Help! 24 y/o boyfriend is unmotivated?

I need help. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years now. I'm 20 and he's 24. Until about a month ago we both have lived with our parents and he's worked odd jobs while I have been working and going to college full time. He's always been the movie watching, video game playing, rather stay at home kind of guy. I've always been the adventurous, constantly stay busy or go insane, and the uptight kind of girl. I've worked my whole life (well, since I was legally able to work) and happily. I WANTED to work and get out of the house as soon as I could.. I didn't have the best relationship with my mother, but he's the opposite. His mother has babied him and he's super close to his family. Anyways, we moved in together last month (February 8th) in an apartment. So, we signed a 12 month lease.. Ugh I'm kind of regretting it now because when I'm going to my college classes at 8:30am and work right after and not getting home until 9pm, he is sitting at home doing absolutely nothing.. WE HAVE BILLS TO PAY. He's had a couple interviews (thanks to me, I filled out all his apps and spent 2 hours on his resume) but won't follow up with them. I have worked at my most recent job for a year, but decided it wasn't paying enough to support us so I just got a really great job at at&t that I'm excited about. It's just, I'm taking the initiative to make things work and make something of myself and he's doing nothing. He's home all day and doesn't even help me clean or cook (I do that when I get home at 9pm) I'm just exhausted and can't keep doing this for a year. I wish he were more ambitious.. I love him but I am in a pickle. Any advice? Sorry this question was so long.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Wow, He doesn't sound right for you. He doesn't sound right for anyone. If you love him you really need to talk to him about this. Don't do anything for him, but make sure he does what he needs to do. It sucks, but you might need to supervise him. Instead of filling his apps for him, you should have sat him down and made him do it.
    This situation is not good at all. Something needs to be done. Right now he isn't a man, and that's unacceptable. You're basically his mom, but it's even worse than that. He honestly sounds like a complete burden. Do whatever you can to get him to do everything he can. Please.

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    • It is a burden. He's put it on me to pay $805 a month in bill, and that's NOT including groceries. I make $700 a month right now.. At my new job ill be making around $2,000-$3,000 a month (depending on sales), but still. I'm so stressed our about money it isn't even funny. Its like, if I am going to be paying for all of this myself I'd rather be by myself. And I feel like his mom, except his mom wouldn't be as hard on him as I am... She gives him money here and there because I won't pay for anything except bills and groceries.. He runs to her when he needs dip (tobacco) or a hair cut or whatever else he wants. I'm just curious right now. I tried bringing it up to him but we didn't get anywhere so I decided to lay down.. Hear him playing video games now..

    • Goddammit. This is stressing me the fuck out!

    • Tell me about it!

What Guys Said 3

  • Hmm sounds like he is depressed and unhappy himself. You sound like a great girl and honestly a lot of girls would have moved on but i commend you for sticking by him. Now it would probably take some sort of big shift for him because he honestly sounds stagnant.

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    • I know.. That's what I'm thinking. He's had some traumatic things happen these past few years (his dad passed away a couple years ago and his mom just finished her cancer treatments). Rough, I know. I feel like a total bitch putting him down in a way.. But we had serious conversation before making this big decision, moving in together.. He lost his job a few days before we signed our lease promising he'd get a job quickly but it's been over a month and he still isn't working.. I just feel like you would want the best for yourself.. And I try to encourage him all the time to apply everywhere and be confident. Nothing works. I don't know what to do at this point. And he stays up til 4 or 5 am.. Sleeps half the day away then does it again.. I don't know if he's just childish or what. Right now I'm laying down and I can hear him in the living room playing video games and watching Netflix.. Just like he doesn't care.

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    • ... well what did you expect to happen lol. He was just going to roll over and be like "okay sweety <3 "
      haha telling someone like they are a child is not how to win him back.
      I don't know why you are asking this question now when you should have been asking it a few months ago. ps im not on either of your sides, something to take into consideration.

    • look he doesn't seem like the kinda guy to chat, but you might as well try one more time. Have a worthwhile conversation with him regarding everything with the end result of you feeling as though the relationship is falling apart.

  • Lazy fuckin' bum.

    Tell him to get his ass to fucking Subway if he has to.

    No excuse for leaving the burden of financial responsibility on your partner (regardless of gender, I might add)

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  • Aaaah that almost sounds like me but I realized no lady wants a unmotivated man so Im studying server engineering. So anyway i would ask him what does he want to do with his life that's pretty much the only thing I could say, he needs to know that your not a (one man army) or talk to his mom. don't tell her straight you know you're sons lazy, sorta give her a signal and then she'll maybe understand. You know I no my mom doesn't want to see a lazy son. Good luck

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    • I've tried talking to him. Every bit helps.. Even a part time job and its not like he's in school or anything. I am a full time student and I have a full time job.. If I can do it at age 20 he can do it at age 24.. I love him but I'm growing up so I feel like he should too. :/ and his mom texts him and tells him places to apply and stuff. She got him a factory job that was 8 hours a day only 4 days a week and super easy.. He quit the second day.. No call, no show. I was FURIOUS. He's too damn picky. Be thinks he can start out with a $16/hour job but he doesn't understand you have to work up to that.. I was working a part time job making minimum wage + commission, but luckily I just got offered a really good job.. After hard work and proving that I can make sales.. I think that's his problem though. He doesn't really know what he wants to do..

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