How do I get rid of my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend?

I've been dating my boyfriend for three months. And since the beginning, his ex-girlfriend has been a HUGE problem. She texts/snapchats/calls/messages him constantly and she has made multiple efforts to contact me and lie about her sleeping with him since he and I had began dating. He and his ex dated off-and-on for 13 months, and he told me that every time he tried to break things off with her, she'd hurt herself or threaten to hurt herself. He feels that if he starts ignoring her while he's with me, she'll do something to hurt herself and it will all be his fault. Of course I understand his situation, but she refuses to get help and he doesn't make a harder effort to get her help. I want to be with him, granted our relationship is not perfect and he and I are pretty different people, but I think that we have a relationship that is worth the fight... only I'd rather not have to compete with his ex-girlfriend. There have been two times where I found out that she had been up to see him: the first incident was when they were in his apartment with his bedroom door locked, netlfix volume blaring. I beat on the door demanding him to get his cheating butt out of there, but when he came out he swore up and down that he hadn't cheated on me. But she was still in his bed, mind you. The second instance was that she called him a few nights after the situation above saying that something serious happened and she ended up staying the night at his apartment... in his bed, sleeping right next to him... He told me yet again that they didn't have sex and there was no infidelity going on. I tried breaking up with him last night, after explaining to him that I won't be caught up in this with his ex-girlfriend... but he started crying and holding me tighter. He never cries, he's a pretty rock-solid kind of guy... I ended up not breaking up with him because he said that he still wanted to be with me in this relationship... But he won't get rid of her... What do I do?

Part of me wants to anonymously tell her mom what's going on (my uncle and my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend's mom know each other). She needs psychiatric and medical help. My boyfriend told me that if he tries to drop her, it's either Vyvance or razor blades... I don't want her to hurt herself, but she needs help!!


What Guys Said 2

  • Mademoiselle,

    You are chasing after a man that has two women on his mind...

    Better you find a man that has only YOU on his mind. Fron the Passion that you write with, I am sure you have much to offer. A Woman's heart is a delicate thing. A Man's heart is made of steel, forged sometimes in Battle, sometimes by being hurt.

    If you choose to chase this man you speak of, you should at the very least insist that he speak openly with you about his feelings and intentions. If he cannot do this, he is not a Man.

    A man can open up to his woman. A Man can admit when he is wrong. A Man learns along the way of life, and believe me. I have been married for almost 17 years... it ain't easy ~ BUT ~ it is worth it for the Love of Your Life.

    • We discussed this at length last night at length and he said that he will be more open with me when his ex tries to see him or whatever she says regarding him and my relationship. I'm not THAT worried about him cheating on me, but at the same tim, I wish he would get her the help she needs so that he won't feel obligated to babysit her for the rest of his life.

      Plus, I don't want to keep feeling so insecure about myself

    • Show All
    • What I want to do is tell her parents what's going od see if they can put a stop to this on their end as her parents. Her mom does NOT like my boyfriend so maybe if she ows that her daughter is pushing in on him, she would make her stop!

    • Mlle.,

      You are fighting an uphill battle. Is there something about this Man you truly, honestly can not live without? Because from what you describe, a good woman should defintely not have to work this hard.

      What do I know? I haven't dated in almost 20 years... that's just my take.

      Believe me, I have fights with my wife; she can be a supreme bitch at times. But she's also the strongest love I have ever known known in my Whole Life.

  • Find her another man, set her up with someone!


What Girls Said 1

  • One of my ex's told me that if I ever broke up with him he would kill himself. I still broke up with him, he's still alive and well, he's had his struggles and I have made it very clear to him that I am always there to talk. But I refuse to meet up with him. I check up on him every now and then just to make sure he's doing okay. He was my first boyfriend and we were together for quite a long time and went through a lot together considering we we're only 13/14.

    Your boyfriend needs to lay down the boundaries to his ex. He needs to tell it to her as it is. You need to lay down the boundaries to him that you are comfortable with. If he still refuses then he has the choice to make between you and her. You cannot keep a relationship happy and healthy with constant distractions.