When my ex broke up with me, he used some pretty low blows in comparing the woman he left me for. He basically made fun of me for having a physical handicap. It hurt a lot and since then I haven't had the same confidence that I once did. When I see guys look at me and smile, I tend to look down. I have become withdrawn and am not as confident as I once was. I have done steps to better myself physically since my ex, but no matter what I do, I am still self conscious. What should I do to get over this?
I never really used to have self-esteem problems until I was with a guy who was degrading towards me. It sucks. I'm with someone much better now, but I still wake up in the middle of the night thinking of the things he had said to me that make me self conscious. I don't know how to make it better except to discuss it with someone you trust and let them console you. It may take a while, and you may never have the same confidence level you once had, but it will start to come back. Love yourself for every flaw. He was trying to make himself feel better about leaving you by making those comparisons. The right person will love everything about you.
The only way to have strong, solid, true confidence that can't be taken away from you is to genuinely love yourself. You have to embrace and accept every single inch of your psyche and physical being. Treat yourself like the person you would honor and cherish the most in this world.
Start small with the way you carry yourself. Hold your head high, chin up, back straight, chest out, shoulders back. Once you feel comfortable with that after a week or so, make direct eye contact with people. Don't shy away and look at the floor. Look people straight in the eyes and crack a smile or don't but do not hang your head low. Make eye contact with random hot guys for practice until you numb yourself to intimidation. Next step, physical fitness! Don't have a certain weight or body shape in mind, just be active and seek to gain STRENGTH. The rest will follow. Do squats, do crunches until it feels like your insides are going to rip and fall off. Don't just jog, sprint like a horse. This is a great start to regaining health and building confidence. After that, invest in a sexy outfit that makes your tits and/or azz look amazing. Buy sexy lingerie for yourself and put on a steamy show in front of the mirror. Do little confidence tests.
First of all, I am sorry to hear that. Now, I don't have a personal experience with a boyfriend like that, but I do know that I had one friend who always put me down everyday and it did discourage me. I kept telling myself that "who cares?" or "She's not worth my time to listen to", but deep down I was a bit hurt, but I'm glad I did one thing: I cried until I couldn't anymore and I found NEW friends. These new friends treated me kindly and gave me compliments. Now, I don't think of one thing that girl had to say about me because her opinion was pointless to me. My advice: Find a guy (not intentionally looking for one), but just slowly developing healthy into more than friends. He will help you see how beautiful a person you are. And you know what? When a guy compliments you or smiles at you, don't put your head down! A guy wouldn't stop to smile or compliment you if he didn't mean it! :)