It seems that one of my most prominent weaknesses in dating is giving girls a fair choice, often standing back and letting her contemplate what her options are, rather than stepping forward and asserting my will.
Every single time, no matter how close we are, she goes with the guy who offers first. She will happily sit on multiple laps until one grabs a hold of her. The fact we connect and have many things in common is irrelevant. That's what friends are for I guess.
I ponder this, and wonder if women actually choose their partners, or their partners choose them. It's kind of depressing, considering how much of our history is laden with examples where women didn't have a choice.
Being fair has given unfair results. Being respectful means getting taken for granted. I've learned that no matter how much you connect with a girl, I can't trust her to make the decision to be together and choose me. I have to make her choose me through assertion, otherwise she blissfully floats in the Spring breeze until another guy does.
I'd rather be given a fair choice. Like you said, history is mostly full of women not being able to choose who their partner was - I have the chance to do so and I'm taking it.
I think that a lot of it is maybe that she just didn't realise you were interested? I mean, if she didn't see any signs that you liked her then your connection doesn't mean much because yeah, that's what friends are for. I didn't know that my boyfriend had liked me for four years before we got together. Even though I was pretty much head over heels for him, I wouldn't make a move, partly because of my incredibly low self-confidence but also because, as far as I was concerned, there'd been no evidence to say that he had feelings for me. Maybe it was the same situation and she got tired of waiting around for a sign or just straight up didn't see any signs and went with a safe bet and a sure relationship?
not sure what you mean by stepping back and letting her contemplate her options vs. asserting your will, but when i think of someone assertive, i think of that as a good thing. of course i'm going to go with a guy who is assertive and decisive vs. a guy who doesn't make it clear he's interested in me. that's a no-brainer. your question is a little vague but maybe you just aren't being clear enough about your feelings for her?
It doesn't matter if you're assertive or not she's going to pick whoever she wants to be with. Whether she wants to be with 100 guys or one. Whoever she is with is 100% up to her. She has the freedom to choose whoever is willing to be with her. You don't have to agree with her choices but they are hers to make. You can't force anyone to like you. You just have to suck it up and realize this person does not want to have anything to do with you and just move on to the people that actually do show interest in you.