What do you think of people who are over 18 and have never been romantically or sexually involved with anyone before?

What do you think of people who are 18+ and have never had any romantic or sexual relations towards anyone? What do you think is the reason they haven't yet had any experience?

As for those who are over 18 who are in this situation, what are your reasons?

I'm 21 and have never even romantically held hands or romantically hugged a guy before. In the past I would occasionally have guys show obvious interest in me, but I wouldn't feel the same. If I did feel the same, I'd get scared and basically run away. My reason is that I am protective of myself and fear getting hurt.

  • They're sheltered.
    5% (5)7% (7)6% (12)Vote
  • They're shy
    8% (7)22% (23)15% (30)Vote
  • They're just not ready yet.
    21% (19)16% (17)18% (36)Vote
  • It just hasn't happened for them yet
    43% (39)39% (41)41% (80)Vote
  • Probably protecting themselves from getting hurt
    7% (6)7% (7)7% (13)Vote
  • BECAUSE I'M SINGLE YO AND SINGLE PEOPLE MINGLE WITHOUT STRINGS ATTACHED MAN AND WHEN CRAZY MUDDAFUCKAS GET ATTACHED I RUN LIKE HELL oh who am I kidding I haven't done shit
    5% (5)5% (5)5% (10)Vote
  • I see a lot of cats in my future
    11% (10)4% (4)8% (14)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think they are just scared or just haven't found the right girl or guy or simply don't have the courage to make a move on someone they like. Which would go with the first thing I've said or perhaps they just simply are not ready yet. I mean I didn't even have my first girlfriend until I think when I was almost 17 was when I had my first one.

    And sure it was scary but after that it got easier you just have to take a chance when it comes to this kind of stuff, I mean you could meet the most perfect guy or girl in the world but you will still have a chance of being hurt by them. And you probably will be hurt by your partner when you have one, we all do it's part of growing up and learning and growing.

    You Nichole have to let yourself be more open and not protective yourself so much, being safe is all good and well but what you must understand is that love and pain or the heart and pain go hand in hand, anyone who has ever been in a relationship has been hurt either by a breakup or by a fight.

    You just have to take a chance and just say fuck it I'm gonna do it, I'm, gonna go for it and if you get hurt well that's part of life, you learn to avoid that kind of person but if you don't get hurt then you gain something great in return for taking that chance.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • My reasons would be that I had never fallen for someone to even consider dating them, until now...

    Ultimately, it is because I was loking for a genuine connection and I never felt it until recently. Besides, I was in no hurry to get those things over with. I was more than comfortable with being single.

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What Guys Said 41

  • It would be hypocritical of me to say anything negative about people like that considering my own situation lol.

    For me personally, it has probably been because I am shy. While I have become less shy in recent years, the fact of the matter is that I was super shy most of my life so far.

    With that though, one could also say "it just hasn't happened yet."

    I think there are plenty of reasons of why someone specifically hasn't had romantic involvment yet, but saying "it just hasn't happened for them yet" is a pretty good blanket statement for it all.
    ----
    I think nothing less of people in the situation. Firstly age 18, 20, 21 or whatever isn't old. Whether someone has experience or no experience, I think of them just the same. (Am I biased in my answer? Perhaps. 😁)

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  • 21 is a bit old to never have held hands, etc. (Nothing wrong with it, just that most have done so by then.)

    The thing I see most prominently is that you are afraid of getting hurt. Unfortunately, part of the growing process is sometimes getting hurt and learning how to get over it. Someday you will open up. It does not matter if it is now or ten years down the road. It may go well or you may get hurt. Putting it off forever will not help you. In the meantime, you actually are hurting yourself by seeing missed chances passing you by.

    Build up your courage and when someone comes along who attracts you and is attracted to you, then do not run away. Learn more about him and when you find that you are comfortable trusting him, go with it.

    It is time for you to enjoy life (while still being cautious). And the comfort of a loved one is part of that life.

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  • Everyone gotta start somewhere girl ;)

    I think you said your self, you're scared of getting hurt, maybe there's trust issues? All of these things one can work through, with the right sort of patience and sensitivity. But the receptive one, the one who hopes to open up some, has to be ready, has to be at a stage where she feels she is ready. I can't force that process. But I'd say most of these things are related to childhood and certain experiences, often things that parents did - said, that children don't understand is not 'normal', helpful might be a better word, so it becomes 'normal' to the child, and thus adult growing up, *until* that behaviour is actively challenged and brought out of unconscious behaviour.

    I would suggest that, there may be 10, even 20, negative thoughts that you may have about intimacy or relationships, even men perhaps?, that need unraveling. One of the things that I would do is say, if I was to hold your hand (for example), why would that be so bad? I wouldn't ask for an intellectual or reflexive answer. I'd wait for the answer to come from your subconscious. Even if it takes days or weeks to come. I'd also make those barriers more tangible and show how they are manifesting themselves, and we'd consider the implications of them. That's how I'd personally deal with it. But it requires trust and patience from both parties. There's no quick fix. And the person has to be ready. There's no riding roughshod or imposing my ideas on them. It's a process of unconditioning themselves, not of burdening them with even more gunk.

    I should also say, that I made this all sound very formal and psychological. I reckon that experiences have meaning, and that people come into our lives for a reason. The fact is, people are teaching us something of worth and merit perpetually, but we don't realise it because it all happens unconsciously. For example, one girlfriend taught me about being more outgoing. That is something that comes easily to a lot of people, but not to me (due to as I say, parental conditioning). This all happened naturally and spontaneously, not analytically in the contrived fashion I have outlined. I was unconscious to the fact that this was indeed what I was learning.

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    • "if I was to hold your hand (for example), why would that be so bad?" and what thoughts and sensations, feelings if you like, are going through your mind. That will be the key to a bit of the puzzle.

    • I'm just thinking also, I had a girlfriend with a similar issue. Her issue I reckon, was she got no 'real' intimacy from her parents, she wasn't used to it.

      One can imagine that she craved it as a child, as is natural, but she never got it, or it was conditional on her being 'good'. I should imagine that she simply lost trust on it, didn't believe it was something that existed. You'd never know the sun existed if all you had seen since growing up is a cloudy sky! Sadly, few people have the experience on unconditional motherly love growing up. They tend to get the extreme of fatherly harsh 'individuation', or too soft unconditional love (doesn't have to do with physical genders, only archetypes or *ideals*). Both are necessary in my view, to be a balanced individual. If you're one, probably much of your life's work will be learning the other :)

    • Also, I made things cold and rational, but love feels amazing, feels right. Don't worry about it. You'll realise the truth of it, the healing power of it, straight away when you experience it :)

  • You can never be 100% sure you won't get hurt, no matter whenever you start there are still chances, getting hurt is better than not getting loved at all whole of your life, that will be worse then you will realize someday, don't let the fear of getting over come your happiness of love, you will see it was all worth to love someone if you get the right one, every relationship have their down sides sometimes, nothing is perfect with humans we commit mistakes and then we learn, if you never expose yourself to the harsh reality you will become more emotionally weak and start to afraid of certain other things, like a person who lives in sterilized environment all the time suffer underdeveloped immunity and become more susceptible to infections, you should experience everything that's life that's part of learning and growing, hiding inside a cave is already making your life worthless, I am not saying just go with anyone choose your partner wisely and just have fun, it's okay to have certain fundamentals guide us, then to become astray.

    you are 21 and worried about your status see me I am 27 and still single no dating yet no romance no love not even a single sight of flirt, I am absolutely zero in this, before I also use to think like this, I was career oriented, I use to study and stay focused then I get busy with work, but then I realized why am I doing all this what for? being lonely is more worse then getting hurt and move on, every time you move you will emerge as more strong person, I would say you are lucky if people are paying attention to you and trying to be with you, someone people are not so lucky as me, It is very difficult to find someone for yourself, I am single spend time on almost 8 dating apps 4 social media websites, college group office and friends circle but no luck yet although I am very nice person with good sense off humor but I don't know what's wrong maybe I am shy and introvert but it is not like that if a girl try to talk to me I would run away its just that no girl ever noticed me, maybe the problem is with me somewhere I am still learning things, I hope to meet someone very soon, but if you are lucky then go ahead don't back off enjoy your life no need to worry, best of luck God bless you :)

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  • I wouldn't judge anyone on that at all... I used to be really shy a couple years back in high school, barely got out of my shell lol. But yeah simply hasn't happened yet, when you're ready and meet the right one you'll just forget all about being scared and running away :P

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  • Posting this gif because it's hilarious. LOL

    media2.giphy.com/media/Vi1YAP4jJen4I/200w.gif

    Okay, serious answer time: 21 is pretty young! I mean, I was 22 when I started having all my serious 'firsts', and I turned out kinda sorta maybe okay-ish. LOL

    In general, though, I'd say it's likely a fear of intimacy. And sometimes it can also be a lack of positive modeling from parents and other family members -- I should know, as I had to teach myself pretty much EVERYTHING when it comes to dating, women, taking risks, being vulnerable, etc.

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  • I am from same situation
    I had a crazy crus12yrs age lasted until I became 17 then I became house bound inbred living a virtual life I learned a lot of stuff and I presume I am ready to go back to that world.. It's been 2 years of drop after school and they have been hell!
    But one yr my mother was in menopause so I choose to not join college and take responsibility of house, and this yr my elder brother broke his leg and it seems like I and spending rest of time taking care of him.. So yeah 2 years didn't go waste..
    I also learned riding bike! Got my bank and online accounts ready and got a permanent driving license... And played a lot of Internet game.. Enjoyed it...
    Watched lot of TV, desperate housewives and The Vampire diaries...

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    • I see relationship before 22 pointless and destroying your life, it's best to first make a economy base for yourself.. And maybe a career then you can play dating game from 22-32 years...

  • Just too shy or too devout religiously and missing out on experiences and living life to the fullest tbh
    But that's their life!

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    • Ooooh sassyyy

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    • Don't be shy! It robs you of quality of life and does nothing good! Go let guys know you wanna bang um!

    • Oh okay... Lmao

  • It just hasn't happened. I would say they are normal. Maybe a minority, but still well within the range of normal. Heck, at 18 I'm not even sure they are a minority.

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  • Its ok, you can't force yourself into a relationship and the more independent you are, the more likely you can establish a long stable relationship, frankly, age has nothing to do with this. Anyone can enter a relationship, based on initial attraction but you need quite a bit of maturity and integrity to stay in one.
    If finding the right partner means waiting it out, its worth it no?

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  • I think they're afraid and insecure. Only way I got girls when I was a teenager was by going for them. Then sex just kinda happened. Laying in bed watching t. v., cool lets fuck. Usually just making out then it's a natural progression.

    So, for a guy, if they've never had sex by 18 it's either because they're religious zealots or they're afraid or insecure.

    For a girl, if they've never had sex by 18, it's because they're religious zealots or value their virginity too much or no guy wanted them or they're afraid of sex or they have high possibly unrealistic standards.

    Dunno. Lots of possibilities. Those are my first thoughts.

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  • A combination of A-D.

    Im the same way so I wouldn't think poorly of a person like that. I do feel kinda bad for the ones who are 30 and still like that but I think its acceptable for early 20s.

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  • I voted "they're shy" because I think that's probably one of the most common reasons. Also lacking connection/attraction to the right people in their lives. I honestly didn't really do much either until I was 23, and it was with someone I met online originally. Because I simply never met people I found very compelling in my life, and wasn't really attracted to the ones who were attracted to me. But if I had been less shy I might have gone out of my way to try to meet more interesting people. I definitely don't think they're just "not ready yet" - I felt like I was "ready" for a long time before it happened and I think a lot of other people feel that way too.

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  • I don't jude on that! They just haven't found the right person yet :)
    I'll most likely still be single at 21...

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  • Well I haven't had a girlfriend and you know that Nichole. I didn't even like girls until I was 18.. My brother is 22 next month and he is the same as you

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  • I think they didn't want to, didn't have the guts to or that they were unlucky.

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  • I had a couple women show interest in me when I started school again. I was interested in one of them and I just ran away and proceeded to make myself look unattractive by saying certain things that would turn her off. On the last class we had until late April, she tried to bump into me. I tried looking like a creepy nerd but I got her more interested in me...

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    • Hahaha whyyyy dude

    • Because I need to focus on my studies and get better at super smash bros lol. I had a girl prior to going back to school throw herself at me basically cause she had the biggest crush on me for like 5 months and gave her a chance. That relationship turned me off to dating completely. I was a friends with benefits but the only girls who check me out look like women who want boyfriends.

      The main reason I think is that I don't want to put effort into a relationship. I'd rather finish school, find a job, get stoned with my bros and play video games

  • Really it's either, they're not good with girls, or they do not want to be romantically involved, it doesn't really matter what age you start becoming sexual AS long as you want it that way

    Many people will say there happy with being a virgin at 25+(nothing wrong with it ) but they don't actully want to be a virgin. If that is the case it's kinda sad

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  • What are my reasons? Well, I'll explain it this way: the sun can't enter your room if your blinds are closed but just by opening the blinds doesn't mean that the sun will come through - it could be night.

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  • I'm 27 and never had a girlfriend, had sex, kissed, or even hugged a girl romantically. The reason? Social anxiety. Yeah screw that shit. But me and a girl have a good thing going and are sure to meet up soon... here's hoping.

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  • I'm single and still a virgin myself. Nothing wrong with that... I try not to think about it too much.

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  • I just think they are not ready.. It's OK.. Not everyone is running behind relationships and sex...

    Trust me I am 23 and relationship is the last thing on my mind... I am just like you...
    Maybe we should meet :-P

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  • I think no more or no less of them.

    I'd assume its because they either aren't relationship material or Sheltered/Shy.
    Obviously this isn't every case but is likely most peoples.

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  • I say it just hasn't happened.

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  • i tend to think they are waiting for that special one that one guy who will make her fall or something like that...

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  • TBH, most people at that age who have not are just looking for that perfect person (who never exists to begin with). Most of them are able to, they just find a flaw in every potential mate. I am guilty of that. I am very logical, I know what the problem is, and yet I am still looking for perfection. Since I have to pretend not to be the problem, D is the way to go.

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    • I think flaws are what make a person beautiful.
      "Tell me every terrible thing you did, and let me love you anyway".

  • I don't see y any guy would hurt you I mean you seem like a smart person from your other post and your also extremely beautiful woman any guy would be lucky to have you as a person in there life

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    • Thank you. You are very sweet. 😊

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    • LOL no it wasn't that bad

    • Ok well that parts good lol you no you can pm me if you want to just sayin

  • You forgot one option in the list and my pick, "they're smart"

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  • Brb driving to So-cal to hold your hand at Disneyland

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  • Any of the above are possible. It depends on the person.

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What Girls Said 20

  • I don't think of people who are 18+ and haven't had any romantic/sexual experience very differently than myself. I mean, I hadn't done much more than made out with several guys in my clubbing phase until I was a little over 21, aside from having sex just once shortly before I hit 20.

    I don't really wonder what their 'reasons' are. I think it's silly that people would inquire as to why you've made that decision. As if everyone is obligated by some unspoken rule to become sexually active and/or romantically involved with someone by the time they're at a certain age?
    Ridiculous, I tell ya. You do you. You won't regret it when you look back in hindsight. :)

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  • I voted for the "just hasn't happened yet" from personal experiences. I'm 22 with no dating experience whatsoever, and it's not because I'm weird, scared, or shy. I will say though the reason why I think I never had a boyfriend in high school was because I didn't talk much so guys never regally took an interest in me. Oh well. Since then I've come out of my shell, but I live in a small town with not many opportunities to meet new guys I'm interested in. I've had some interested in me, but I usually write them off as friends because I'm not attracted to them. I've never been concerned about not having a boyfriend... though sometimes I wish I had one by now!

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  • I had my first kiss when I was 19 and I now have my first boyfriend who is the second guy I ever kissed.
    For me, I guess it happened that way because I lived in a small town and went to a "nerdy" school where there were more girls than boys. The boys I did like didn't like me romantically and vice versa. I wasn't alone with that, most of my friends were also kiss virgins when they left high school.
    Now at Uni, there are just more people and in a matter of months I found two guys I really liked (until the first one turned out to be not that nice, but that happens)!
    So I guess it's also a matter of "accessibility" :D

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  • It's seriously nbd. Like have you seen the -18 boys on here? I wouldn't encourage anyone to get involved with people who aren't ready for relationships. Dating is hard. There's no shame in prioritizing other things or just not meeting the right person.

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  • They are in different levels of life. Like me! I am still figuring out school and stuff... And plan to learn how to cook... Unlike other girls who are married or super sexual active. lol I don't know if i am sheltered... all I know is i have so much to work on before I allow something offical like marriage..."One step at a time" (: I hope its not anything bad. lol I really just want focus on the work part of my life before i go there.

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  • It means it's not the right time yet. My first time was when I was 19 and ended up marrying him 2 years later, then divorcing 2 years later lol.

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  • I'm one of those. I've had no desire to "date" or have a boyfriend in high school or college. I went to prom, and other dances, etc. And I go out in mixed groups of guys/girls now.

    I just don't want distractions. I'm serious about svhool, but I'm also having fun. I don't need drama, head games, heartache, etc in my life.

    I plan to graduate, start a career, and the dating stuff will come along some time after that... or not... LOL. I'm ok with the way things are for now.

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  • I think it's because it just hasn't happened yet. The right person will come along and then you will understand why nothing has happened to you before in the first place. there's somebody for everybody :) just be yourself, and possibly be outgoing if you aren't already.

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  • Speaking from my personal view, It can vary from person to person. I, for one, was a late bloomer. I did not get sexual with anyone till i was in college around 19 I believe. My reason: I just did not see the point of having a boyfriend before then and sexually i did not feel ready. Most people I knew had lost their v-card in highschool or even in middle school (Which i dont understand how!) but i always felt that most of those people did it out of a sense to try to "fit in". Not sure about the guys, but girls i have spoken to ( the ones who started to get physical before 18) did not enjoy or felt their first experience was painful/awkward/embarrassing. And some are single mothers or married. Not trying to generalized but that's what I've seen... So I am glad i waited. Experimented a bit in college but decided to go all the way with someone i connected with.. now I am just dating haha :)

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  • I'm exactly like you!!!

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  • I think that it just hasn't happened for them yet.

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  • Waiting until you're 18 isn't a big deal. Neither is waiting longer. It's better to wait for the right person than to force yourself into a relationship you are not comfortable with just to fit in with social norms. No need to rush

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  • People are usually surprised when I say I haven't done anything sexual, I find that fairly shocking since I'm only 19 lol. I think it's surprising it's seen as abnormal

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  • They are still figuring out themselves or just plain loners.

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  • I just never really liked someone to make him my boyfriend

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  • I don't think you should use the age 18 as involvement in sexual activity under 18 is in my mind emotionally damaging. I would change that to over the age of 23. You have had no sexual involvement over the age of 23 it is either because you have not let yourself go out of fear or religious conviction or you haven't met the right guy who's gotten to you

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  • Just haven't found th right person. I rather date someone like that than someone who had been around

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  • i have the first sexual exerience after 21..

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  • that they are smart people

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