Giving him a taste of his owm medicine?

Ok so my boyfriend's debit card constantly declines. He thinks that I should have his back and pay for his items willingly when this occurs. I think it's both irresponsible and selfish to think this way, especially when it happens numerous times and he doesn't seem to care to watch his balance. So I have an old debit card that I canceled. I am thinking of using it for paying for items. Going on shopping sprees and have it decline putting him on the spot, and asking him to pay exactly like he does me.
I want him to know how it feels. Even if we are in a restaurant we are going to sit there after my card declines, while he squirms to pay. He has done this to me many times.

I will obviously have my real debit card in case things get out of hand, but he doesn't have to know that. He says if I put him in those situations, like he does me, he would pay every time. Lets see how he likes it when the tabs add up, and his bank account runs low because my card declines. Am I wrong?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I have to ask, why are you still with him if he's this irresponsible and treats you with such disrespect? Plus, I know it's only a minor fee, but I think it unfair to intentionally hang a swipe fee on a merchant just to prove a point to someone. Every time a card gets swiped, whether it's approved or not, a small fee is usually charged depending on the terms of their merchant agreement. If the transaction is approved, then they are charged a percentage of the transaction amount. Why not just tell him you don't have your card then let him squirm?

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    • You are right. I am not really sure why I am with him.

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    • Could the fact he's the clingy one have anything to do with the fact he treats you the way he does and you have up until now put up with it? If you're going to continue to let him treat you that way, I see no reason for him to change. I'm sure he feels the same.

    • "Another factor is that I am not sure if this annoyance is the result of depression which I am, dealing with or what."

      If I may ask, when did this depression begin? Before or after you two got together? Even if it was before, he might be sensing that and (even subconsciously and unintentionally) be feeding into that depression by the way he treats you. I'm fairly certain your depression is a factor in this, and 100% certain it's not helping the situation. I think you really need to reevaluate your relationship with him. I hope you are seeking counseling and treatment for your depression.

Most Helpful Girl

What Guys Said 5

  • only thing you could run into a situation where no one has the money to pay , its illegal to go into a restaurant and order food knowing you don't have the money to pay. there is a weird term for this offense but it is a crime. you don't hear a lot of people being charged with this but it does happen

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  • Can i just ask, why are you two going on shopping sprees and eating out if he can't even keep a debit card in the black?

    You can obviously go do these things - he needs to find a way to earn some more, or waste less money. I think you should tell him you're not going out to spend money with him until he learns how to manage it.

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  • As much as I want to say "do it!" because I bet it would be incredibly satisfying, I don't think it's right. I think you should just confront him about it and tell him you aren't going to pay for his shit anymore if he isn't responsible with his spending. If he gets mad that's his problem... asking every now and then seems okay, if he does stuff to pay you back, but him expecting you to pay all the time seems wrong.

    But yeah, I think you doing the same thing to him intentionally would be bad for your relationship, it seems like more of an instigating step towards fighting etc. than towards actually talking about issues and fixing them.

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  • Or u could jus stop paying for his stuff when his card declines.. i'm sure he will get the message.. tough love

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  • Trust me he already knows how it feels. It's why he does what he does.
    As a male it is expected that we pay for everything and we are expected to "take care" of women. He is simply fed up and is turning the tables.

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