Why am I never good enough :(?

I just don't get it. All the guys I date tell me I'm beautiful and smart and sweet and you know what I believe them. And yet they never seem to really want me. All I do is offer love and affection and all I get in return is lied to and ignored over and over again. It just hurts me so badly realizing again that when I'm the one texting first and having to strong arm the guy into seeing me it's because he doesn't want me.

It's like I don't even know what I'm doing wrong. I genuinely want to know what's so wrong with me so I can fix it. Why would a guy ask me to "be his" then just disappear? I'm tired of crying over another guy who doesn't love me back. How can you make a guy see you as a relationship girl not just a sex girl?

Updates:
Everyones telling me play hard to get and ugh it's so frustrating.. why do people have to "play" anything in relationships? I'm just really honest with my feelings. If I care I say so. I hate that we have to play games to achieve intimacy

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Most Helpful Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Ok, so, I'm gna give you some advice that's basically the opposite of what everyone else is going to say.
    Basically, I think you need to put LESS stock in yourself, up front, and be more skeptical of what dudes are throwin' at ya.

    In general, I took the Groucho Marx approach to these kinds of things: "I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member."

    I mean, srsly... back in the day, if some dude started telling me how I was so "beautiful and smart and sweet", I would react in 2 principal ways:
    1) I'd immediately mistrust him,
    2) subconsciously, I'd respect him LESS.
    Yep #2.
    Basically, there was a voice inside me, saying, "well, if **I** am this dude's idea of beautiful and smart and sweet, then, this dude's got some seriously low standards tho."
    LOL

    I mean, basically, everything has 2 sides, right?
    This is the same attitude that's led me to constant self-improvement in just about every area of my life. I tend to phrase it more constructively, like this, most of the time:
    cdn-media-2.lifehack.org/.../...he-wrong-room..jpg

    But, it's basically the same thing.

    In my case, those were VERY strong reactions. If some dude came onto me with shit like that, I'd actually get a bit nauseated -- literally. I swears to ya.

    Instead, I liked what I still like now, which is a CHALLENGE. Verbal sparring, little games, trying to one-up each other (in a good-natured but competitive way -- NOT a spiteful way).
    I mean, I swear I'm the most submissive female that God ever manufactured in His North American facility... but, that doesn't come out until you break me, basically. Until you beat me at mah own game.
    Same with the affection and all that.

    I'd suggest a little more healthy skepticism, a little more self-effacing aversion to "any club that'd have you as a member", and a LOT more fun little competition.

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What Guys Said 31

  • You've got it backwards, you have a high quality problem. You're too good and seem too perfect because you're doing everything right. Try holding back some of that talent and make a guy work harder to get you to treat him better, not saying treat him bad just be a little toned down version of yourself. I think you're trying too hard, do yourself a favor and relax let the guy chase you a bit. Guys naturally want to win you and to be the hero, it's a challenge to overcome, when you appear too desperate for love, and are too easy to win, human nature states that your will be taken advantage of and taken for granted. Play hard to get but not impossible. Make sure a guy meets your criteria of what a great guy should be and accept no less, reward positive traits and softly correct the negative ones and you'll end up with the one that's right for you. If it were me I'd date you in a heartbeat and give you all the feel good emotions you could handle. I know personally what it's like to be taken for granted and unappreciated so I stopped being the nice guy and became Mr. Holy S%$#!! I'm still a great guy, just a bit more edgier than before and high expectations for how I'm treated and accept no abuse or mistreatment. I'm confident in knowing I have too many options.

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    • limit every thing!! your love , affection, every thing!!

      love is the place that we market over self... please go and study how to market yourself...

      don't gave any thing free!!!

      let them earn from you..

      humans will change at any moment... forecast the possible worst thing..

      then enjoy the magic of love

  • I honestly don't like these questions, nothing against you or anyone who felt this way, hell it has often crossed my mind but I feel the essence of the question is what do I have to change to get in a relationship? - In my view, you change for no one but yourself and only if you want to.
    Let's flip it around a bit - Guys want to date you and get physical, that's all - That says a whole lot more about them than you - Either they are too shallow to get to know you, don't have the emotional maturity to get into a relationship or maybe they are incapable of having grown up intellectual/emotional interaction - If you think about it they are not that great.
    You should wait for someone WHO IS GOOD ENOUGH for you not a little horny boy but a man capable of respecting women, communicating with women on all levels, connecting with your personality and life. In fact to waste your intimate feelings on anyone less would be doing yourself down.
    Here is a picture for you
    s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/.../...a9d17b600b.jpg

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  • I think you will find its the sort of guy you go for.
    Your very attractive and obviously smart. So I can only guess it's them immature and bad guys/ players.
    What's happening now is your confidence is getting knocked so your starting to expect it. Your young and still have plenty of time to find a guy that respects you as well as wants you.
    Good luck and chin up.😃

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  • This advice applies to all "pretty girls" who suffer from being physically used and emotionally deprived.

    Stop giving sex so easily. Have some self control and set limits. Hold out for a few months and see how serious he is. If your goal is finding love, then this is easy. You can spot fake attraction very easily by holding out on sex.

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  • I've been in your position way too many times (as a guy). I can only give you one piece of advice, okay there are a few:

    1. Never give up
    2. (continue) To be yourself. I know it sounds cliché but it's true. Say what you mean, say what you really feel like expressing. Don't hold back. You're you. Remember that you already have had many experiences in life. This is just another. Don't let a guy interrupt your feelings and thoughts.
    3. You're a soul, you have a body: make it clear that your body is only something you take care of and that you have. Make it clear that you are a soul with feelings and that you're not putting them aside.
    4. Don't overthink. Overthinking will make you crazy (in the unhealthy way). Think about only about what you WANT to think about. When it comes to relationships and to other things, think, but don't ever overthink. Try to feel more, and also, express those feelings how and when you WANT to.
    5. There's no such thing as "wrong" in reality. If there's something you want to express at a given moment, express it. If it has a bad result in the next moment, then there's no need to say sorry, because you shouldn't appologize for the "a moment ago you".
    6. Law of attraction is what rules the world, the person, life and the universe. Read these articles to get more light on the subject.

    thespiritscience.net/.../

    www.spiritscienceandmetaphysics.com/.../

    www.collective-evolution.com/.../

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  • The fact you're a cam girl could play a role.

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    • Not in this case

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    • Well with one of them undoubtedly. But I would say for most not so much. But then I could be wrong. I'm definitely an open person and it can be to a fault.

      The way this particular guy said it was very much non generic. We've had some intense moments. But he probably doesn't even remember them like I do..

    • I don't know whats the problem then :/

  • Nah, dont listen to those people telling u to play hard to get or play any games at all. Thats the reason relationships become complicated in the first place.
    If people were upfront about what they wanted and how they felt, things would be a lot easier, but most people are weak and desperate so they rely on playing games to get what they think they want.

    Guys that disappear were never there in the first place, fuk em and start looking for someone who doesn't play games at all. If these guys are only seeing you for sex and not as a person or for a relationship then you ''need'' someone more mature.

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  • Maybe the issue is something with you (and it sounds like that's what you're looking for), or maybe the issue is that you're picking the wrong guys (and it's not clear you're looking for that).

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  • i have its the type of guys you are going for. at your age the one you want is the one who doesn't chase you like you are the last girl on earth. if you look around you will notice the same guy all ways looking at you from a fare. he is the one i would try to get to know better.

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  • Mmm. Now you know what it's like to be a guy.

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  • Expect more, and leave if you're not getting it. You don't need to play games, you don't need to hold back, you just need to move on if it's not someone who gives as much back to you.

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  • Life's unfair. You should consider yourself lucky that at least guys aren't as shallow as girls. There are dozens of guys who have never even been liked by girls in their lives. Including me and I'm nearly 30. Girls tend to usually just go for guys who already have dozens of girls giving them attention. Because of this, the guys tend to be the choosers and many times this leads to girls either having their hearts broken or get completely used.

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  • We're a bunch of online strangers. How would we know?

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  • I mean just going off what you said in reponses, it sounds like a particular one of these cases the person is like 35. That's a very big age difference and that might be the exact issue? By the time I'm 30 I'm pretty sure I won't be able to fall in love with 20-year-olds, they're already starting to seem like kids to me and I'm only 25.

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  • You offer too much love and they might take you for granted.
    Or
    Some people are really judgmental and once they know you're a camgirl they see you differently. A lot of guys wouldn't be able to handle their partner in that line of work.

    You just have to find someone who's on your level.

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    • After I posted this I finally sent him a text saying how I feel and we had a kinda breakthrough I think. I was so upset and everything looks worse in the dark

    • mmm, you can message me about it if you want. :|

  • What's so good about being in a relationship. Maybe your need to look for a friends with benefits over a boyfriend. Emotional connections are more satisfying than physical for sure but is it worth it dealing with another humans flaws and problems. Well to each their own. Just treat it like the dudes. Fuck them and ignore after.

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  • Where do you meet these guys, how do you meet these guys? If there's a repeated pattern then you're probably subconsciously looking for these types of men. It's most likely nothing about you it's simply who the guy always was.

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  • Aren't you the girl that only dates guys who are 30+. Maybe they are so far ahead in life they would rather be with someone who is in the same phase of life with them.

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    • It that's true then yeah that's quite possible.

    • I honestly don't think I could fall in love with anyone who is under 20, and 20 would be a stretch even if I'm fond of them and like spending time together.

  • well may be they just want you physically not mentally, when you are just giving mental pleasure that's not enough r they don't want it. When they see that you are not going to be going for physical with them, they are jus leaving you.

    May be you should give sometime and understand people before you start feeling for them or just falling for them. It's better you know them completely and start caring for them, not until then.

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  • I'm having this problem with girls. None of them seem to want me, but I still hope that one day I find one that genuinely wants me. Maybe you're talking to the wrong guys? Not all of us just want to have sex all the time. We also want to someone to shower with love and affection

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  • You know I saw another one of your posts and wanted to ask if your screen name had any meaning. I should have cause it does. You are gorgeous in your profile pic.
    Are you dating the same type of guy over and over? There are a lot of different types of guys out there. If you don't go outside your comfort zone you will most likely get the same results over and over?

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  • Sounds like you are dating boys instead of men. Try someone closer to or over 30.

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  • I have no idea, but dont change yourself. I mean playing hard to get and playing games is just another layer of bullshit. You're not in the wrong, they are, and you're not the one who needs to change.

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  • Seems you alway get the wrong guys who only want sex! Much men are searching only for girls to have sex, only for their own fun, but they fear a relationship. Time will come you will find the right one, also change the places where you do search, mean not in a Bar. Keep always your eyes open!!

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  • Don't play games it never ends well. There is no short cut it will just take time.

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  • Because you suck. Stop sucking. Get on the level of your competition. Observe them, learn from them, beat them at their own game. Use witchcraft if you have to or murder.

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    • This made me smile xD

  • you know exactly why :/

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  • Sorry about your guy problems cuz you are GORGEOUS

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  • have u ever tried to be in a relationship without sex?
    just something to think about

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  • U look beautiful im sure ur good enuff

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What Girls Said 3

  • Guys are douche bags. Basically all of them are until they are at least 35-40. They don't care about you. They only want you until a "better offer" comes along If you are good looking, guys will see you as a sex girl. All you can really do is just confront the guy and explain that you don't want to be with him unless he sees you as an actual person with feelings.

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    • The one I'm talking about is in that age range :( and he still sees it like that. And he either ignores me or brushes it off when i say tho things

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    • @Dandeus the last guy was 21 and it was basically the same thing

    • there are douches at every age. but there are also plenty of guys legitimately interested in girls your age who are age appropriate for you.

  • I wonder where you'd meet them from? They sound like playas.

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  • Sometimes, it's not bad to play a little bit hard to get. Don't text first. Don't offer too much love and affection too soon. Let them feel like they still need to put some work in to gain and keep your love.

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    • That's what I told her. Use the Law of scarcity to her advantage. People want what they can not have immediately. Commitment first sex later. It's not that hard.

    • @raio81597 unless you don't want anything serious either of course.

    • @Anonymous I agree if that's what someone wants. I however take relationships seriously, don't do one night stands, and have turned down many women that wanted it or did not meet my standards. I always place a great deal of value on what I bring to the table in a relationship, if a woman wants commitment from me she has to demonstrate that she will value it, be appreciative of it and not take me for granted.

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