Do girls actually make decisions for themselves with regards to who they date?

Sounds offensive, I know.

It seems that one of my most prominent weaknesses in dating is giving girls a fair choice, often standing back and letting her contemplate what her options are, rather than stepping forward and asserting my will.

Every single time, no matter how close we are, she goes with the guy who offers first. She will happily sit on multiple laps until one grabs a hold of her. The fact we connect and have many things in common is irrelevant. That's what friends are for I guess.

I ponder this, and wonder if women actually choose their partners, or their partners choose them. It's kind of depressing, considering how much of our history is laden with examples where women didn't have a choice.

Being fair has given unfair results. Being respectful means getting taken for granted. I've learned that no matter how much you connect with a girl, I can't trust her to make the decision to be together and choose me. I have to make her choose me through assertion, otherwise she blissfully floats in the Spring breeze until another guy does.

fuck that.

  • No
    33% (3)80% (4)50% (7)Vote
  • Yes
    67% (6)20% (1)50% (7)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Look at your poll. 8)

    guess which one I am =]]]

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    • I wanted to answer this question:
      www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1922749-what-does-pass-mean-to-you-in-the-context-of-rating

      But it is closed.

      My answer was:

      Do you have any kind of chemistry together? A sign that a shy girl likes you is that she gets talkative with you. She talks to you to the point she may think she's annoying you. Do you have any chemistry? Do you feel anything any connection between you? Or you just assume everything about her?

      If you have that connection rating face won't be a thing between you.

    • Show All
    • Messaging you directly instead of asking would definitely be more efficient on this saga.

      I'm eyeing other prospects since she seems hopelessly slow, so stay tuned for that drama :D

    • uhum. I'll try to be there. :]

What Girls Said 7

  • I'd rather be given a fair choice. Like you said, history is mostly full of women not being able to choose who their partner was - I have the chance to do so and I'm taking it.

    I think that a lot of it is maybe that she just didn't realise you were interested? I mean, if she didn't see any signs that you liked her then your connection doesn't mean much because yeah, that's what friends are for. I didn't know that my boyfriend had liked me for four years before we got together. Even though I was pretty much head over heels for him, I wouldn't make a move, partly because of my incredibly low self-confidence but also because, as far as I was concerned, there'd been no evidence to say that he had feelings for me. Maybe it was the same situation and she got tired of waiting around for a sign or just straight up didn't see any signs and went with a safe bet and a sure relationship?

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    • She didn't go for anyone yet, but last week she made a decision involving another guy that channeled ghosts of the past. Hence the question.

      Stories like yours prompted the desire to seek answers and take action now. 4 years is a longtime. It's not atypical for girls to wait even 2 years without taking any action, before settling for the new guy that asserts himself.

      Action was taken and now she knows. I was on thin ice because of my crashing confidence levels, but barely made it. The seed is planted. :)

    • In my situation, I was also 11 when the crush first developed so obviously I needed a few years to figure out what it actually was and actually reach an age where a relationship was something I could handle :P Well, your situation sounds at least somewhat hopeful, especially now you've gained the confidence to let her know.

  • not sure what you mean by stepping back and letting her contemplate her options vs. asserting your will, but when i think of someone assertive, i think of that as a good thing. of course i'm going to go with a guy who is assertive and decisive vs. a guy who doesn't make it clear he's interested in me. that's a no-brainer. your question is a little vague but maybe you just aren't being clear enough about your feelings for her?

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    • Well, the feelings were made clear today. I asserted/demanded, she gave. Now we're on better terms.

  • You should probably tell the girl how much you like her and while she is thinking. Send her cute texts, letting her know you are thinking about her.

    I like it when a guy is more assertive, unless I tell them I have no interest in them whatsoever

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    • This summarizes almost every girl's opinion on the topic.

  • It doesn't matter if you're assertive or not she's going to pick whoever she wants to be with. Whether she wants to be with 100 guys or one. Whoever she is with is 100% up to her. She has the freedom to choose whoever is willing to be with her. You don't have to agree with her choices but they are hers to make. You can't force anyone to like you. You just have to suck it up and realize this person does not want to have anything to do with you and just move on to the people that actually do show interest in you.

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    • You're wrong. Just confessed. She was waiting all along.

  • Someone sounds like a bitter child lmao

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    • Sounds like an ad hominem from someone who fails to prove otherwise.

    • You're sad because you're not in possession of the qualities women find desirable? You're mad because you don't mention that you're interested, ergo placing yourself in the pool of potential boyfriends for her to pick. So I don't see how you complaining about it is somehow her fault.

  • If you start out friends with her she might think that if you date and have a nasty break up you won't be friends anymore.

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    • True, relationships change like this all the time.

  • Girls choose whoever shows actual interest. If there's no effort put in it, then why would we look that way anyway?

    Assertiveness just means you know what you want and you put yourself out there to get it.

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What Guys Said 1

  • in most cases, it's hormones. all it takes [for most] is popularity.

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