Help me understand this guy, please. And what should I do?

Me and this guy have the same age and study at the same university, but we are in such different study areas that we don't actually have classes at the same place. I barely see him, like once a month if that much. I saw him for the first time two years ago, and there is something about him that makes me want to know him. Every time we cross our paths, I catch him looking at me, but when I actually try to make eye contact he looks somewhere else. Everybody says he is looking at me when I am not watching. I added him on facebook after the second time I saw him, he never said anything or liked anything, so I got pissed and deleted him (I know...). Recently I followed him on instagram and he followed back but again, nothing happened. I liked a few of his pictures but he never did anything. Is this guy so shy he can't say anything? We have zero friends in common, I discovered who he was because he plays at the soccer university team. I saw him at a party last night, and he was always on my view line (is this an actual thing to say in english?), he was almost always facing me and I got close to him but he did nothing. He was with his guy friends and we don't have anything in common, so to me going there and start talking would be too weird.

How can I make it go from here? I thought I would forget him, but I just can't. I don't think he has a girlfriend... would you say he is not interested?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Hm. It's very difficult to think of a good, natural-sounding way of approaching him when you don't really know anything about him. Whether he likes you or not is in my opinion impossible to say based on what you have written.

    The way I see it, you have 3 options. 1, you continue as before and hope that maybe he will ask you out. 2 - approach him yourself directly in whatever way and 3, make it happen yourself, but in a hopefully more circumspect way.

    For approaching him directly - if you cannot work up the courage to do it in person, which is hard since you know almost nothing about him, I think deleting him on Facebook actually gave you a decent opening. I would recommend to do it in person if you can, but that's too much, you can also try adding him back and writing a message saying something like "sorry, I was cleaning up my facebook recently and accidentally deleted you. I was too embarrassed to say anything, but do you want to grab a coffee sometime?"

    I would recommend in person as some people (myself included) basically check their "other" inbox like once a year, so he may not see it on facebook depending on settings.

    For the 3rd option, I would suggest using your friends to poke around a bit. Nothing too crazy, but do you actually know anything about this guy, other than that he plays soccer? Knowing a bit more about what he likes to do / where he likes to spend his time & who his friends are would give you a better idea of what he is like & what common interests you could have together. If you have even one friend who is at least somewhat outgoing, this should not be too hard. Use your network!

    Finally... no pain, no gain. I can promise you that in the future, even if this guy shoots you down in the worst way possible, you will regret not having done anything a lot more than being shot down. When I was your age & in university, sorry for sounding old, I asked out 5 guys, 2 said yes, 2 said no, and one in hindsight probably didn't understand that I was asking him out. No regrets.. but the 2 guys I could not work out the courage to approach... well, now I barely remember their names, but I did mildly regret not at least trying for a good couple of years. Soo... get in there, soldier!

    • Thank you so much for your amazing advice. I really have to do something about this, I will not leave it like that. I don't really think approaching him on social media would be a good idea as you said, so I'm going to try to do that in person, which will be really hard because I almost never see him and when I do it's at some party or at the library (where he is studying and is not open for a talk...). I do have one friend that plays the same sport but in a different place, they have that in common, but that friend doesn't move a finger to help me because she's too shy too (she is a girl...). I'm not very lucky lol So... I am going to try to figure this out. I just don't want to miss any other chance I get. Thank you, again :) And I hope everything goes well!! :D

    • Hi, glad you feel I could help you! And I really hope it goes well for you! Being shy really can be so frustrating ;) Maybe that friend can find out a bit more by listening in to conversation or something like that. It is hard to challenge your shyness, but it gets better & easier the more you push yourself to do those things.

      Once, I was studying in the library and went to the bathroom. When I came back, there was a note on the book I had been reading which said "I notice you in here often and we smile each other, but I am too shy to ask you out in person. So... would you like to have a coffee with me?"

      The sad part of this story is - I had no idea who this was from. There was no name on the note, no number, nothing. I really would have liked to meet this mystery person, but I never found out. So the library can be quite a good place for romance, too, I guess. You could run into him at the copy machine or, for a bolder move, suggest taking a break from studying together.

What Guys Said 2

  • I would say the both of you are being shy. This is actually extremely frustrating to read. You're doing the absolute minimum in terms of actually contacting to him and this guy is, just, well he's weird as shit.

    You see him a lot, why not just talk to him? Walk up and say, I dunno, "You're always looking at me, and I always notice you looking at me, don't you think it's about time we talked or something?" and then boom, you're talking. But this? Jesus... Please, just talk to the poor guy and so you can rest easy at night.

    • I have this huge red flag on my head because I added him on social media, which I think shows interest, and he did nothing at all. I liked his pictures and he didn't move, nothing. So I fear that maybe this is a sign. Am I thinking wrong? Thank you for your advice by the way you are right.

    • Show All
    • I'm just happy to help. But be realistic with yourself. Don't conjure up some grand thought inside of your head cause reality isn't something you can manipulate so easily like you can with your own thoughts. Good luck, alright? :)

  • You should try some tricks, because I was same ( shy and neutral). This one is classic : Hit him ( evenm more hardly) with shoulder and like apoligies you can say " sorry for that.. maybe cup of coffee could be fine after this shock".. or something like this. If he is inactive, try to do some activity. This is only way like to learn more.
    Try to do it naturally.. just play theatre.
    To be on your place I would do this or something very similar, cos I was same.

    • I should definitly be more brave and do that. I did made plans to do that next time I see him, but I was there, side by side, and did nothing. I have this huge feeling that, maybe, if he was genuinly interested, he would at least do something when I added him on social media, by adding him I was actually showing interest I guess... and not even one like. That is like a red flag to me. Should I just forget about it? Thank you so much for your kind answer, by the way.

    • Forget about social media. I have more than 10 000 followers and Im not able to answer to everybody who is sending me private message. You said it - be brave ( easy to say hard to do i know). Just do it - impact or something like that - because you're playing wabank - for all. Basically you have nothing to lose - result will be positive or negative. 50-50.
      To be on your place ( Im 47 and I have some experience and of course Im man. But Im trying to put your shoes on), I would go and ask directly - hey you, lets take a coffe and talk little bit if your dont mind ( wine... whatever). Be sure on your place I would do it directly.
      Together with it I can understand your situation and feelings cos I was 20 as well. But its few centuries ago...

What Girls Said 2

  • I don't think he's interested, otherwise he would make a move by now. Though, he could be shy and why don't you come up and talk to him. Being friendly doesn't make it awkward.

    • Yes, that's what I have been thinking, that he is not interested. But when I see him, which is something really rare, everything comes back again, because I feel that maybe he wants to know me too, but he is not very clear, no. That's why I don't go talk to him, I have this huge red flag. Maybe he has a girlfriend.

    • You know if you don't ask, you will be thinking about it all the time. It's not that easy just to let go without a proper reason. Better do it (make a move, talk to him) and regret then not do it and regret.

  • Text him about it! Talk to him! Both of you guys are being really shy! He seems to like you, so if you want more make a move. Don't just wait 4 him.