Is it racist or just a preference? Or both?

I am a 22 or old black woman,

I get cussed out a lot and called a "coon", "house nigg* "& etc ;whenever I do have a young black man contact me and I politely say I'm sorry but I'm not interested.. I do not give my reason, just a simple "im not interested, have a good day". That still does not stop them from calling me every name in the book though.. They automatically assume that I hate black people just because I prefer to date interracially. I honestly have always preferred to do that. My very first "boyfriend" was white, at the time I really did not see colour. as I grew up I just hung around people that I could actually connect with, and accepted me for my "not black enough vibes"/ways.

So the thing is I prefer to date interracial only when it concerns men, but when it concerns women I don't care.. And I honestly love black women a lot. Does this make me racist or is it just a personal preference?

Has anyone experienced this?


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Most Helpful Guy

What Guys Said 15

  • Just to make a point...

    You described your preferences in a paragraph, I'd guess about a hundred words or so. You want to know if it's racist. So you want to take a hundred words and narrow it down to one word. Why?

    If it doesn't fit that one word, then it's OK? If it does fit that one word, then it's not OK?

    So many people want to justify if something is OK or not OK, by putting it in some category. If it's in the "right" category, then it has society's stamp of approval. If it's in a different category, then it has society's stamp of disapproval.

    But what about you? What does your conscience tell you? Is your conscience clear? Or if it's not clear, does that come from yourself, or from society?

    Do you feel guilt? Do you feel like you are doing something wrong?

    I think you need to look inside yourself, instead of trying to assign a word to it.

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    • I don't, I just wanted a discussion.

      I know that I am not doing anything wrong, I do not hate black men, I don't really hate anybody because the color of their skin. I just like getting other people's viewpoints on certain situations

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    • "I'm kind of rambling and I'm also half awake"

      Lol, it's way past my bedtime also and I'm not very coherent. :)

      Just to throw it out there before I go to bed. Do you think the people who make fun of you for hanging out with people who aren't back are really the ones who are racist?

      OK, off to bed.

    • Meh, I've been up for hours 6am here..

      I feel they are Prejudiced and a bit ignorant. But I cannot expect people to understand certain things that they have not experienced. So I don't take it to heart anymore.

  • This is just a preference! Everyone has different likes and dislikes, and things they are attracted to and not attracted to... It's normal! This is just one of your preferences and don't let anyone tell you any different. You have a right to be happy and to date the people you want to date. Do not change this to satisfy someone else's jealousy and ignorance... Good luck! :)

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  • "That still does not stop them from calling me every name in the book though"

    And this is one of the key reason why so many people have negative opinions about blacks. Many are vile and hateful themselves.

    No, girl. You aren't racist. You have a preference. And just like any other ethnicity has to accept being turned down for a preference, so do have blacks. If these childish and immature guys can't do that - then they already prove themselves being unworthy for any serious kind of relationship to begin with.

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    • Thank you for the positive feedback. 😌

      Each and every single time someone blows up at me, I always tell them "you just gave me more of a reason not to be interested, by you blowing up you are showing me how fragile & angry you really are. I do not need or want that in my life".

      Which leads to "fk you Bi" and all that noise.

    • Not everyone is into everyone - and thats for the better. Things would get boring that way anyway. And if they actually showed themselves being decent folks ironically you would probably give them a chance despite being black. The behaviour that makes you turn them down in the first place is the kind of behaviour they show once you turn them down.

  • I do not know what to call your preference, although I am forced to wonder why you do not want to be with those of your own race.
    That does not make sense to me.

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    • I have absolutely no clue, I just rarely seem to have an appeal. I've dated black men before, I just never felt that comfort/connesction. At times I think maybe it's the way that the black men in my area behave , that turns me off completely. But if I get a quirky black guy that isn't afraid to be himself, I will be all over it. But I still prefer to date interracially if that makes sense

    • I suspect that you might be correct when you say that what repels you is the way that the men in your area behave.
      A smart girl will not be interested in the 'thug' types, who do not have a future past prison or the cemetery.
      A smart girl will look for a decent man. Even though I am an old white man on the other side of the planet, I know that there are decent young black men in the USA. I have even met a few, mainly in the US Army and Marines.

    • There are a lot of good black men out here, unfortunately it is overshadowed by the negative. The black guys that I usually go for, are not interested in black women, and that's okay. I don't blow up and call people names. I just grow tired of the few men that feel I owe them something or I belong to them just because I happen to be black as well. I cannot count how many times I get "you belong to blackmen," " you should be with the African king, not a European slave master."( They all assumed I only date white guys which is not true either.) I just go with whomever I can connect with, and it happens to not be a lot of the black guys around here. thank you for your feedback though

  • Racism is the hatred of another race or feeling superiority over another race like you think your above them and they're below you because of your skin color.

    That's racism, what you have is just a preference.

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  • That's just how they pathetically deal with rejection.

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  • Who the fuck decides the norm? I just don't get it. Do what you PREFER to do and don't let these racist idiots influence your decisions. They're putting a barrier between colors, not you.

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    • She just wants to want to figure out WHY she ticks the way she does... nothing wrong with that. Going through life without trying to understand why you do what you do, is childish and ignorant. Congrats to the OP for trying to understand herself.

    • @Prof_Don I must be blind or can't read because I don't see her asking why. She wants to know if she's racist abd she isn't. She doesn't beloeve white men are superior to black men. She simply doesn't find them attractive for whatever reason. Nor does she mistreat black men in any way (at least I hope so) so I'm not sure you're on about.
      http://bfy.tw/3I5r

  • No you can date who you want and as you didn't really seem to say anything negative about Black guys (in fact they were the ones calling you names) they are playing the classic game of being mad and trying to guilt trip you because you rejected them.

    Don't worry about it at all, I bet half them dont even date Black girls themselves. Find a White guy or whoever you want and be happy, the end. Don't care what they think why should their opinions effect your happiness anyways?

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    • I could never say anything rude or racist towards anybody I don't see how some people can just say it so easily as if it's okay to do something like that. It's unnecessary. It's sad that I am not accustomed to getting called these racial slurs even a "nigglet" I was called not too long ago. By the end of their rant they go on another one saying this is why I don't talk to black "B's", that's why noboday wants y'all, so on and so forth.

      It's whatever though, man. I have plenty of time, but I don't want to make time for negative vibes. I let people think what they want to think, it's not going to change how I feel or what I'm going to do/how I will lively life.

    • All because you won't date them its almost comical! Well they are very immature you probably wouldn't want to date a guy like that anways lol

  • It's just a preference
    You shouldn't care much
    Just do what you like
    People nowadays are immature :P

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  • Nah u not only one. In real life black women bash me for liking another races. I look at black females as friends. I don't have problem with black girls prefer another races. My aunt married white man. I like foreign women more cuz they look at me as human being not as black man.

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  • As a black dude. I always wonder what a girl means when she says that she's not attracted to black guys.

    I get if someone is not into me.

    But how do you find an entire race unattractive? I mean black folk come in all sorts of shapes, size, and shades. We all have different personalities and come from a myriad of backgrounds. But somehow all of us have been deemed unattractive.

    Does she think my dark skin is ugly? Does she find my hair repulsive? Is it something deeper? Does she have low opinion of black men?

    And it's not always "I don't date black guys" Sonetimes it's "I don't really hang with black dudes" or "I feel uncomfortable at black get togethers" or "I don't that club/bar. It's too black"

    What was it about all of that made us unacceptable from the get-go?

    It makes feel paranoid around people. Like they're looking down at me before they hit a chance to know me.

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    • Nooooo don't feel like that. If you got that vibe from my question, I am so sorry. Like I've stated under a couple of other comments.. I simply go for men that go for me. They always happen to be everything but black.

      The ones that were interested in me were never my cup of tea. As in the ones that thrive in the negative stereotype for black people.. I don't like that style for black people white people Asian Hispanic excetera excetera it's a huge turn-off.

      Also considering my current location, that is all that I am surrounded by, so I'm not going to entertain it at all. Once again I am sorry if you feel that way, it was not my intentions to make you feel bad. I send you positive vibes though😌

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    • 26d

      @EvilPimp When did I say that?

    • 25d

      Wasn't talking to you I was talking to the QA

  • in my opinion you have a vendetta against black men for some reason. Probably some event or events in your life that were extremely negative, directly involved a black guy or black men.

    I feel that black dude can fit all your personal specs you like in a guy and you would STILL reject him just because he's black (which is funny because you're black yourself yet reject your male counterpart)!

    So I say yes, you are racially discriminating against black men. Sad to see you dismiss all of us bruthas like that, though. Why the hate for us as potential lovers? :'(

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    • Who knows.. Who knooowwss

      Side note: I don't feel like people should be obligated to date someone just because they happen to be the same colour. That's like saying you have to date a specific person because similar culture's.

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    • If she's being polite about it you need to get over her personal preferences. Now if she was being rude/mean about it id agree since I've seen a few White girls online act the same, but thats not what she said.

    • @HonestWhiteGuy I now know that she simply isn't drawn culturally to the black men in her area, that's fully understandable. Nobody should be frced to pick from the bottom of the barrel just to get a partner of a similar race. 👍

  • Just a preference

    I wouldn't worry about what salty people say.

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    • it gets old, having people throw racial slurs at you for not following the "norm".. blah Thank you for the feedback though

    • I think any time you completely rule out a race from your dating pool, you'll get some negative reactions. I'm not into Asians, and have got criticism a couple times.

      It is what it is

  • I'm white and I am not really interested in white women, is it racist? I don't know. Do I care not really? Perhaps you have had numerous bad experiences with black men?

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    • The black men that I like, usually do not go for black women. So I go for men that like black women like myself, and they happen to be everything but black. That's all.. As long as you are not putting One race on a pedestal, I do not see it as racist.

    • Your preferences are your own and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

  • As a black male id have to say
    That preference is far from racism

    Racism isn't not liking someone because of skin color
    You just simply prefer one skin color over the other

    I am bummed out though because it seems every black woman that only will only date black men turn out to be really cute

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    • There are so many young attractive black girls that love black guy. They're everywhere, I'm sure you'll come across one.

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    • Nothing wrong with that at all, should peruse her.

    • Maybe some day
      Thank you

What Girls Said 16

  • i think subconsciously maybe you do have an aversion to black men. because if race were not an issue you would date all races, but you wouldn't exclude them. not attacking you but this is my theory. because you date black women but not black men, have u had bad experiences with black males? but regardless do you and make yourself happy. maybe the man you are meant to be with comes in vanilla flavor lol. i am one of those pro-black love types, but if you truly aren't hurting anyone do you and love who you love. life is too short to make other people happy

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    • True. No worries, I do not feel attacked ahaha.
      I just do what makes me comfortable. 😌

  • Your sexual preference is your preference and it is technically racism, but it's not considered the 'bad' type of racism. You don't think less of a race, you're just not attracted to them. It's like saying you prefer blonds over red heads. It's okay.

    Now the racial slurs people are calling you are veryveryvery racist and veryveryvery not okay.

    I've declined someone and they immediately pulled the race card. It's happened to me and it's like... maybe I don't want to give you my number because you even said you just want sex.

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    • Thank you for your polite feedback. I also don't see why guys don't understand if you are disrespectful in some type of way, you are not going to be interested whatsoever. they usually give their self Away by cussing you out after they call you beautiful or something.. That's a whole different topic though

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    • by the way, it's scientifically proven to be advantageous to our race to date interracialy. It doesn't make guys feel any better but you know... #Science

    • Its not racism though

  • I always find it strange when someone is totally unattracted to people of their own race. Human nature dictates that we tend to be attracted to those who look similar to us. There's nothing wrong with having a preference and leaving doors open to races that don't fit that preference, however, to completely bar a race from your dating pool points to some kind of deeper issue. Especially if that race is your own.

    But alas, if dating men of other races is what makes YOU feel happy, then so be it. You're not really harming anyone, unless your reasons for not wanting black men are grounded in racial prejudice.

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    • The reason why a lot of white men are ignoring white women is the disgusting and repugnant attitudes that a lot of white women exhibit and not to mention their total disdain a lot of white women have for white men. Why would any white man want to tolerate that kind of bullshit when he can go and get a non-white girlfriend who will treat him with respect and affection?

    • Thank you for the feedback. I don't find it weird to date outside of your own very honestly to me I see it as normal, but I guess that's because how I was raised. But we all have different opinions on certain situations and that's okay.

    • I don't find it weird either, it's completely normal and I've done it myself. I just find it weird when someone is completely unattracted to their own race.

  • I think it is a personal preference, just like it would for anyone who wanted to date within their race. It's all preference to who you are attracted to. Now on the other hand, nit is very racist for those calling you those names to be doing so. Likely too jelous of a good thing and can't deal with it!

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  • Who you prefer to date does not make you a racist. It's a matter of personal choice and you have a right to date whom you want to date not whom society deems you should date. I personally will not date black men, I will be friends with them but won't date them. They just don't interest me in that manner. When it comes to dating women I actually prefer to date black women although I will date any race woman.

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  • I think it's just a personal preference. I experience the same: the average facial features of some races just look more appealing to me than those of other races, and my preferences for men are different than for women. I still often go for people who wouldn't fit in my type category though.

    I found that giving a reason (even if it's a bullshit reason) makes it easier for them to accept. However, I haven't ever really gotten sweared at yet.

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  • it's 'racist; because of your approach. There's no such thing as a preference to "date interracially". That's just a nicer way to word being a complete racist.

    From a non-racist person, you shouldn't even be able to piece that sentence together. There's no way* in hell is it possible to distinguish between a person if you take their race aside. There's different types of personalities and similar personality types all across nationalities.

    If that doesn't make sense just image you put 3 people (with different races) in separate rooms. If you were to talk to them each in a black room would you be able to distinguish the different races (voice filter applied)?

    However, no one is perfect and completely unprejudice. And nothing about the way you decide to date is "bad", so don't let anyone tell you that. It's understandable a persons race/ethnicity has a huge factor in shaping their personality and 'who they are' which is why you're attracted to them. All in all, i think you just have a problem being unconsciously predjudice around black (or whatever race) men. Are you dismissing them because they're black? Or did you dismiss them because of how they approached you? If you would've do the same thing if a white guy approached you... then yes, you're a bit predjudice

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    • First, I would like to say I've noticed almost everyone that has commented & assumed that I only go for white guyI. (mainly because I mentioned my very first boyfriend was white) But just because someone happens to be white does not mean they get to go. If I don't like how they are, I will shut them down. I just gravitate towards those who accept me for who I am. Not saying that I can only get that with those who are not black, but that's usually how it goes.

      BUT with the help of Afropunk I have been able to connect with people of my own color that are just like me. (Not exactly like me) , but you know they are the "awkward black girls", "weird black boys" & etc.

      Just when I was growing up, you did not get accepted if you were not like the rest. And I refuse to stop being myself to get accepted by people who couldn't accept me for who I really was

    • Get the go*

      Guy*

    • I like this wording:

      I prefer guys who accept me for who i am.

      done deal. race had nothing to do with your feelings.

      although, sweetheart. don't ever feel the need to explain yourself to others. I've been there and done that. You don't have to justify your actions because someone thinks your doing something wrong. Forget them and move on.

  • I'm the same, but I don't date black African men, even if he was the best man in the world. It's due to me being African myself and not liking how daughters in laws are treated. But I really wonder why you won't date black men, because men are men and there's such a wide difference between them. Do you find yourself physically attracted to black men?

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  • It's racist to think one race is better than the other, or to treat people differently because of their colour, generalizating or stereotyping people becase of race. But attraction is just a preference if it's not based on that. It's no problem being attracted to other races as long as you have respect for the others as well. People trying to shame you because of it is just pathetic and they do it because of their own insecurities and because they can't have you so their ego is hurt

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  • To reject someone simply because their black. Considering you're black. Is mind blowing, and it does seem like your self hating. And really? " Not black enough ways / vibes " just added more to the self hating thing, it appears you feel as you dating white people somehow makes you less black, and better than other blacks. Shrug Not racist, just stupid.

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    • How is a self hating? What I meant by my not black enough ways is, the fact that I wasn't into the same type of music, I like anime as in Sailor Moon when I was little Dragon Ball Z, Pokemon , I dressed differently.. I was considered the Oreo because apparently black people cannot be their own person. So what you are telling me is black people are supposed to act a certain way, am I right?

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    • Whats mind blowing about it? She can date who she wants, could be more than their skin color could be how most of them act in the area she's at, could be that they in fact are dating White women themselves and she notices that.

      Its funny because if the same post is made you girls are high fiving each other and encouraging a White girl to date a Black guy yet when its the reverse its "mind blowing and "just stupid".

    • 26d

      Silly Milly I like your comment, just when I thought there was no hope for the younger generation of blacks.

  • That's just your preference. Nothing wrong with that as long you don't completely block out black men.

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    • I usually do, I just tend to go for guys that find me appealing in numerous ways. They happen to be Asian Hispanic white men. Apparently I am not black enough for a lot of the black men in my area

  • date whoever you want and send them my way

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    • Will do ahaha

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    • They really are, I've seen older interracial couples and younger ones a lot more than usual. I'm glad that the negative stigma is slowly fading away.. (Not completely , but its getting there)

    • 26d

      But racism will never be over, but I guess African Americans will no longer exist in America since now more and more black people hate each other romantically. Every other race in America will live on, the only black people in America will be immigrants in a 100 years

  • No it doesn't make you racist, its just your taste in men. Thats how most Asian guys are to girls too. Just because she never dated a Asian man, they think she hates Asian people.

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  • Lol what did I just read? Is this real life.

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  • You can choose who you want to date. It's not racist having a preference.

    It's mean to be disrespectful by calling anyone names... even if it's not to their face. Name calling is used in a derogatory way to insult someone. It's immature too.

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  • Preference... i preferred black guys for a while until I went to college and i now I prefer white men but that doesn't mean if i black or another race ask me out I'm going to say no it's more about the person

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