How to get a girlfirends when you're social awkward, extremely shy and quiet?

I'm social awkward, extremely shy and quiet, I'm 16 and nealy at the end of my year of collage doing carpentry (thats English collage not American) and I have meet no new girls because I'm whole intire class is full of guys and no girls they are no clubs at the collage and there are not social areas. I don't really talk to my old firends from secondly school a lot because they have either moved away or started to hang around with people I don't get on with. I don't get invited to party's a lot as you could properly guess, I've only been to one and that was one of my close mates and didn't really speak to anyone. Even if I did meet a girl I would have no clue want to talk about I remember one of mates said that him and his girlfriend were speaking for a mouth before they were boyfirend and girlfirend I struggle to come up with something to text mates about who I have known for years not alone some I've just met.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well I can tell you that at this rate, you won't get a girlfriend. You have to change things about yourself.
    Is your education located in a building with other studies? You can always try to talk to a girl from another study.
    But first you have to get rid of your socially awkwardness etc. You won't only be able to talk to girls then but also feel liberated because you can talk to anybody without fear.
    Remember that shyness and socially awkwardness isn't you. It's just a version of you.
    But you can only change yourself. Try to get out of your comfortzone with little baby steps.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I've went through the comments, and some say something along the lines of don't be socially awkward, extremely shy, and quiet - not helpful. And some comments say that you can't change - also not helpful. People's personalities aren't fixed for life; there is some flexibility. So here are some suggestions (in no particular order):

    --ask yourself if you really want a girlfriend
    --ask yourself how much you think you can change
    --it may also help to become comfortable with who you are. How can you be comfortable around others if you're not comfortable in your own skin?
    --look up some books by Dale Carnegie and Leil Lowndes, they may be helpful
    --try online dating, speed dating, blind dates
    --get used to the process of interacting with girls and don't be too attached to the outcome (i. e. getting a girlfriend) because if you interact well then getting a girlfriend will occur naturally
    --as for coming up with conversation, it would help to read/watch the news to stay in touch with what's happening as these can be good conversation starters. Some other good points of conversation are: location (ex: where she's from), family, work, hobbies/activities, and travel. Some topics to initially avoid: sex, politics, and religion.
    --you're still 16 - you have a lot of time to change and it's too early to worry much about getting a girlfriend.
    --the following users gave some good/interesting advice: WickedImpudence, Alan180188, Thandz01, rjroy3, astrOnaut01, Words_and_Wisdom

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What Girls Said 9

  • Well what do you like? What music/ movies/ comics/ games etc are you into? Find stuff in your area. Everybody has things they geek out over ( even us girls) and if you start getting out there and going to/ participateing in hobbies and activities you like, you'll meet others who do as well. Maybe even attractive girls who do (or people through whom you can meet said girls). Also, when you're doing something you enjoy it makes it SO much easier to have conversations without awkwardness or pressure! Don't be ashamed that f your shyness, but don't let it isolate you either. If you find a place where you feel comfortable and can do something you love chances are your love life might improve along with your love of life.

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  • Once you leave college it will be easier to meet people. Are you going into work or further education when you leave? Whichever you decide will definitely open the door to meeting new people and expanding your horizons. So just know that you will meet people. Otherwise? Meet people online. It really can help you build up confidence.

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    • "once you leave college it will be easier to meet people."

      Not necessarily true, it may become harder to meet people after college. Also, meeting people is different from befriending them.

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    • There aren't many points that are helpful to OP. Anyways, I just left my own opinion.

    • @ChromAzonyx108 thanks. Super helpful.

  • Dude, if you really want to get a girlfriend, you have to change yourself a bit. Come out from your shell.. You do not need to be the coolest person. If you like her, then just be yourself. Have enough self-confidence. Make friends with her and hangout with her and tell her that you like/love her.. Girls are attracted to sincere and honest guys. We do not need lots of gifts though. We just want simple efforts to make us smile, unexpected surprises, cuddles, affection and we want your TIME to make us feel special. ;) I know you can do it. Just have the courage and believe in yourself. Just be honest and sincere. We don't like fuck boys. LOL. Good luck buddy

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  • You find a girl like you and you can be awkward together :)

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    • like Sheldon and Amy on the Big Bang Theory

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    • @Blonde401 I thought that it was actually pretty good in the beginning. The first two seasons were decent, but it went down hill after Leonard and Penny became a serious item, and it sharply declined after Amy appeared.

    • @TheSpartan Season one was bearable. I also find it disgusting that Penny never had a last name because she was just a two dimensional character. Don't even get me started on Amy. Amy is just there to be mocked, let's all laugh at the socially awkward girl. I hate it, it's offensive on a variety of levels.

  • Sometimes the girls come crawling to you. Okay... that sounds weird. Anyways, when you least expect it a girl will pop in to your life. Plus, I've met girls that are drawn to your types but the dude is oblivious to it.
    Chin up buttercup!! Good things come to those who wait... ORRR those who go for it B-)

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  • u have to come out of ur shell... itzz necessary... odrwize how cum a girl would know how good u are!!!

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  • Girls aren't going to like a guy that stands there awkwardly not knowing what to say. You've got to come out of your shell and get some confidence.

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What Guys Said 25

  • Hate to say it but you gotta get out of your comfort zone. You need to hustle and push yourself hard mentally by challenging yourself to at least approach and talk to a girl once a day.
    It'll be difficult, and you may want to shut yourself in. But think of it as a muscle you need to work out. The more you practice pushing yourself out there, the more you'll feel at ease being around others. Doesn't mean you have to be an extrovert and be a party person or anything. You'll learn to be yourself, but unapologetically and without worry of what others think of you.

    You just have to remember. If they don't like you, then it's great for you: you don't have to waste time with those unworthy of your value.

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  • You are not going to get a girlfriend if you are a socially awkward and shy male. Work on getting over your social anxieties before even thinking about a girlfriend.

    The main reason you are not going to get a girlfriend if you are socially awkward and shy is the desperation. It is clear, from what you type, that you are desperate for a girlfriend. The thing is, that is 100% counter-productive to what you want.

    So, to answer your question: How do I get a girlfriend? Don't want one in the first place.

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  • Follow god.. y not build a relationship with the creator of love? If u do so u will feel fulfilled and no longer have a burning desire for a girlfriend. U are still very young and should jus be enjoying your life and setting up for your future so that when u get a girlfriend one day ur spirit and life will be right and u can become one with a female. And trust me i'm shy and socially awkward to but god makes me feel content and being content and humble is very atttactive to women. Once u know god and feel his love it will be hard for u too find a girl that matches up even a little bit like me i became picky because i suddenly had so many choices.. don't rushit bro.

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  • You need more interests in life. Breaking the laws a great confidence builder just don't get caught. I used to get a buzz out of breaking and entering when I was a kid. The alarm systems were shite in my day though. Fighting is also a life changer. I've seen guys going from mutes to swaggering and getting all the girls after they got used to fighting and sticking up for themselves. You need to break your comfort zone coz obviously yours is shite. Don't let society pigeonhole you. If you exite yourself you'll exited other people.

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    • This is some vad advice. When it's the shy guy doing it, it's "bad luck Brian". You will get caught, and you'll get your ass kicked hard

    • @mikemx55 of course it is. It's radical. But just like the gordian knot the best idea is to cut through not spend years untangling. You can't self help you need to shock yourself by doing something out of character

  • There's this girl that I've seen around college that I've developed a crush on. Last Friday I decided to go and speak to her.
    I'm like you, socially awkward, extremely quiet and really shy. When she accepted my invitation to get to know each other better, my confidence soared. It was the most I've ever spoken to someone and it was a random girl I didn't know (turns out we've got a lot in common).
    It's hard to make the initial move (I chickened out the week before, but it made me more determined next time).
    I'm in my 2nd year ok college (UK) and am doing engineering with no girls.
    This was the first time I've ever approached anyone on my own and it wasn't as bad as I expected. I can never think of things to talk about with people in person but my mind came alive for once and it's the best feeling ever.
    So my advice is to find a girl you like (I've liked her for a few months now and realized nothing was gonna happen unless I did something about it) and go and say hi. If she says hi back, just go from there and get to know her. Ask questions about her interested, what she's studying at college, hobbies etc...
    Plan out the opening part before speaking to her and it should all then fall naturally. Just stay calm.
    I admit she's not my girlfriend but at least it's a start. If she rejects you, move on and see if someone else catches your eye. If so then repeat the procedure.
    Hope I helped you.
    I'm 18M by the way.

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  • You keep on asking girls out, literally nonstop, multiple per day. Most of them will reject you, but eventually the task will get easier and easier as you become desensitized. Eventually that desensitization will turn into confidence as you are no longer afraid, and then finally a girl will say Yes to you. Remember the advice that my father taught me: even if 99 out of 100 say No, you only need 1 to say Yes. Aim for the hottest girls.

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    • it will make all the chicks think he is a fuckboy and chronic rejection will crush his self-esteem and deter him from asking out girls in the future.

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    • @amazon-boy I Agree. Girls will see that desperation and it will be a total turn off for them. They will look down on him. Not only that, but none would take him seriously.

    • @Markus_179 and if he asks out everyone, then, he doesn't really mean it for any of them... that's like putting up an advert and taking whomever answers it. May work, but it sounds like a shitty and unfullfilling strategy to me, that will actually lead nowhere. Because the girls who accept it, will either be dumb (cause they didn't realise he does it with everyone), desperate, or genuinely don't care, and will hurt him down the road

  • Stop being socially awkward, extremely shy and quiet

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  • The shyness HAS to be BROKEN! The more outgoing you are, the way higher odds u have to be more successful with girls!

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  • by not being shy and quiet anymore. you can train this. it´s not a permanent state you are doomed with.

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  • In my experience, you don't. But you might have a different life, where girls actually take time to talk to you or something like that.

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  • Go to clubs at night and practice socializing. No one knows you and if it goes bad they will forget you lol. It's ok

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  • Start small and make some GUY friend first yea?

    Practice your social skill with GUYS. Social networking is key. Know how to act in a group setting as well as 1-on-1 setting.

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  • You need to convert yourself from socially awkward quiet guy to the quiet mysterious guy.
    1. Don't stare at girls you like a wall flower, it gives then the creeps.
    2. Keep your crushes list secret.
    3. Observe people, listen you often will find out peoples beliefs, likes and wants.
    4. Keep personal information from gossipers.
    5. Speak when spoken to.

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    • Follow this and people will come to you. To investigate you. Also say hi to people you know.

  • there is one basic rule when approaching for girls ! ... always think like this: she is a human like you not an alien that's first, second she is not yours or attached to you somehow so no need to be afraid of how she will think about you, use your full power, girls don't feel safe with guys who hesitate. ...

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  • None of that shit matters as long as you are good looking with a ok personality which you have then that's all you need.

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  • You can't. You have to approach, break your comfort zone, and become more social. I know being social is pretty boring (and so mindnumbing), but it's necessary in order to get a woman.

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  • >carpentry

    Not the sharpest tool in the box then. Anyway just tell sloots to get on their knees. They love being used. So use em.

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  • Find another socially awkward guy whom you find attractive.

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  • girlfriends? one is enough...

    media.giphy.com/media/dC9DTdqPmRnlS/giphy.gif

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  • Generally, you don't.

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  • You simply can't.

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  • You will not get a girlfriend

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  • I'm in very much the same boat; sadly it's pretty darn hard when you can't go approach strangers and can't get to know a girl through your social circle because you don't have one.

    We are destined to be alone if we can't break through our extreme social anxiety or what I think I could possibly have, autism. Sadly girls rarely approach us guys... so our genes will never be carried on in future generations

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  • You could be really hot, preferably in the baby-boy-cute type of way. Then you would be approached quite regularly.

    Failing that, no. You're a guy. You're going to have to change.

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  • 1 find a small mixed group
    2 get comfortable in that group
    3 you will learn how to come out of your shell talking to the girls in the group

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