Are guys lying when they say they want an independent woman?

I hear a lot of guys saying they want an independent woman but those same guys won't date a girl because they feel she is intimidating


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Independent and domineering are separate things. We all have masculine and feminine sides to us. When people are independent they venturing more into both sides more often, which is good when you're single. But in a relationship the guy should really be focused on being in his masculine so she an be in her feminine.

    When a girl has had to really be in that side of herself for awhile, it can be hard for her to switch off. So in some ways she is still "being the guy" for lack of a better term. And their energies are butting heads.

    When a guy says he wants an independent woman. He means a non needy woman that is taking care of herself and doesn't require his assistance in order to get by... but he still wants her to be a lady and to light up for him when he enters the room. A woman who really embodies her feminine side, while not being needy.

    Just like a lot of women want a man who is strong and masculine, but at the same time open up to her and shares his heart. There's a balance

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Independent as in a girl who's got her shit together, or has an idea how to get there. Independent as in she can carry her own weight when needed.
    Independent as in she's pretty comfortable with herself and doesn't feel the need to put on airs or try too hard.
    I'm not a guy, I don't think, but that's what I think of when I get hit with the term 'independent'.

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    • And I don't think those are the ones guys shy away from. I think you're thinking of females that are independent in the sense of any guy is treated like an afterthought and they don't pay him no mind. That sort of thing. When the girl is so independent or self contained and the guy is treated like a burden or obligation almost.

    • Yeah that's not independent that's counter dependent, the other side of co dependent. These women are afraid of intimacy, don't have trust and have been hurt in the past. Independent women are awesome and I agree with your opinion on them. That's sexy. Counter dependent women are frustrating, a guy feels like he can't win everything is a competition, they're also sarcastic, insensitive, not mindful and lack emotional intelligence and are wrought with insecurities and fear of abandonment and fear of criticism and are often found to be perfectionists. A counter dependent woman is no fun, guys gravitate to a woman for her joyful vibe etc. independent women are cool, counter dependent women are hard work.

What Guys Said 23

  • A woman can be independent without being intimidating. Many guys want a woman who will be an equal partner but not one who will try to usurp power.

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    • in other words, men don't like women who don't allow men to have power over them.

    • @stardust101 That is not what I said at all. I meant exactly what I said. I will repeat it and perhaps this time you will read what I write: A woman can be independent without being intimidating. Many guys want a woman who will be AN EQUAL PARTNER but not one who will try to usurp power.

    • Oh ok. Just making sure it's what you meant 😊

  • No... well, at least I'm not. But when I say independent I don't mean a girl that's like a cat, meaning that she just cares about herself and comes to me whenever she likes, and then I don't see her for weeks.

    The reasons some guys don't approach girls that are "intimidating" is because of insecurities, exactly like girls, we're both alike on this.
    They don't wanna run the risk of being rejected by someone that's great, cause they'll take it as "I'm not as good as her".
    It's not because they don't like independent women.

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  • well feeling like a girl is intimidating and a girl being independent can be different things

    my wife is an independent woman. she makes enough that she can take care of herself and other things like that; however she is not at all intimidating

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  • There's a difference between being independent and giving off the vibe of superiority. Yes independent but guys also like to feel needed somewhat so not 100% independent. If you act like you don't need a guy at all it's a turn off, but don't be the opposite and 100% clingy and need a guy for everything.

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  • we don't want a girl who's clingy and will have to contact us as soon as we leave them and get mad if we don't respond immediately when they text and get jealous every time we so much as look at another girl... even if we're friends

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  • Nope I like an independent woman... I can't be there holding her had 24/7 and I do like some time alone here and there. So a strong independent woman is a good thing in my books.

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  • No, I want someone who has, her own job, her own ambitions and values our time together. I don't want a clingy girl or a leech.

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  • It looks risky at first but totally worth it if she actually likes you back.

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  • No, Independent to me means: She has a job, her own financial stability, but the guy has both as well, both do not control each other, they both take turns doing chores if living together or married, they take turns cooking, etc...

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  • We men get used by women for our cash all the time, and we need to follow a few simple rules, the same way women do to avoid being raped or used for their puddytats. So we make sure our woman has plenty of her own money, so that we only have to fork out for dates so we cna get to know them. Otherwise, we may as well go to the brothel. Are seeing my point? Think about it. I hope this helps.

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  • No, guys are not lying. But at the same time a lot of guys don't know what independent means.

    Guys can get threatened when becomes too independent. That is usually the point when she doesn't really need him to survive. And truth is that us guys like to feel needed.

    I know some men personally that want their women to surrender their whole paycheck to them so she can't run away. To me this sounds sick but I have seen it happen multiple times.

    I would never want to be married like that. I welcome an independent woman. I wouldn't want it any other way. I am an independent man. I can survive without her and she can survive without me. So the reason we stay together is because we love each other and not because we need each other. And if she wants to leave she can leave and I hope she'll be happier somewhere else.

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  • I've always been honest and straight up. In fact, I've answered this question so many times you all probably already know what I'm gonna say:

    I DON'T want an independent woman. You're right - they are intimidating. But not only that, i want a girl who is dependent on me because quite frankly it feels GOOD to be depended on. I don't know why guys are always bitching about their girlfriend being "too clingy". I think they are damn lucky to be getting that much affection from their girl.

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  • This just in, some of us guys lie!!! Yes, it's sad, but true (No, I'm not lying, honest). I think guys your age (18) may not be genuine when they say they want an independent woman. A girl who can support and care for herself is truly attractive, at least to me, but I am in my 30s. I think when men get older they do get more of an appreciation for a woman that isn't needy, but can also contribute equally (or more) to a relationship.

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  • Pretty much. It is like a woman saying that she wants a nice guy. Guys only say that they want an independent woman because they are liberals who are afraid of coming off as politically incorrect or sexist. In reality though most men want a dependent, traditional woman in the same way that almost every woman wants a confident jerk.

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  • Intimidating and independent are two different things...

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  • No. I really want independent woman who can be with me.

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  • No, they really don't like a girl that can't think or do for themselves.
    What exactly do you bring to a relationship? What do you have to offer?

    On the other extreme, the 'independant woman' just doens't need or want a man, so why should he bother?

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  • solitary no. independent? sure.

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  • I would love an independent woman.

    That means I can have 100% me time + sex.

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  • No way of telling

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  • Absolutely not lying. Not only that I date independent women don't feel threatened at all. Some of these self proclaimed independent girls however can be bitches. Just like their is a difference between confident guy and a Dbag, same difference between independent confident girl and a bitch.

    Believe me indepndent women have no problem getting dates. Guys who would feel threatened obviously wouldn't be dating them at all.

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  • Probably. Those are the girls that have the most problems, it seems. It's not really that they find her intimidating though. That's just something those girls say to make themselves feel better. Girls have their list of things they prioritize in guys and guys have their list of things they prioritize in girls. Those lists may have similar things on them, but some things mean more to one gender than the other.

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  • Deep down inside, every guy wants a good house wife, with a pretty appearance, welcoming attitude, and is good with kids.

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What Girls Said 6

  • Most of the time. Truth is they are just as confused as women. They are in love with the idea of a certain type of woman, but when they meet her they are not quite sure how to deal with it.

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  • They want her independent in the sense that she can function without them but still treats them like a man.

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  • independence does not have to mean the same as intimidating...

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  • That's a REALLY good question.

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  • Men, just like women want a healthy balance of both!

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  • Some of them are lying to themselves.

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