Being attractive and socially awkward?

I'm a 19 year old college student and I never get dates. I've always been painfully shy and in high school I was really awkward too. I've worked on it a bit now in college, but I'm still very shy, and the fact that it's community college doesn't help.

Apparently, quite a few guys liked me in middle school and high school. I found out through their friends though, only a few of them ever asked me out and they did it OVER TEXT. Sometimes, while at a fast food place or the mall, some random guys will come over, try to talk to me, and sometimes ask for my number.

However, now in college, I feel pretty invisible. In public, I often feel like guys are staring at me. If I talk to guys in class, they often act awkward unless they're pretty outgoing. Either way, I get very nervous because of how bad of social anxiety I have, and I will be too scared to talk to them again.

I've always had incredibly low self esteem, so I've never thought of myself as the least bit attractive. People will tell me I am, but I always suspect they are lying.

Despite all of this, I feel very invisible and ugly when I notice guys talking to/asking out the pretty, more talkative girls in classes. My friends who are more outgoing always talk about their boyfriends to me, and I feel really left out. At this point, I just feel that something is very very wrong with my appearance/demeanor/both.

I guess my question is, assuming I'm not hideous (could be the problem), is my problem that I come off as weird or something to guys in class? Even people who aren't extremely attractive seem to get attention if they're more talkative. What is wrong with me?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • at college there is a lot of good looking girls so you won't really stand out much there , if you want to meet more guys you have to get yourself out there more and be somewhere that is maybe more male dominated or you'd stand out somehow. at college is a lot of options to meet people like in class , gym , library , nearby restaurants , parties etc

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well, its hard to tell. I've never seen you, post a picture? You are a stranger to me so I guess I bluntly could kinda care less about your feelings? (Ouch) I didn't intend to make it sound so rude but I mean ill be honest. Haha... but yeah that guy is right... people know when you're insecure and thats a big turn off... how can someone love you if you can't even love yourself? Work on THAT boo. POST A SELFIE GIIRRLLL

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What Guys Said 15

  • Well community college just sucks, so you gotta get out of there, or at least get involved with a local uni scene (assuming there is one)

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  • work on your boldness. Tell yourself, I am not scared, no one will hurt me, I am wonderfully made, I have an angel watching over me.

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  • There's absolutely nothing wrong with you, this happens to a lot of women actually. Let's consider you want to be in a relationship, from what I understand, the way you two most likely will meet is if he approaches you. All you have to do is become a little more outgoing. Shyness is something we all deal with, even me, even tho I'm very much known to be amazingly outgoing. If it's that much of a problem, try little things to overcome your shyness.

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  • It seems quite clear you yourself need to be more talkative. If you come across as someone who isn't social lots of people will just avoid you as they may think you want to be left alone.

    Also quit with the attractive versus non-attractive. Lots of guys, myself included, don't always go for the most attractive girls. I also don't mind starting a conversation with someone unless they appear they want to be left alone, and it seems like that is the case here.

    Hope that helps

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  • Probably honestly your lack of confidence in yourself... it can sometimes be like a stench as there are lots of negative physical signs that are easily identified by both sexes.

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  • You might just not look very friendly or approachable so guys stay away from you. Or, you are very attractive and guys are intimidated by you. Feel free to message me anytime if you have any other questions or you want to talk

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  • there's gotta be things you are not happy about, what do ''you'' think it is?
    It would be great if u could explain more, u did explain u dont get dates and u are socially awkward but there's always reasons why or what makes it worst.

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  • It's because your shy I was shy for years and as soon as I opened up and got out there I found the life was more fun and i was going on more dates

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  • I guess when guys talk to you and see you're uncomfortable, the get the impression that you don't like them. Im actually pretty sure that's the case. Speaking from a guy's perspective

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  • Just gotta be more confident. Confidence is sexy.

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  • ufat?
    uugly?

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  • So I'm the guy version with the same issues with women and I'm also in community college

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  • Lol wow this is pathetic

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  • I'm having a similar issue. Don't focusnon finding someone until after you graduate, community college isn't a great relationship staering institution. Joining a club may help though.

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