In reality, wouldn't we have more to lose when it comes to commitment?

Don't mean to sound one-sided and I know both genders have disadvantages in life but I think when it comes to time and commitment, we get affected more and have more to lose if not choosing carefully. For instance it's already hard (but not impossible) finding a man that wants to commit. If all we wanted was dating around and easy sex, that's easy but some of us don't want that.

If we do the whole living together as couple (I never done that and will never do it) while never talking about where this is leading or believing it will lead somewhere one day, the man can spend years of our time and then more than likely that relationship won't last. Then he walks away and we have to start all over. Still, those are years we'll never get back and there is a limited time for us to form a family.

Also, if not choosing right or thinking we had the right person and still get pregnant (assuming the woman decided to keep the baby), the guy can bail out if he's a total a jerk.

  • Yes, I agree... a woman has to choice wisely and carefully her partner
    42% (8)11% (3)24% (11)Vote
  • There is some truth to that but not totally
    37% (7)37% (10)37% (17)Vote
  • No, she doesn't have more to lose... totally disagree
    21% (4)52% (14)39% (18)Vote
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Updates:
The man can still form a family and decide how to spend his time... take all the time he wants to. We can't.
Off course she can make him pay for child support but still she's a single mother, that's tough. I would not like to be a single mother.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes, it's risky but it's riskier never getting into a committed relationship. The key is to have a ring on your finger because until you are married he can walk away. My father always told me never truth a man who isn't your husband because he isn't yours yet. With that it implied don't live with another man, and even sustain for sex if you can because then they will want to commit to higher levels like marriage sooner. But love is a risk in general, run from it and you may be screwing yourself of happiness, being heart broken sucks but it's not the end of the world :)

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What Guys Said 9

  • You are talking from a strictly female fear perspective. What you don't understand is that its just as bad on the other side. The way i see it... just roll with the punches... you women try so hard to "commit" that you put pressure on the other side who are literally built NOT to commit... and y'all are crazy and bogus and occasionally stupid... but thats why we need one man, one woman. so when one is crazy, the other pacifies and when one is stupid, the other is smart.
    Its understandable not to want to be a single parent, its scary to have a kid... period... but you are being biased, i mean, women leave for the dumbest reasons, especially after marriage then they take HALF.. half of shit they didn't earn. trust me... BOTH sides have stuff to lose... but you are speaking strictly from a female perspective.
    here's my tip... dont put a leash on a guy... when you put a leash on anyone, their first thought is to "get loose" "break away" "leave"... im a former player and I've cheated... a lot... now im with a girl that give me my freedom to do whatever.
    Guess what... i Don't... probably cuz there's no leash... i created the line that i won't cross... she doesn't create it for me.
    people make a rule, you wana break it... You make the rule, You obey it.
    get my drift?

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    • I get the drift, but would it be possible not to imply the guy gets all the money and the girl takes it all away? Because this is the only situation where women feel the need to commit so much they don't give the gentlemen a break. There's money at stake, and if there's a breakup, they're really in deep shit.
      Aside from that, there's also this thing called love, which guys also occasionally feel. That's honnest commitment. You may not cheat on your girlfriend, because she's not harassing you, because she has no 'fear' associated to losing you, which gives you both the possibility to have a healthier relationship. Keep it up :p

    • @Aetumn Love is a myth. like comets it happens very rarely. i know what the new thing is though... :)
      i get where you are coming from, but i said she takes Half not all. and if they knew they would be in deep shit if they left... why choose to leave?
      fortunately, the law sides more with women, and women use it... if they left for some legit reason, they try to get back, and sometimes, in a very very ridiculous way. y'all women are harsh, and thats why i don't hold back on you guys because i know in the right situation... y'all show no mercy or consideration... so i don't either
      tell me im wrong.

    • You're wrong ^^
      I'm not annoyed by the "half, not all"; I'm annoyed by the fact you implied the only one making the money is the guy. I'm insulted -.-
      And everyone is harsh. Or at least can be; but gender has nothing to do with it. You say you've played and cheated, so in my view what the exes did to you in response was only fair game. But it's sad that things would have to come down to the point where everyone just fights to take whatever's available and screw the ex ten times over. It's not the world I intend to live in. People generally fulfill the expectations you have of them.
      If I treat you like some sexist douchebag (I'm doing my best not to) chances are you'll tend towards the behavior akin to that of a sexist douchebag. If consider you and I can have polite conversation despite the fact we disagree, I'm hoping we will indeed have polite conversation on the very subject we disagree on. It's only a matter of perspective.

  • I don't know. Are you including the risk of losing children and half their assets and income? What exactly does a woman lose from commitment?

    "Then he walks away and we have to start all over." Um. This is pretty much a gender neutral thing. Not sure why you're classifying it as female only. Your assertion is essentially that males are always the ones to initiate breakups. Further, exactly what do you measure as "commitment."? Marriage? In essence, you're saying that if a man doesn't marry you within, what, 6 months 2 years, then he's wasting your time?

    The guy really cannot "bail out" if he's a jerk. The government mandates that he take responsibility for the child, whether he wants it or not. Unlike the female's option to get an abortion without any say from the father. She can opt out of parenthood if she so feels like it. The man cannot unless he changes his name and runs from the government. That'll land his ass in prison for not paying child support. This isn't something that the mother "can do", it's something the government mandates be done. The man or the woman have no choice in the matter.

    The man can "decide how to spend his time." Exactly what on Earth do you mean by that?

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  • I find most people (everyone I've ever met, including my parents) form families for subjectively the wrong reasons (which in what I've observed, leads to pretty much what most teens complain about. Kids who make poor choices. Kids who do poor in school. Young adults entering into University, severely unprepared and wasting time and money, etc.) OR they have kids by accident and try to step up (usually leading to very much the same thing).

    I've come to my own conclusion that if I can't get a degree, and a good career, I'm likely not going to be able to prepare my kid to do it either... and I'll be leaving him/her up to random luck in how successful they are throughout their young life. I won't be very useful to them, as they struggle through life. How can they trust what I say, and how can I teach them? I personally call that irresponsible. I already know we can't rely on teachers sole to do this. I'd be setting a bad example.

    I one day hope to achieve my goals (though I'm showing up late). I hope I meet someone who has achieved theirs, and I hope that's a person I could start a family with.

    Straight out of high school though, settling into an average job. It doesn't inspire much, and what kind of people do I expect to meet that way (have met). People who equally don't aspire to much. Are these the kind of people I'd want to start a family with? I learned the long, hard way... no.

    I never thought a good education would be so important in all these unexpected ways. But I didn't really have the parents to teach me that.

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  • The first 2 points apply to men too.
    It's extremely difficult finding a decent woman that wants commitment. You either meet girls that just want sex, or those who want a relationship are complete dumbass.

    Men would lose their time if the relationship doesn't work, and we also have a limited time to form a family. Our swimmers don't swim forever -_-

    The only way women MAY lose is if they have a kid and they win custody but no alimony. Men can still win full custody (extremely rare though). If they both share custody, no one wins. If the woman wins full custody, she mot likely will get alimony, so she gets the kid plus the money, that's an absolute win.

    I'm sorry, but no, when it comes to commitment, you're not the ones that have more to lose.

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  • A man who makes a mistake in a relationship will continue paying for that mistake for up to 18 years after the breakup. He will inevitability get the short end of the stick in any divorce proceedings, and may end up supporting children that though legally he can see, the reality is that he can not.

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  • I think the answer to that question greatly depends upon the person or persons answering it.

    For me personally I have far more to gain then I do to lose but of course that won't be the case with someone else.

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  • No - at least it shouldn't.

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  • I don't understand.. losing what? in most situations, guys would have more to lose than a woman when it comes to commitment.

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  • Woman always had to lose more in commitment. I love her for what she had sacrificed for me.

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    • Yes and even if she wanted to be a career woman, she has to still give up her hours and either be a stay at home for about 5-10 years... give it up all for the kids and family or still have her major but limited hours... part time job only.

    • Agree with you dear. Women is the symbol of sacrifice and love.

What Girls Said 3

  • yeah of course i agree, but same goes for men. they have to choose wisely as well. for example my friends dad, he is a really good, loyal, man but the first woman he married turned out be a drug addict who just wanted his money (he wasn't even that rich, but very giving so she decided to take advantage), and the second woman he married isn't on anything but she sure is crazy. he just stays with her because he's too old to be out looking for someone else. its not just women falling into traps, it goes both ways.

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  • I believe both have to choose carefully and wisely, but I do see your point of view and agree with it to a degree. If you have children, it's harder for a women to get back on the saddle than it is for a man. You have some good points, but your argument is a bit flawed.

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  • Not all men want just fun and there are plenty of women that do.
    Men and women can both leave a relationship even if they're married and we both have to start again.
    There are a bunch of single dads because women left.

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    • Sure there are always exceptions. I was referring to generally. We still have to be selective in choosing the man.

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    • I'm a single dad , but I dumped my ex , if still with her I would be dead with a stress induced heart attack by now !!

    • I'm not an idiot didn't see my phone corrected yourself to you're self

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