I asked him to initiate contact and hangouts, now what?

I've been dating a guy for about a year. Things were awesome for about 6-7 months of our relationship, we appreciated each other, talked pretty often, had fun, etc. Yet, we began arguing a lot lately, and took a 2 week break. We are both unsure about us, yet we agreed to "be in the moment" together; we opted to not label it as dating or not dating (he was unsure), yet he wants to be exclusive (no dating or sleeping with others) while we continue hangout and figure this out. Yet, I realized that while I like this arrangement, I still feel unwanted and undesired by him because we fell into this pattern of me chasing him, I (95% of the time) initiated texts, calls, hangouts etc. So, when he drove me home from work recently, I asked about if we were hanging out Friday (I suggested it, but he had not gotten back to me about it), he said he had plans already. I said no worries. Yet, before I left, I said in a nice way, that it would make me happy if he dropped me a line when he wanted to talk or hangout, and initiated this. I am good with 50-50, but it has become 100-0, so I want to see if he even has the ability to ask or talk to me anymore. Yet, now, what is my next step? Do I wait until he talks to me or asks me to hangout? Knowing him, this could be upwards of 1-2 weeks. Is going essentially no contact what I should do here?


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What Guys Said 1

  • i take it he is about the same age as you are. so ill let you in a little secret guys usually are poor at communication and most of the time are thinking with the wrong head. he is having fun and when he is in the mood contacts you. if you are looking for someone who will be there for you a lot more then i have a feeling he isn't the one at this point.. maybe in a few years or something big happens. its almost like as soon as the relationship started getting real serious thats when the both of you started having problems. i just dont think he is ready for that yet at this stage in his life.

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    • He is 6 years older than me. I'm 19, he's 25. Is me not initiating contact a good thing or no? Was my vocalization clear enough about him needing to contact me; will he understand when I don't contact him that he needs to contact me from now on?

    • for some reason i dont think he is serious about the relationship or you. i would start think about brakeing contact and moving on to someone who will try in a relationship

What Girls Said 2

  • If I were you I'd just talk to him once and for all and say that you're not going to make this work if you are the only one doing the effort. I really think this is just very "playing games" too me. It's almost like he just assumes you'll be there waiting for him while he's doing nothing to help the situation from his side. If you are on a break you talk and try to fix things, not drive a further wedge between you two. So I'd really just ask him what's up and have a serious conversation about where it's going and who is the one more into this than the other.

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  • I would ask him to meet up or the next time you see him, have a serious conversation about this. You are not really giving him an ultimatum because those are scary for men. You simply tell him how you feel about the whole thing and ask him if he is interested you , because you dont see or feel it anymore. If he continues further after this chat then you are free to move on.

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