Dating a guy who will not have his car for 3 months?

First time here, i have met this guy online. He's super sweet, very social and fun to be around. First date we hit it off. Had an awesome time with him and so we made plans for a second date. We're both 26 by the way. On the second date, at the end, he begins to tell me about his past. He 's a recovering drug addict. Apparently the environment he grew up in was not kid friendly to say the least. He started using around 12yrs old. and he had just finished rehab a year ago. For now, he is just attending meetings once a week and he has not touched alcohol and he says he will not drink ever again because he does not want all his hard work to go to waste. When he first told me this, i was very shocked because ( I feel bad for saying this) he looks like a normal guy. Quite attractive too i might add. and then, adding more shocking news, he tells me that he does not have a car. Apparently he has been getting rides from his roommate ( who is also a recovering patient and they work in the same place). I am college graduate taking a break from school. I really like this guy but honestly i don't know if i can handle his situation. oh! he also said that he will be getting his car in three months, apparently getting it from his home state. He is not from here. and this is not a city type of place where public trans is easy, more a like the suburbs. I dont know what to do. I would appreciate other perspectives or any opinions before i make my final decision. Thanks


Most Helpful Guy

  • Did you ask him why he is without a vehicle... sounds to me like a potential DUI?

    My second thing I would be concerned about is your health. Obviously, don't be doing anything with him at all sexually until he is tested and cleared... I am sure you already are aware of the risks with users but thought I would just add that.

    Finally, it is a lot to take on... my main issue would be getting attached to a person that could be a ticking bomb. Even though he may be telling the truth when everything is rosey now, there is always the issue that if something went wrong, he would use again! That type of unknown would be stuck in the back of my head! If it were me I think I would pass just because there are potentially too many headaches that could happen.

    • that is what i am afraid of... the ticking bomb part. As for being tested, yes of course but not really thinking about that yet ( we have just started talking and only have seen each other on two occasions). And the car, i dont really know. didn't even bother to ask, it was just too much info on one night.

    • I am sure it was information overload!

    • Thanks for MHGuy, cheers! I hope you got it sorted out!

Most Helpful Girl

  • I think it's too early to tell. You had fun with him, which is great. Maybe you should see where it goes first. It should be serious the first few months anyway. See if you can go out on a few more dates, get to know each other, see if he's worth it. It's a little dangerous to get into a relationship with a former drug addict but I know people who have really recovered and have never gone back. If you really like him, and feel the relationship is something worth pursuing, give it time. After a few months, if it goes well, then start thinking about the more serious things.

    • *It SHOULDN'T be serious the first few months

    • yea I guess. Im not usually this pessimistic but with all that much he has going on , I can't help but wonder. Not looking to marry the guy but i take relationships serious and so i want to be all in or just move on.


What Guys Said 3

  • I'm just going to be forward here. If you can't handle that he doesn't have a car for only a few months, then you shouldn't be in a relationship with him, or honestly anyone. He's obviously in a tough spot right now, and it's understandable why he doesn't have a car.

    I'm in an extremely similar situation. I am 26, dealt with mild alcoholism due to a poor upbringing, leaving me to deal with a lot of anxiety and depression. I have handled a lot of things that a lot of people probably won't in their lives. I am trying to recover myself, go to the gym, study what I want to do, and get everything back on the right track to make me happy. If I met a girl that she wouldn't date me because I didn't have a car at the moment, which I don't, I would consider myself lucky. The relationship, and life, would have points that are a lot harder than that, so if she bailed at something so small as that, I'm glad I didn't get to see what would happen later.

    • thanks for your honest response. I guess the title makes it seem like that is my main concern. I am worried as to how we can meet with him depending on me and/or his roommate. He does have everything else in order. But the fact that he also is a recovering patient. I can see how far he has gotten. He was very open to me and i appreciated that. Honesty is not something that many people get nowadays and i really like him. that is partly why i feel bad for thinking this way as well.

    • Your welcome, perhaps I was a little harsher than I needed to be. Considering I share a lot of similarities, and have had anxiety in the past that a girl wouldn't accept my current situation, because of things in the past, I gave a strong response.

      And again, to be honest with you, while him being a recovering patient may be viewed as an issue, I really don't think it's as big of an issue as it looks like. His problem just happens to be visible, and he IS doing something about it. Are you going to be able to tell if your next boyfriend will abuse you when angry? No. Are you going to be able to tell if your next boyfriend will change feelings and cheat on you? No. I'm not saying to date just anyone because everyone has issues. I'm saying trying to avoid a relationship where there are issues isn't going to happen. The only reason you are so aware of his issues is because you can SEE them, you can't SEE others, but they are there.

    • Also, people are subject to change, and again he's clearly showing he wants to do that, which is strong of him. If his growing up situation was really as poor at it looks from my standpoint, I can understand why would he turn to that as well. I was at a point in my life where I had literally nothing. No friends, no family, no girlfriend, and no money. I felt no one cared about my existence at all. It wasn't easy to just simply make it through the day. So while I'm not proud of the fact that I had an alcohol issue, I think it makes sense why I would attempt to turn to something when I feel really that miserable.

  • so you can get over the fact that he is a recovering drug addict, but not the fact he doesn't have a car for a little while? da fuck?

    • eh no, no that's not what i'm saying. I guess the title is really misleading but then again i was in a hurry when i wrote this. Both him being a former addict and not having a car are issues for me. Of course, him getting a car in three months in a way will resolve it but im also scared of his past. But he is a very likeable and easy going guy so i dont know what to make of him

  • What do you want from him?


What Girls Said 2

  • You said you don't know what to do?
    And you have to make a final decision meaning? is it worth it dating a former addict with no car?

    He sounds like he's just fresh from rehab but who knowss if something triggers him again, he might go back to using substances again.

    How much do you like him enough to see him get his life back? or if you don't, then end of story.

    • Do you know him long enough to trust this thing with him can become more? I mean somewhere along the way, he will have emotional spikes where he will say something that will be hurtful to you... can you deal with it.

    • I have just met him recently. i would say since the beginning of this month. I guess its just i'm very afraid of how things can unfold. I'm one of those people who thinks of consequences a lot. But like you said, It is not serious now. We are just getting to know one another. But i just felt bad for thinking of rejecting just because of his past. The car situation i think i can overlook but then again im not sure how that will unfold...

  • Why don't you get a car? So you're more concerned about the fact he has a car and not the other issues he has?

    • I have a car -.-
      He lives somewhat close to me so picking him up it's not much of an issue for me. It's just that i've Never dealt with anyone who didn't drive or had to rely on transportation. For dates, I feel it would be quite hard to arrange due to this... maybe, i dont know. But my main issue is his past.