Guys, Is it time to just give up?

I am not one to walk away easily. Giving up has never been something that's been "easy" for me.

Some of you might remember the guy from the bar. Well, things were great. We were going out and having fun and slowly it has started to fade. He is still currently dating the other girl as well. Anyway, I saw him Saturday night. I had given him the cold shoulder prior because he never followed up about plans. He walks up to me and says, "I didn't know you were coming in tonight." and I kind of was just like, "Oh, yeah, celebrating my friend's birthday." The night went as usual. Dancing, making eye contact with him, etc. Before I left, I went to say bye and he said "Bye beautiful, text me!". While I was saying bye to another one of my friends, my friend went up to him and asked him to follow her on IG. I mean, she was asking everyone to do it, but he did. Which kind of bugged me because 1. He doesn't even follow me back on IG and 2. She kind of stepped in and irritated me. Anyway, I texted him when I got home safely because I was driving all these drunk people. He responded.

Two days later I texted him asking when I get to see him again outside of work, that is, if he was still interested. He invited me to his show this weekend. He never said he wasn't interested. I texted him today to ask him the event details and he told me everything that I need to know for this weekend.

I don't know. Don't get me wrong. I'm stoked he invited me to his show and that I get to see him but I just feel like maybe he's not all in it. I know it's also really dumb to be irritated over it, but the fact that he follows my friend on IG and not me really bugs the crap out of me. I don't know how to confront that issue without sounding crazy, hah. It just makes me feel like he's avoiding me in some sense? I'm pretty sure he knows I follow him, too. I don't want to give up but maybe I should at this point. :/


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Most Helpful Guy

  • So you're basically a roadie. You sound like ideal side girl material. The guy clearly has stuff going on along with a good deal of followers. You said he has a girlfriend and he's also got other girls interested in him in some way or another. You seem to have this female mentality of "I texted you, so why aren't you fucking me yet?" This subtlety and implicit statements. "I gave you my number, so why aren't you asking to marry me yet?" That's basically the statement that I get from this. There's no direct statement. No clear, unambiguous "I like you and want to be with you." I read your last question, too, and from all you've said, it's just like you're a friend or a fan.

    The inclusion of the cold shoulder adds to the portrayal of a friend or fan. Nothing that you've done, that I see, shouts "I want your dick." or "I'm romantically interested in you." For all he could know, you're just another female fan who likes his work, as he has several/many.

    So, my advice is make it unmistakable. Be direct. Women are much too subtle, then get frustrated that the guy can't read their mind. He has a girlfriend. He knows you know he has a girlfriend. So what are you doing that shouts "I want you to pick me instead of the girl you're currently with." ? Nothing that I can see. So say it.

    As @joeb73 stated, as well, he's an entertainer, and it's his job to get people to see his shows. In order to bridge that gap of worker and customer, you're going to have to be a lot more obvious, in my opinion. Or just let it go. Either way.

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    • Well they definitely don't have a huge following but I get what you're saying. We have gone on dates, just the two of us and we have hooked up. We are legitimately dating and he knows that I like him, it's just getting him to come clean about how HE feels. I guess I just have to ask him straight up to figure that one out, huh?

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    • Hey, congratulations. ^_^ Sounds pretty solid to me. Hope it pans out the way you want.

    • So do I! Just have to see if he pulls through on Wednesday, lol. Which I hope he does, of course.

What Guys Said 5

  • He sounds like Mr. popular guy and dealing with musicians I've dealt with over the year in the music business I've seen how they work girls how they and how they play girls left to right. One night I had one of the musicians he used to be my house drummer, his girl friend called me up and wanted me to kick is a** for her, I probably spent 30 minutes on the phone with her trying to convince me to. Then I had another guy pick up a girl from a club and brought her back to my place once and I wasn't on board with that. I ended up going to get something from the store and before I could get back home they had found their way to my room used my bed and got it on. I returned from the store just as he was running out my door with her right behind him yelling she'd had better while he was running past me saying I've got to get back to my girl. Then I made her leave. Weeks if not months went by and I got a call from some guy all bent out of shape looking for that girl because she had snatched one of my business cards on the way out of my bedroom. Long story short I've seen it over and over and that's popular guys for you.

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    • Yeah, I know he's def had his rounds with women that's for sure. He's 27, you'd think he'd be over that by now, lol. I'll just see how this weekend goes for sure.

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    • Yes on the name, no on Youtube

    • Then I would assume they have nothing on line.

  • im am unsure how serious he is about you but if he is an entertainer then i can see one thing. he gets payed to bring people to the show. usually the more girls that show up the more guys that also will. so he tries to get as many ladys to his shows as possible. the more people and followers he has the more he can ask to get payed to perform.
    my suggestion is to talk to him and find out if he is a player or if he is really interested in you.. or just using you to get your friends to the show so he gets a bigger pay check

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    • Well, I know he def wants people at this show but I don't feel like he's using me. I've known this guy for almost two years and just recently within the past few months let him know I feel hence the few dates we've been on, etc. He could literally just ask me to tell my friends to come, lol. I'm def going to talk to him this weekend assuming it goes my way and I go out with him afterwards. Finally going to just straight up ask him how he feels because from all these answers, it seems that that's what I need to do.

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    • i'm glad everything is working for you. and my beleave is everything that is worth fighting for you should fight for including a relationship.
      i just glad he see's how special you are and is giving it a chance

    • I'm hoping he pulls through with Wednesday for sure. We didn't get much of a chance to talk about what I wanted to because he was performing and after that, other bands were performing. Wednesday will be just us, going out. So hopefully he comes through!

  • This guy is playing quite a few of you like a fiddle. He's managed to get you irritated over nothing, annoyed at your own friend - and he's actually dating someone else lol. Nobody can tell you whether you should give up or not, that's a self respect call you have to look deep down and make on your own.

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    • Yes, I know.

      He was straight up honest with me from the start about dating this other girl. "Playing the field" which I get because I've done that, too. She also just recently found out about me. I think it's getting more serious between him and the other girl for sure but he hasn't said anything to me at all... he did however, get me annoyed at my own friend; you're right about that. I know she was drunk and just wanted more followers but the fact that he did it yet I've been following him for a few months and get nothing in return irritates the shit out of me.

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    • Sounds like it went well. There might be a chance yet. Remember, play by your rules :-).

    • Oh definitely. I'm hoping he pulls through on Wednesday. I haven't heard from him yet today, and I'm giving him until tomorrow to set these plans. I don't know if I should bother texting him if he doesn't text me about it, but I also really want to get that one on one time with him!

  • No you shouldn't give up honey you never give up its not in you or your blood even tho things are getting rough you keep going and never give up

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    • I just feel that maybe I'm wasting my time. He's such a great guy. I would love to keep pursuing this BUT I don't think we're on the same page feelings wise and it sucks so bad. Just getting mixed signals, is all.

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    • lol well I follow him and he's known me for awhile yet my friend who he didn't even know asked him to and he did. So I just found that a bit weird.

    • I don't know what to say about that that is weird 👽

  • He knows you're a ho and is just using you for the booty.

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