Should I be okay with my guy having a side chick?

After only 7 months of a relationship, my boyfriend askes me if I ll be okay with him having side chicks, hypothetically. Not sure what to think about it. Last month I screwed up when I got high with a friend and things escalated fast and we slept together but I told my boyfriend about it immediately and apologized and even asked to break up cause of guilt but he said no, and forgave me. And now this, not sure what to think.
Need an extra brain on this situation, preferably a guy. Thanks


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yeah, this is about what happened.

    Either he's leveraging it because he always wanted a side chick.

    OR

    he's hurt you cheated and wants to do this to feel like he has his self esteem back.

    I can't see him having one long term only working for you, based on what you've said.

    You could consider an open relationship if you both want one.

    If it's about his self esteem he needs to break up or get over it... most likely.

    I think a FMF threesome would be a safer one off to maybe make him feel like things are more even without it impacting the relationship as much. Not that they appeal much to me.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • No, tell him to fuck off.

    I mean unless you want him to sleep with other women, which I'm assuming you don't. You cheated and that was bad but he has made the decision to continue the relationship and now he has to live up to that.
    It seems to me he is hurt about what you did and wants you to feel his pain. Or maybe he just saw an opportunity for a free pass when you cheated.
    Either way, it's not work out. You can't change how he feels about this and this IS how he feels, he wants to sleep with someone else. I see no future there

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What Guys Said 32

  • you should only be ok with it if you are personally ok with it. my assumption is if you are asking us then you are not ok with it... and if you aren't then you should tell him that isn't cool with you

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  • I feel so sorry for the both of you, you guys should get a personality check I mean this isn't love, this isn't no where close to a relationship. He is using you, and you are making yourself used with the things you're doing. Its sad. This isn't normal.

    Break up with that guy and start a new page where you won't get high and do stuff with your friends that you're gonna regret later. I think its time to change to become a better person.

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    • Brutal but honest, some part of me knows this but it's easier to live a fantasy? thanks for your opinion

    • I'm really really sorry but I can't lie, you'll just trick yourself. you're welcome hope everything works out.

  • It's still wrong. Polygamy in spirit by any other name is still the breeding ground of future feuding.

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  • There is no "should" here. You feel what you feel. Most people have difficulty in non-monogamous relationships. But some people are fine with a non-exclusive relationship. If you want an exclusive relationship then it sounds like you need a different guy.

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    • I let my guard down, fell in love, screwed up which he made me fall even more by forgiving me and he brought up this question and it's killing me cause saying no is little selfish cause of what i did but saying yes kills the foundation of this relationship. I don't wanna hurt him and I feel like saying yes would create an escape , in which i would slowly lose feelings for him, cause all I feel is remorse cause this is all my fault.

  • If you refuse he'll likely bring up your mistake. But, you have a right to refuse if you are not comfortable with it. This is totally your decision and it only matters what you think, not what everyone on here does. This is what they call an open relationship and if it happens, then you have to worry about STD's etc. What if he get another woman pregnant? Not to mention how you'll feel knowing you aren't the only one?

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  • Clearly, you're not okay with it. Why he would forgive you, is beyond me. What to think of it? It's retribution, you got to play him, now he needs to get back at you. If you like drama, sure, go for it, otherwise you should take time out, get high and loaded, hump your friend and the usual.

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  • Fuck no. Tell him you want side dicks. He isn't into you. Dump his ass

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    • Oh he said that he wants me for himself only regardless and was just asking for my permission to try it, 'hypothetically'. I would normally say NO but then I screwed up too b4 unintentionally...

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    • Touché

    • ""Oh he said that he wants me for himself only regardless""

      Then he's a douchebag

  • Well he doesn't trust you and I'm not sure if he sees a future in your relationship. He not dumping you doesn't mean he isn't looking for another one especially when he's asking stuff like that. I'm sure that by his logic it wouldn't be cheating since you gave the permission to do it. Either that or he is not really over the betrayal of trust and just likes you grill you by implying that he's looking for a new one even if he really isn't.

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  • Honestly maybe a hall pass isn't out of the question but a side chick is a ridiculous motion that you shouldn't even entertain the idea of

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  • He's using your past stupid mistake to sleep with another guy to justify having another chick to bang. Yeah... you guys don't have a future together.

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  • nope

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  • it makes me wonder if he already one, and that could be why he was so quick to forgive you for cheating

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  • No, you shouldn't be ok with that, he is trying to use your guilt against you and that does not make for a healthy relationship.

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  • No I don't think so. Even though you messed up you told him about it and offered to break up and he said he was ok. So nah I don't think you should go for that.

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  • Well, the question is: ARE you ok with it? Sorry to ask you back what you asked, but ultimately it comes to what you feel about it, deep inside.

    It's certainly not something in accordance with "traditional values", but you are not obligated to follow these values.

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  • He probably already has a side chick.

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  • This is a joke right? Tell him to shut the fuck up or break up. Don't keep telling yourself because you messed up that it gives him the right as well.

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  • Only if he's okay with you having a guy on the side.

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  • Hey ya don't get if ya don't ask. He asked. He should've asked for a threesome but he's not me.

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  • If you don't want to share

    You could be like its me or nothing

    That's what I do

    I don't share

    If you are my girlfriend you are mine not an open relationship type of dude

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  • no way he should be in love with you and only you love should be shared with one person that you this guys shouldn't even be thinking about that

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  • Maybe you two should opt for an open relationship. Seems like he's okay with you seeing other guys, and maybe he's wanting the same. But it's up to you what you want. Do you feel comfortable sharing your partner with another? Would you feel comfortable being shared?

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    • Oh no is extremely against me even texting another guy, I cheated but I honestly wasn't in the a decision making position when I did, I was partly not conscious

    • It's not cheating if you both consent to seeing other partners. But if an open relationship isn't for you then just tell him how you feel.

      Honestly I find it a preferred relationship if me and my partner can have the freedom to meet with others.

  • noooo

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  • I mean I'm not sure that you should be okay with it but you aren't exactly in a position where you can complain.

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  • Geez, really? You're a 'plate' to him. Have you heard of spinning plates?
    You are of little value to him. Date and enjoy, but don't squander your age of prime beauty.

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  • No, of course not

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  • Why did you sleep with you guy friend in the first place?

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  • no, it is not okay for him to fuck you and his side-chick!

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  • He gets a free pass to fuck someone else now. If I was him I'd do it in your bed and record it then show you.

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  • it's over...

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What Girls Said 18

  • That's his way of dipping his toe in the water of seeing how you'd react when you find out he's been fucking another girl already

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  • Just say no! He wants to monopolize on your mistake. Tell him u will break up you can date whoever you want and get it out of your system. But when you are with a guy you are just with him

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  • Would you do it to him? And, why would it make you feel good or okay at knowing that he was finding romance and pleasure with another woman? :(

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  • Are you ok with him being with someone else as well?
    If not and you're just the typical jealous controlling woman then break up.

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  • That is your decision. This is just how you feel personally and if you're confortable with it happening.

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  • (Face palm) For the love of MARYYYY! *Sean Connery voice*

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  • hell no

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  • You deserve to be cheated on

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  • Leave him.

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  • Heck no.

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  • O_O why are you guys still together?

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    • Cause we have a great deal of feelings for each other. It's called love. I was surprised when he forgave me too. And now this.. :( but he says he loves me

    • He is lying about his feelings for you and you're doing the same thing. Was the lying part not obvious?

    • Talk about me being naive.. 😒 but still breaking up is easier said than done.

  • Ask him if he would be ok with you doing the same.

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  • Omg girl he doesn't love you anymore can't you realize that by yourself? you guys need to breakup

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  • You need to go get some good counselling about healthy relationships

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  • Since you're asking this question, you're obviously not okay with it. But then again, you feel like he has the upper hand since you slept with your friend.
    Did he mention you that he wants a side chick after the incident or prior to it?

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    • He did actually say he wanted one but he presented the idea as a 'hypothetical possibility' , like an ' would you be interested in this' . but then, out of the abundance of the heart speaks the mouth

  • It seems like he is using your incident with your friend as leverage to get you to say it's okay for him to be with other people. It's up to you what you are comfortable with, but this is definitely a weird situation.

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  • Just break up. He obviously isn't over the fact that you slept with someone else and you can't do much about it. He wants to get even... I say break up and sort out your things. This isn't going anywhere anyways...

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  • Kindergarteners in relationships.

    Go play with barbies.

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    • Trust me, relationships are more complicated than what the media shows about being super protective and angry.. Love is worst and best that exist.. :( . am ur age range, you don't know any better. Smh

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    • Anon is right.
      What your doing what you wanna do he wants to do. Is not how real relationships work.

      You cheated thats wrong. Cool he forgave you and all. But now he wants to cheat and expects you to be ok with it because the mistake you made. But also doesn't want you to cheat again. He is using you. Thats not love.

      If he really loves you AND wants a side chick he needs to let you have a side man. THATS called polyamoury. Which is love.

    • I'll give it to you. You're right. It's my first and all about his happiness over mine.. It's so stupid

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