What would you do if a girl you really liked was kinda chubby?

So I like this girl, she likes me. But she's just carrying a bit more weight than im comfortable with as im a fairly lean and sporty guy. Has anyone had this situation before and what did you do? I would feel really bad asking someone to try lose some weight as its their body. Has anyone ever lost weight for their gf/bf?

Updates:
Ok before anyone else gets in a tizzy, I don't expect anyone to lose weight for me, its all hypothetical atm. That said, I would think most people would want to be in good shape, feel better FOR THEMSELVES, have more energy etc. I still really like this girl.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • if you like her maybe you like her body, too. or will at least learn to like it.

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    • maybe you can have a workout date? go to the park, lift weights together, etc. maybe not on the first date, but when you guys start to get in there it could be a thing and you never have to tell her how you feel about her body. ;)

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    • good luck! Hope everything turns out good for you ^_^

    • thanks, me too!

What Girls Said 14

  • First off, you can't ask someone to lose weight for you. That's just mean. How would you feel if she said you didn't have enough muscle or you didn't dress the way she liked or your friends sucked?

    Women are human beings, even if they are fat, they still deserve respect. It's disrespectful to assume someone should be and will be willing to lose weight just to be more attractive to you.

    People also come in all sorts of different shapes and sizes.

    in my opinion you could try dating her, but try to have an open mind. I feel a great deal of dating is problematic bc people are too set in their "ideals" that they overlook someone who is perfectly lovely. Maybe you will find her attractive when you start to get to know her more?

    However, if you know for a fact you can't possibly find someone like her attractive then maybe you need to find someone else.

    Bodies change over time. And she could quite possibly lose weight for you, but what if she doesn't? Or what if she gets pregnant and her body changes? Are you still going to love her and want to be with her?

    The physical is only a part of the whole human being. And it's disrespectful for you to ask her to change just so that you can find her attractive. If you want someone who is physically fit and fitness is a huge part of their life, then find someone like that.

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    • I do find her very attractive and really enjoy our interactions. Her being a women is irrelevant to my question. I respect both genders the same, irrespective of their weight. But for a partner, I would generally prefer someone who is healthy and happy, they don't have to be super slim.

    • Thing is though, she could be perfectly healthy as she is. There are plenty of people who are skinny who have health problems too. Weight isn't necessarily a good indicator of health. She may be very happy where she is at. Or she may not. It's really up to her. The best thing is to not point it out to her and try to get her to change. She should come up with that on her own if that's what she wants.

    • Or she could be on her way to getting heart disease, diabetes etc. I didn't say I wanted skinny, average is fine, overweight less so.

  • How chubby is this girl? I wouldn't ask them to lose weight, but instead inspire them to have better lifestyle choices like eating healthier and exercising more. Maybe you can plan things together that revolve around physical activity like hiking, swimming etc. If it's really important to you, then I would say it could be a deal breaker because most people just get fatter with time even if you're lean and fit now.

    Also I'm curious how chubby this girl is because this makes me a bit insecure. I've struggled with my weight my whole life, and have lost a lot of weight, but in the back of my head I always worry if men think I'm fat. I wonder if a guy thinks I'm pretty, but I'm still chubby... I also have body dysmorphia. I'm 5'5 125 pounds, so not overweight or anything, but I look at a lot of high fashion models, so I feel chubby and stubby by my own standards.

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    • I would guess 155-165 pounds and she's 5'7 and I'm about 165 myself and 5'10. I actually put on some weight after surgery as I couldn't run for 3-4 months. Physical activities such as those you mentioned is good, but it needs to be more than just casual exercise, it needs real effort and committment to change.

      As for yourself, you have nothing to worry about 125 pounds is quite slim really. If other guys are like me, then they like a little bit of muscle tone too so I'm sure you would attract guys from all over.

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    • Thanks I agree. I hate how some people think thats disrespectful of me to have standards. I work hard to keep in good shape, running and tennis 5 or 6 days a week. It's not my fault they became overweight and I have to tread on eggshells so as to not offend them. If they are iffended by it, they should make steps to fix it. I saw from fb she used to be ok, but she has a really obese friend so maybe they are a bad influence on here. Just guessing here. On her dating profile she said she was average but is clearly past that so I don't think im in the wrong here.

    • People are upset because they're overweight themselves. I don't even bother with not trying to offend them anymore, they should know the truth because it could kill them. Yeah I don't do online dating, but when I was on it I put my body type as average, so I guess I was put with all the fatties LOL! Keep your standards high for yourself and for your partner. People with low standards find themselves in a relationship more easily and more often, but they will never truly be happy.

  • If today's society didn't scrutinize body image's y'all wouldn't have a problem with dating or marrying bigger or skinnier or whatever it may be. I've lost weight once to prove a point and then gained it all back to prove that same point... You're dating me not the scale. Hoe don't you know this chick love's herself (body) contrary to belief you have some who do. If your so worried about it just leave the girl be and let her find someone who will appreciate all of her as she is, simple. There are those who have fairly fit bodies and are dating someone who doesn't not. It's not rare nor that common, but some people don't give a shhh. If you really did like her as you say her gut/roll's wouldn't be detrimental to her character.

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  • You shouldn't ask her right out to lose weight but you could ask her to go to the gym with you & if she does lose wait she might be motivated to lose more.

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    • Thanks, I actually asked her if she's gone before cause I haven't really and am curious if its worth the cost.

    • I know when I started working out u definitely felt better and saw results & I was excited & even more motivated. Good luck & you're welcome!

    • thanks, yeah I've only used one short term at a physio for like a month when sorting out a shoulder injury but I loved going there doing my routine. I went maybe 2-3 times a week.

  • If you see her weight as a problem, you don't like her all that much. I'm not being snarky, it's true.

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    • You're not being snarky no, you're voicing your opinion. But you can't tell if I like her or not.

  • Move on and find yourself someone else.
    What if she asked you to change your job because of her or stop seeing your friends. This is just plain selfish. If you are not attracted to her and accept her the way she is right now, you don't deserve to be with her... Good luck!

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    • I said i would feel bad asking her, not that i would. And i actually find her really pretty, i love her face and long wavy hair, and our conversations. I just wonder what to do

  • Decide whether you can accept her for who she is or not and go from there. If you can, then start something with her. If you can't, move on and let her go. You can't ask someone to lose weight of you, that's not right.

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    • Is it because of the perceived attack on her body, because its very personal? What if she was keen to lose weight, be more active etc. Is there a way i could suggest it if she wanted to improve that aspect of her life?

  • Buy her a fruit basket and scowl at her whenever she eats chocolate.

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    • Haha I actually love fruit and eat it heaps so it'd disappear too soon for her to have some.

  • Then you really don't like her as you said. You been jugmental about her weight. When you like someone you like them the way they are, without conditions. Asking her to loose weight to make you feel better is selfish. If you don't like how she looks then leave her alone and find someone who will fits your standards of the perfect girl, simple.

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  • First of all, try not to be a judgmental prick. Try to encourage her to do fun and active things with you. That way, she'll be working out, but won't realize it. Win win situation

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    • I wasn't being a judgmental prick. Me being uncomfortable with her is about me being a slim guy as much as it is her being large. Its relative. Not liking someone for being a smoker doesn't make you a prick, it makes you smart for valuing health. Same here.

    • I'd like to apologize for jumping to conclusions. However, my advice still stands. Try to do fun things that are active so that it doesn't feel like working out. Best wishes! :)

    • thanks, not many people on here would do that. Its sound advice so maybe that helps :)

  • My boyfriend put me down so bad I gained 5 pounds.. I was 125 by the end I was 133.

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    • For weight? Well if that happened to her I wouldn't want to be with her if she's badly influenced by others opinions. The only persons judgement that matters is your own

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    • He was. . It put me through so much depression and self esteem issues. I dumped him and I went down to 120 lol. Still at the same weight but much happier.

    • Glad you did, hope things are better now :)

  • Since Spring is almost here, ask her to go out for a walk. It is a good initiator.

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    • It's Autumn where I am. Season shouldn't influence exercise habits anyway.

  • lol, why even date her.. just find someone else.

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    • Because I still really like her. Plus I've had social anxiety and depression and almost everyone judges me negatively on that so won't date me. Given I'm 27 it would be nice to have a girlfriend at some point and this girl really likes me and doesn't seem to care that I haven't had a relationship before.

  • I gained 16lb when I was pregnant with my daughter, and after she was born, I just wanted to lose that as fast as I could, Partly because I wanted to feel more like myself and be in shape again, but it was it was also partly because I still wanted the guy I was involved with at the time to be attracted to me ( we weren't together, we were friend with benefits) That was a confidence thing aswell. If you're not so confident in bed with someone, or naked around them, your sex life isn't going to be as good as it can be.

    Having said that, this girl you like might be the most confident, comfortable girl in the world, and when you start seeing that more and more, that will be the most attractive thing about her. Give her a chance.

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    • Yeah I do really like her vibrant personality and her face alone turns me on haha. But if its early days, suggesting to her she's a bit chubby probably won't go down well. I just value health highly and get angry when i see really fat people walking around that dont care for their bodies

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    • I guess im just wondering if there's a way to tell her without upsetting her cause otherwise i really like her

    • There is no "nice" way to call a woman "fat" without hurting her... and even if she did take it on board, she wouldn't get with you after that :/

What Guys Said 7

  • Lots of girls will probably attack you here and call you names. BC that's how lots of them are, sensitive lol haven't even looked at the comments yet so maybe not guess we'll see.
    But if you aren't very attracted to her, why settle? Why waste time? If she isn't your type and you're an attractive guy move on and find that girl that will be happy with you.

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    • Shit man you're spot on. This was all hypothetical. This isn't about me being some guy that just wants a hot chick with a sexy slim body to bang. I want a girlfriend that'll last. I just want a girl in half decent shape, cause otherwise she's pretty cool. She has a very pretty face so its not like i think she's butt ugly. I do like her a lot.

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    • @Afro-dite9 Then obviously I friendzone her hahaha! Ok jokes aside I have certain standards, and if someone isn't willing to look after themselves I'll keep searching depending on how overweight she is.

    • Smh well you do what you feel you must #VulcanSalute

  • Just date her make her happy and like her body and get her to eat healthy and excersise and watch her change go for walks together. Call her beautiful etc. The more she accepts herself the sooner she will excersise and the less chubby or over weight she will be.

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    • Yeah i was thinking maybe i could ask her to go running with me to help rehab my leg from surgery to keep me going and that maybe it could become a routine. If she started losing weight and feeling better surely she would want to keep going

    • That sounds like a good idea. You could eventually challenge her to race running once your leg is doing better.

  • Just tell her "babe, i would love to see u running naked on a treadmill... u will look so sexy sweating"... u will tell indirectly that u want her to lose weight and at the same time... that u love her.

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    • Haha thats funny. That could actually work it makes light of the situation. Yet she might get the hint.

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    • Did you ever bring up her weight in other ways? I don't know this girl that well yet so its all hypothetical atm. I just dont want to get into a relationship with her then bring it up later

    • Bro.. always use humor and tell her that u love her indirectly...
      maybe if she is wearing a jeans u could say "baby, ur legs will look so sexy if start running"
      u see my point? always make her feel loved and say ur point in humor.

  • If you really like her that shouldn't matter. Maybe if she sees you being active and working out maybe she'll want to join you. But I wouldn't straight up ask someone to lose weight.

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  • well I really like her so I wouldn't care if she was kinda chubby because I really like her, right?

    hypothetically, I wouldn't do shit because I "really like her"

    maybe my expression of "really like her" is different to yours.

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  • Yaaa my friend is really into me but i jst can't she's pretty n all but she's a little to big ;/
    i feel bad she told me looks aren't the knly thing that matter n its true she's so sweet n it literrally made me sad wen she told me that Dx

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    • Maybe u can help her get in shape?
      Swimming running.. id help my friend but she lives like 3 hrs away

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    • Its not our fault... we need to b attracted to thm... tvey should try a little harder n work out...

    • You don't even really need to work out, just maintain a bit of regular exercise and don't eat heaps of crap.

  • I go with is she in good enough shape to go outdoors with me, I enjoy hiking backpacking and camping so as long as you can keep up its okay. I know some bigger girls that will go way way longer then the skinny girl.

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    • Well its mainly that I'm not comfortable being with a girl that's larger than me, though you make a valid point. Not all who are overweight are unfit.

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