Why does he say I'm too young for him to date but we sleep together regularly?

I've been hooking up with this guy for about 5 months now. The whole thing is complicated (it's off limits at work, its socially wrong, and other things) but we have an understanding about our arrangement and what we are for each other and I'm fine with it and frankly I don't want anything else at this point. We were talking the other day (throwing the "what if's" out) and he said something that rubbed me the wrong way. He said "To be honest you're too young for me." I mean it's true (I'm 21 and he's 34) we just hadn't said it but after I left I thought "well I'm old enough to sleep with but too young too date." Don't really know what to think about it. I just don't get it.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yeah, I wouldn't take it personally. You're just in different life phases. Hooking up is what it is, relationships are serious business that require you to be on the same page. I'm not saying that no 34/21 pairing in the world could ever work, but the odds are that either now, or sooner rather than later, he might want something different than you do at your age. Like maybe in two years he wants to be thinking about marriage and kids, and you're still 23 and not looking for that yet, that's not going to work. Just enjoy it for what it is, and protect your own feelings, don't invest your emotions in him, because he probably won't change his mind. If you start catching feelings, it's time to pull away.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Honestly wouldn't read too much into it, as it sounds to me like an excuse to avoid any relationship talk. Plainly, he's not interested in a relationship, *with you*.

    But to answer your question, (and first let me apologize in advance, because I'm sure you're sick of hearing what I am about to say) if you're like MOST people your age, you're too young to really know what you want from life, how you're going to get there, and how you will fit into your position in life once you find it. All that added together equals, you don't really know who you are yet. You will change at least in smalls way on this journey known as Life, and he probably doesn't want to deal with that.

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What Guys Said 13

  • He just wants sex, without the responsibilities that come with dating. In short - he wants a friend with benefits.

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  • You two are compatible sexually. He is happy with that. But when considering someone to date and get into a deeper relationship with, he wants someone who is nearer his age and has similar tastes and interests.

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  • His little head finds your body most perfect for self satisfaction, THE END
    Nothing else at risk is worth being with you openly
    work comes before you
    social issues before you
    other things before you
    age gap before you

    Get it?
    You can easily find a replacement to service your body at any bar within minutes.

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  • bruh, how dumb are you?

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  • because he just wants sex and doesn't want you as a person.
    in other words he is using you

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  • Well its true. You're old enough to sleep but young enough to date, for a 34 year old man.

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  • He is probably right. You aren't very mature and he doesn't want the burden.

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  • Perhaps your mind is too young but your body sure ain't.

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  • Basically he doesn't fancy the idea of telling his family and friends that "Hey! Here's my 21 year old girlfriend! Now judge me!".

    You're those slippers he likes to slip into when no one sees because damn it, they feel good and he likes them. But they're not something you wear in public.

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  • cause you let him use you like a rag doll

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  • he just thinks of you as a cum hole; you two are friends with benefits and few guys are ever going to date their cum sluts

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  • I think he just meant you were too young to be his public girlfriend , mean his guy friends and co-workers aren't likely dating 21 year olds and it be awkward to bring you around with them and such. at least that's my though I don't know

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What Girls Said 12

  • it means exactly what he said: you are old and good enough for sex, but for a serious relationship, he will be looking for an older woman.
    I suppose 13 years age difference is too much for him and he assumes that dating someone so much younger than him will not work out. You are at different places in your lifes probably. He will be ready to settle down soon and your adult life is only just starting. I have no idea how mentally mature you are, but obviously for him, not mature enough yet.

    I don't see how you could not understand that...

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  • He gets to have no strings attached sex with you so of course he's going to go for the chance to do it. But he doesn't want to actually make you his girlfriend and rather wants to find someone else.

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  • I think he just wants sex :/ I mean I had similar comments from my ex - I'm 25, he's 37 but it was jokes and laughing about it. We were very open about our relationship. If he's saying it seriously, he doesn't see you as someone he wants to date. He doesn't think you fit together, he may think you're too immature for him (his thoughts, not a comment on you), he may not think you have enough similar interests. There could be a lot of reasons behind his comments. He has what he wants now and that's sex. You can break it off with him if it's not enough for you.

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  • He does not see you as someone he could potentially be with for a long time, you are just something to pass time.

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  • Plain and some , he's using you. Cut ties with this adult fuck boy and save urself the heartbreak cutie. Ur a pink starburst, don't let anyone treat u like a yellow one.

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  • He's using you. Plain and simple. He gets to have sex without being tied down. You're a friend with benefits.

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  • You guys have a sexual relationship, and that's all it will be. As he prefers someone older relationship wise. If you don't like it then just move on, but if you want to have fun, have fun ;).

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  • I'm 19 and I'm sleeping with a 37 year old. It's just something that is a bit weird at first because of the age difference but it'll get better.

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  • If someone is too young for someone else to date then they probably shouldn't be sleeping with them.

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  • He doesn't want to date you, but wants sex with your young bod. He's laying it out there pretty plainly.

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  • It's exactly what you're thinking.
    Not someone he would date seriously or marry.

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  • Just using you

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