Have you ever given up?

Have you ever reached a point where you've been hurt so much or had too many flirtations/relationships end badly that you just don't want to try anymore? Has the idea of getting to know someone new ever felt like it's just too much work and you've decided you're meant to be alone?
How did you handle it? What was the outcome? How long did it last? Are you there now?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yes.
    Yes.
    Yes.

    I learned how to be alone. Keeping occupied with various forms of entertainment, fiction, and games.

    The outcome of what? Mmm. I consciously decided that it's too much work for too little benefit. I also determined that humans aren't naturally suited to monogamous relationships, and that 90% of the time they end or are a fight to maintain. I--I feel--accepted reality as it is as opposed to what I want it to be. Something I need to do with other areas of life, as well. But it is painful to do. I state all the negatives and weigh them against the positives of being in a relationship. The scales were uneven, so it's not worth doing, for me.

    How long did it last. Going on year 7. I caved a few years ago, because a ridiculously hot model was interested in me. Turns out she was just trying to prove that she could make me want her to other girls who swore that I wouldn't go out with anyone. Pretty hard blow, really. Embarrassing to the limit. I deluded myself that I could help her somehow as the reasoning I was accepting her advances. But it was just a delusion. You could call that the final nail in the coffin. Yep. She really got me good. There were other girls, but I was able to ignore them mostly.

    Yeah, I'm there. Sometimes I have cravings. Like when I'm falling asleep, I'll imagine my ex sleeping next to me, and it hurts. Then I remember how hot it got sleeping next to someone. Then I fall asleep. They're just cravings. They go away just like any other.

    The neutral road... Something my childhood friend said to me once. "I try to take the neutral road instead of the roller coaster." That's what I'll do now. The ups and downs aren't worth it. People desperately seek happiness in the West, so much so that it borders on hypomania. "I don't care if it drives me fucking insane, I really really want to be happy." Na. Contentedness is much more stable. And I have that well enough. That's all I need.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes, so much yes.

    The idea of getting to know someone new and "starting over" sounds exhausting; it does. But I got myself back into the dating game because why the hell not? I realized, what do I've got to lose? So I've been dating again after 2 year of being single and broken up out of my last relationship. I mean, I'm still single but I'm having fun with it. I had to convince myself that people are hurt every day; it's not just me (or in your case, you.). I can go on 10 dates and 1/10 of those at least had to have some potential. I think it all comes down to instead of dwelling on the past and being afraid you'll get hurt again, just have fun. Date a few guys at once, find what works and what doesn't. Who knows, maybe one of them will be "the one" :)

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What Guys Said 18

  • No...

    My first wife cheated on me more times than I even know about.
    She abandoned me an our son.
    She even worked as a prostitute for a while.
    She asked to come back all sins forgiven provided we could have an open marriage so she could fuck people who were not me.

    I divorced her.
    I got custody of our son.
    I joined eHarmony the week my divorce became final.
    Seven months later I was matched with a lovely woman.
    In June we will have been married for 10 happy years.

    Don't put up with bad situations just to have a relationship.
    Don't shy away from relationships because you have been burned in the past.

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  • Never have I got to that point.. but just like anyone else there are days that come around at times and I have not known the path to follow and have not know where to or.. how to turn it around... but when you look at the big picture there is always a way out and giving up is not one of them.

    For example back when I had my bad fall.. I thought long and hard everyday as how my life would maybe change because I now had to wear diapers and rubber pants daily and things would now be so different.. well I decided that because I wore diapers.. this was not going to stop me from doing anything or being who I was before

    And the one thing that I thought would be so effected by wearing them was my dating life as I just love a women's company.. but all the way from my first diaper date.. and it did take me a while to say to myself... just get back out there and try.. well from that first date and all the ones that have followed not once have I been dumped by a women because I wear diapers.. it has worked out way better then I ever thought it ever could.. I am happy and all my dates are happy and that is what counts the most

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  • Yes, but phrasing it as "giving up" is a mistake. You become a prisoner of your own language games and begin to live the life of a quitter. That's now what's really occurring.

    If you get hit hard, you react. You feel pain, and you crumble. Reacting the same way anyone else would in your shoes does not equate to you being a failure and giving up. All you need is time, and with time you will recover and come back stronger and with broader perspective in life.

    Giving up is a toxic attitude. It means you refuse to bounce back and give yourself a chance at success.

    Take a knee, think about life. Think about your goals and how you plan on achieving them. Pain is a temporary distraction from the end goal, so don't hang yourself up on it.

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  • Well, I have always been single, I have never had a relationship, I have never had friendships also. I have never even tried to approach a woman, and yes I do believe in love/true love, but I never want to be in love ( by choice/decision).

    Hence I have given up, even without trying!!.

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  • Hahaha... I have had some girls flirt but not many. In regards to getting to know someone taking to much energy, not really. When I was dating... I always look at getting to know someone knew as just a casual thing... I wouldn't get my hopes up or anything and just tried to enjoy going out with the person and socializing.

    I have never had a problem with being alone. If you can't stand being alone and being able to do the things that you like being alone, then you are a person that relies on other people to be who you are. I enjoy having time to myself as does my girlfriend.

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  • u just got to try harder... sucks but reach down and grab ur balls... er ovaries and woman up :)

    still there ;) but dont stop me from trying. ya it seems pointless half the time. look at the world, the country. half the kids now adays. shit the people our age. i get along better with college kids 16-19 im not even joking... and thats sad. and yes i said 16-19 in college. i dont know what the hell is wrong with the dam world anymore, I've done my part and it looks like it keeps asking me for more. but its all u can do really. and unlike some people... as unhappy as i would be about some of these young kids, i have been happy with some of them so i can't hate on age to a period, some are ok. and i dont know if it is the same time period but its be the past 10 years... im sure u are aware of what has been going on in the past 10 years. hopefully our luck gets better here starting in 2017.

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  • Nice guys have the opposite: we hurt from lack of love or even a chance at heartbreak. We get to know a lot of women knowing it will never go anywhere. These guys then get told by women to shut up, stop being a victim/cry baby and man up. I suggest you do the same, but I feel your pain and wouldn't say that, rather go see a psychologist and get some positivity.

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  • Yep and I'm here now. I like myself and am happy being single (in some ways more so). Do I get lonely sometimes and wish someone was in my life, sure, but it passes lol. If I ever meet "the one" fine but I don't look anymore.

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  • well i have basically given up on ever finding a girl i truly love and that loves me back the same way.

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  • I'll admit I felt like that for a year or two after an engagement that went sour. Family and friends I even stopped hanging around and even did some traveling to 'find myself'. After that I realised why it all went bad and made improvements to myself along the way. Now I'm over it and I feel a lot better so I know how it feels to be totally down and helpless but I also know how it feels to overcome it.

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  • If the same thing keeps happening to me no matter what it is there comes a point when I start looking at myself and thinking, you're fucking up somewhere pal. It's arrogant to think we're infallible.

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  • Lol of course! just recently too, best decision i have ever made.

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  • Yeah, I just don't try anymore... 5th consecutive failure... that was it for me.

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  • yeah i have but not because of flirtations or relationships but because of my life

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  • No, I won't reach that point. Life isn't worth living if you give up. You can either accept the absurdity of life, or you can give up.

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  • Yes I wanted to badly to give up. So I took a break from dating and I just became freinds with women for a while. Honestly it really helped me to just be freinds with women. Hope can only be restored by an outside influence.

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What Girls Said 8

  • Yes. Because trying again would allow for the things to hurt me arise when that time came. It's not that I don't want to try. I don't want to sign up for a heart break and turmoil. But you have to accept the good with the bad. It's just taking that risk for someone you want to be with. They need to be worth it for me, or I wouldn't fight for them.

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  • I'm there now. I think my ex ruined me for all other relationships. I fought tooth and nail trying to make it work and struggled so much fighting for what was already lost. So yes, I gave up because he stopped trying too.

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    • Plus I think I'm better off and happier being out of a relationship or I just haven't found the right one. Either way, I don't even want to try, that's what's scary but also freeing at the same time. And I feel good knowing I'm not lonely.

    • I'm just kind of bored and I'm afraid if I put myself out there in building relationships then guys will take it the wrong way and try to invite themselves in my bed. And, I don't want that.

    • Friendships I mean on my last post, not relationships

  • For me it's when is enough enough? and how can i move away/on and actually go through with that. Do i stay and try make things work or do i just give up because it just hurts too much. So yes i am there now :(

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  • I'm there now. I accept it and I don't care

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  • I haven't "given up". I'm just disinterested in relationships.

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  • If I did, I wouldn't be here right now.

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  • I I gave up already many many years ago as I im the unluckiest girl ever when it comes to the date and love department. My destiny is to be single and never experience what other normal ladies experience, what is to hang out or even date a guy. Im not young anymore so it is super more difficult anb I being negative because I dontthink I will ever found someone for me I given up already I dont look to meet guys anymore or even hang out with some ladies friends. Now I stay home and watch tv I dont hang out on weekends since many years ago. I giev up. Meeeting guys was not meant for me, for otherwomen yes but not for me.

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  • 2 and a half years. Went from casual athletic outgoing girl with friends and close family etc, to loss of entire self concept, Lack of emotions, no empathy, no friends, no need or care to befriend anyone, social anxiety, porn addiction, alcohol abuse, paranoia, delusive thoughts, low self esteem.. i could go on..

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