Have you ever reached a point where you've been hurt so much or had too many flirtations/relationships end badly that you just don't want to try anymore? Has the idea of getting to know someone new ever felt like it's just too much work and you've decided you're meant to be alone?
How did you handle it? What was the outcome? How long did it last? Are you there now?
Most Helpful Guy
I learned how to be alone. Keeping occupied with various forms of entertainment, fiction, and games.
The outcome of what? Mmm. I consciously decided that it's too much work for too little benefit. I also determined that humans aren't naturally suited to monogamous relationships, and that 90% of the time they end or are a fight to maintain. I--I feel--accepted reality as it is as opposed to what I want it to be. Something I need to do with other areas of life, as well. But it is painful to do. I state all the negatives and weigh them against the positives of being in a relationship. The scales were uneven, so it's not worth doing, for me.
How long did it last. Going on year 7. I caved a few years ago, because a ridiculously hot model was interested in me. Turns out she was just trying to prove that she could make me want her to other girls who swore that I wouldn't go out with anyone. Pretty hard blow, really. Embarrassing to the limit. I deluded myself that I could help her somehow as the reasoning I was accepting her advances. But it was just a delusion. You could call that the final nail in the coffin. Yep. She really got me good. There were other girls, but I was able to ignore them mostly.
Yeah, I'm there. Sometimes I have cravings. Like when I'm falling asleep, I'll imagine my ex sleeping next to me, and it hurts. Then I remember how hot it got sleeping next to someone. Then I fall asleep. They're just cravings. They go away just like any other.
The neutral road... Something my childhood friend said to me once. "I try to take the neutral road instead of the roller coaster." That's what I'll do now. The ups and downs aren't worth it. People desperately seek happiness in the West, so much so that it borders on hypomania. "I don't care if it drives me fucking insane, I really really want to be happy." Na. Contentedness is much more stable. And I have that well enough. That's all I need.2
Most Helpful Girl
Yes, so much yes.
The idea of getting to know someone new and "starting over" sounds exhausting; it does. But I got myself back into the dating game because why the hell not? I realized, what do I've got to lose? So I've been dating again after 2 year of being single and broken up out of my last relationship. I mean, I'm still single but I'm having fun with it. I had to convince myself that people are hurt every day; it's not just me (or in your case, you.). I can go on 10 dates and 1/10 of those at least had to have some potential. I think it all comes down to instead of dwelling on the past and being afraid you'll get hurt again, just have fun. Date a few guys at once, find what works and what doesn't. Who knows, maybe one of them will be "the one" :)1