My parents are against me dating a black guy. Help?

I'm a white 16 year old girl, and I wouldn't even have posted my race but I wanted to clarify it. I am a strong believer that we're all the same on the inside, and you can't judge a person by their looks, only by their character.

Recently I've started talking to this guy, he's very nice, funny, and comes from a good family. We're starting off as friends but we've both confessed to liking eachother as more than that.

I told my mom about this, because I tell her everything and have a strong and open relationship with my parents. She was immediately physically ill, and told me the thought of me with a boy who isn't white was sickening, my parents procceded to attack me over this and that I'm going against their values and have threatened to disown me, because I am "Ungrateful, and dissing" my family.

I'm not sure what to do or how to go about this. I believe its my life, yes my parents provide everything for me, but it doesn't mean they can shove their racist opinions down my throat. I'm not sure what to do at all and am completely lost.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Me being black I can tell you other side. Every situation is different of course but here it goes:

    When I was your age I dated a white girl. And in those days (the 80's) this was much more of an issue then it is now. And her father was very much against her ever dating a black guy. He would tell every chance he got. He did not hate black people but just didn't know anything about black people. Except the things he saw on the news.

    My girlfriend hid our relationship. But because of circumstances I got to meet her father. He was shocked. And at first I noticed him not liking me but I kept on being myself. By the end of the day he really liked me and approved of the relationship. He noticed that I was just a guy and that all that he had learned about black people was false. But like I said all of his fears disappeared.

    Give your parents the chance to meet him and find out all they don't and do like about him. If he is a good guy your parents will turn around. But it is important for your boyfriend to show his best behavior without being fake and at the same time not to portrait the black stereo type.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • She was physically ill after you told her you like a black guy?
    Wow, the racism is strong!
    Disgusting is the word!
    I'm being kind only having said that!

    It's your life!
    Do what makes you happy!

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What Guys Said 17

  • I agree with your parents. There are big differences between the races.
    What is running around inside of your head is the result of libtard brainwashing at school and on television.
    I would encourage you to read The Bell Curve, by Herrnstein and Murray (1994).

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  • Just date him already.

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  • Wow, that is rough. I agree that you should date who you want, but that is definitely gonna be hard to deal with from your parents. Man, that is awful.

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  • Your 16 figure it out. either disobey your mom and date him or obey her and don't

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  • If you like him, date him. Your not the first or last person to go through this. But it is difficult since your 16 and live with your parents. No one should go through that.
    What you can do is keep telling them of his good qualities. They will come around once they know him.

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  • Silly girl. It's not about race, it's about the difficulties you'll experience from everyone around you if you marry and have children.
    Date him and see where it goes. My white nephew married a half-black girl and she's gorgeous and they are happy and expecting. Success! The wedding ceremony was a hoot!

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  • your parents can fuck off brah, do what you want.

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  • Not that I agree with your parents way of thinking, but they are your parents, and while you are living under their roof you should abide by their rules. Sorry, but that is one of those pesky things about being a teenager.

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  • I hate these sell-outs and wannabes. How do people get this weak and disgusting?

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  • You should be able to date whoever you want no matter what their color is.

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  • Once you're out of their house and on your own, date whoever they want.

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  • Parents are right

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  • Your mom is a dumb racist and you should do what makes you happy.

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  • You should date whoever you want. I understand how you view race but At the same time you need to realize that there are different cutral groups in this country. your parents are concerned over proven statistics. That doesn't mean this guy in perticar is a bad person but they are concerned over statistics.

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  • That's sad that they are like that and you should go with what your heart feels just make sure he's good to you. But your not going be able to change three minds so you have to decide if you want to deal with it for the next 2 years.

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  • Don't date him, it will ruin your family

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  • I got involved with a woman from a Muslim family (who was not, herself, an adherent to the faith). My fundamentalist Christian parents took that about as well as could be expected. Words like "unclean," "heathen," and "devil-worshipper" made several appearances. They believe all Muslims secretly support terrorism and ought to be regarded as San Bernardino-style sleeper agents. I don't have a key to their house anymore and they threatened to exclude me from their will. My own father argued fervently that we ought to have nuked Mecca in retaliation for 9/11, yet, paradoxically, sympathized with the two men who tried to shoot up the cartoon convention in Texas featuring comics making fun of Islam, saying that if someone insulted his God like that, he'd feel the same way. Seems to me he thinks more like a jihadi himself than he realizes.

    Outside circumstances have disrupted my relationship. She and I are both taking it very hard. She isn't speaking to me anymore. My parents are now hoping I'll leave this behind me and "come back to the fold," so to speak. Jumped my shit for texting and asking if she was all right in the wake of a bombing, for fuck's sake.

    They lost a lot of trust in me, justifiably so, for not telling them about her for so long. I lost all respect I once had for their worldview.

    A big part of me wishes I'd told them to eat shit and gone off to be with her. Given the thoroughly unreasonable nature of your parents' objections... I'll let you decide whether you ought to do the same, I'd just suggest you not jump into anything you're not prepared for.

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What Girls Said 10

  • I would say just date him anyway. It's your life and your relationship, they can't control that. You should be able to do what makes you happy and be with who makes you happy, and your parents should support that.

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  • At this point in your life you have to stay within your parents boundaries. That is the mature thing to do. It is not the mature thing to go against them. The repercussions would be terrible. I know I sound like an old lady and most people will say be your own person but you're too young at this point.

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  • Gah, first of all, I'm proud of you for breaking away from an abhorrent belief that is usually inherited by your parents.

    However, you're not 18 yet, and I don't think it's fair to subject a 16 year old boy (presumably) to that kind of discrimination.

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  • date him anyways. yeah it may seem like your going behind their backs, but dating outside your race is NOT wrong. just because your parents are racist, you shouldn't be.

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  • Just ignore them and date him already

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  • Then Fck em. If theyre tht racist enough To tell you love them but dont except their veiws. Leave.

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    • She's 16 lol

    • If every 16 year old with racist parents left there would be a lot of homeless teens. And they wouldn't be all white lol

    • @Matchmaker7072 lol good point. LaThere are a million articles on pitfalls of leaving home early etc.. But i think if you nudge yourself do things everyday and change the way you approach life its possibleto be successful. Going to cause along road and further stress aswell as financial, emotional, and physical strain but it opens a window to build and improve yourself. Develop a new self concept take pride in what youve accomplished etc.. I think its has a lot to do with your approach, will, and openess to accept and adapt to reality. Now its not good to walk blindly into something but i think hardships create the biggest opportunities as our scope and point of view is so open to everything anything and desperation or motivates. Im no expert but do find being broke and enjoying what you do while putting every dime into 401ks and roths etc very fullfilling. Enjoy the simplicity of life... miserably fullfilled. To passionate and busy to desire anything else.

  • The way she acted after you told us quite challengeing.
    I can only say do whatever makes you happy. But she is your mum. She is not a object that you can get rid of easily. So talk to her. Find a middle way you know. If she is not willing to understand you, you need to be the bridge. Take him to your home. Make your parents meet him.

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  • racist af, go get that BBC and ignore em

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  • just for a laugh tell them he fell in an ink vat

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  • I want to tell you to just date him anyway, but be very careful if you think they'd do something drastic like kick you out of the house or something. They're racist, but you're a minor and still need them for food, clothing, shelter, etc.

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