he will be devastated and heartbroken because he thinks he will never live up to my standards or has a chance to compete with the guy. I really don't want to hurt him the more that I think about it.

      If I mention other guys and he gets hurt and insecure, I shouldn't be doing this to him.

    • Then leave him, or stop this flirty chatting with other men. It's on the verge of cheating, in that grey zone where it could be cheating but it might not be. So stop now, before it goes further, or break things off with your boyfriend and pursue this other man. I can guarantee that your boyfriend is going to be more hurt if you cheat than if you break up with him now.

  • Your emotional cheat on him.

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    • Can I continue speaking to both Until I find out who I like more or is it unethical to my BF? I have his trust and swore that I'd never cheat on him to God. I am so guilty but I don't want to cut ties with both when nothing but harmless flirting happened.

    • if its harmless it would not jeporay your relationship!

  • Of course it's cheating.. WHY did you find it so necessary to get in contact with an old flame.. Sleeping with someone isn't the only form of cheating.. Period.

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  • You aren't quite yet but you are literally standing in the door frame of starting to emotionally cheat, which is a short hop to physically and in all manners of the word, cheating.

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    • I can't tell him that. I mean, he already says he cares so much about me and a part of him will die if I leave him. We are obsessed with each other and he texts me nearly 24/7. He wants to call, Skype, texts, and he said he would text me every time he wakes up. He texts me good morning and good night but I never seem to reciprocate. I take a lot of time to get back to him, try to be unpredictable so he wouldn't think I am crazy clingy.

  • It kind of sounds like cheating since they don't know about each other. In one of the responses you described your current boyfriend as "super jealous and possessive." Those don't sound like good things so I'm not sure this is a healthy relationship.

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  • Yes. You don't deserve either of them.

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    • But I didn't sleep with either of them. I am so guilty because when I proposed commitment to my boyfriend, he was very happy and he wanted it. He gets me 24/7 and I can see he is committed to me. I have broken his trust but if I tell him, he will break up with me. What is the point of telling somebody when you could just hide it and never cheat again?

    • Honestly, can live with yourself like that? Is that really what you want? I personally feel that relationships should be built on trust. The "harmless" lies pile on quickly.

      You feel guilty because you know it's not right. You say it's not cheating. Ok, let's entertain this, why do you feel so guilty then? Because you know it's wrong. Because you know that it'll hurt him. It doesn't have to be physical for it to be cheating.

      Maybe he won't break up with you. All you can do is apologize and hope he forgives you. I don't think hiding it is a good idea. But it's up to you, so good luck.

  • Yes it is

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    • But if I'm not sleeping with either of them, why would it count as cheating?

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    • But is it cheating if I was just saying:
      - How handsome the guy was
      - I wish I was as successful as him to get into the air force.
      - Said he is so talented.
      - Sweet Dreams,

      Then he said out of the blue, "am I ever going to see you" to which I said "I really want to see you too, but I will let fate decide that". He said he may be stationed in where I live one day. I said I will show him around like it was the last day on Earth and cherish the time we had together. He said it is beautiful and he would like that.

  • It's cheating because you are already losing interest in your LDR boyfriend

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    • I don't want to hurt him. He is very sweet and he said if I leave him, a part of him will die because he cares so much about me. He said I made him felt things he has never felt before. Once, I told him I nearly got hit by a car and he was super worried. He is very jealous and possessive. He has been betrayed and lied to before, and he often wonders why it happens to him. I want to make him feel better and lift him up. He is so loving and stuff, but the fighter pilot appeals to me. We have a similar career and we have so much in common without explaining. My boyfriend knows nothing about aviation and I have to explain, and he nods, compliments and smiles.

    • Oh sweetheart. If someone ever says something like don't leave me a part of me will die or for a more serious example, if you leave I will kill myself. They are manipulating you emotionally and that is not a healthy relationship. It is better to be in a relationship that you are truly happy in over a relationship you have to fake your happiness.

  • Yes it is...

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    • But is it cheating if I was just saying:
      - How handsome the guy was
      - I wish I was as successful as him to get into the air force.
      - Said he is so talented.
      - Sweet Dreams,

      Then he said out of the blue, "am I ever going to see you" to which I said "I really want to see you too, but I will let fate decide that". He said he may be stationed in where I live one day. I said I will show him around like it was the last day on Earth and cherish the time we had together. He said it is beautiful and he would like that.

    • Yes it is

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