Boyfriend insecure... should I stop playing games?

Ever since the start of our relationship, I've enjoyed playing games with him, which I know I shouldn't:

1. I took ages to respond to his messages

2. Never really complimented him or stroke his ego.

3. Rarely reply back to his "I love yous"

4. Never text him back when he texts me good night and good morning.

5. Read his messages and questions, but never respond for days.

6. Pretended to block him once and he started panicking.

7. Spoke about how attractive other guys are and how attractive my exes are.

8. Kept picking up fights and making break up threats, to which he pleaded me not to.

9. Didn't really flirt back.

Now he thinks I don't love him the same way he loves me and he is upset and insecure, I feel really bad because I thought being mysterious and playing hard to get worked. Now I feel that I have hurt him. He doesn't believe me when I told him how much I love him, What should I do to show him I love him so much? He is really attractive, chivalrous, polite, sweet, caring, protective (he said he would protect me with all his life) kind and very loving. Although I've spoken about hot guys (and he was really jealous every time), he said he only has eyes for me and I'm the prettiest, most intelligent and amazing girl he has ever met. He never talked about other women. I feel so guilty, what to do?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You shouldn't have gotten into a relationship in the first place, considering how immature you are and incapable of understanding how hurtful your behaviour was without him actually voicing that.

    Where did you get all this idiotic advice from? Has it ever crossed your mind to consider how YOU would feel had he been using exactly the same tactics thinking it would make him seem "mysterious"? Putting yourself in someone else's shoes should be the first guide on how you treat people around you. If you wouldn't like it, what makes you think others will?

    He won't believe you and rightfully so. You acted completely disinterested, what did you expect?

    Do you want to mend the relationship? Tell him exactly what you wrote here. That you got a stupid idea from somewhere that it would make the relationship more interesting and didn't realize how your actions were affecting him and TRUTHFULLY APOLOGIZE.

    Don't try covering your ass by just being nice from now on. Accept your mistake, come clean and tell him it was very immature of you and you now understand that it was a terrible thing to do and that you're truly sorry.

    The correct foundation for a healthy relationship is honesty and the ability to humbly accept one's mistakes in order to avoid repeating them.

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What Guys Said 27

  • I don't understand why women think that playing hard to get will work on men? I mean it rarely ever works, 95% of the time it will fail, it will backfire on you and the same thing has happened with you as well.

    Men just dislike these kind of games, men dislike women who play hard to get, eventually they will give up on such women. I don't understand from your post it's clear that you are doing everything possible to make him feel insecure, you make him jealous you doing everything possible to hurt him. You mention about other guys, how attractive they are and so on, you threaten him, don't respond to his messages and so on.

    I mean your entire post indicates that you have doing everything to disrespect him.

    I mean these are not the traits of an ideal girlfriend. It's possible that your boyfriend might be already of the insecure type and so why would you as a girlfriend want to trigger his insecurites even more? What kind of a girlfriend would do that?

    I mean as a girlfriend, you should try to understand him, you job is to make your boyfriend feel as secure as possible, you should make sure you never hurt him. That's what an ideal girlfriend would do, however you have not been doing anything like that.

    However you are really lucky to have a boyfriend like him, he really sounds like a true man and it's really surprising that he still hasn't broken up with you, I mean he surely is a person of soft heart, and is forgiving towards you.

    Please learn from your mistakes and stop playing these games and don't do anything to hurt him by any means, otherwise eventually he will break up with, believe it or not one day that will happen and that day you will regret it.

    It will be your loss.

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  • Girls like u get dumped and then cry all their lives... where are all the nice guys have gone...
    keep doing ur behaviour... and soon u will get dumped by this dude

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  • I personally would of dumped you a long time ago, that's really low and callous, I don't know who gave you that advice to do that to him, if it was a friend, dump them as a friend, they put you between a rock and a hard place. I don't blame him for being the way he is with you. He'll probably not trust you ever. You have got a lot of amends to make. Keep in mind that your actions and behavior does not speak to high quality, or character, or morals, or integrity. It sounds to me like it's really you who is insecure and not deserving of a guy like him, this is someone's behavior when they have low self esteem and self worth, it's not what a healthy person would do.

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  • Why would you do something like that? it isn't funny. It shows was a truly immature child you are. If he had any self respect he would dump you immediately.

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  • Admit your mistakes to him and start becoming an honest woman. In a relationship, you have the privilege to experience life with somebody else. Thats a beautiful thing. Don't waste it, nurture it.

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  • the damage that you have done way never be totally repaired to the point it was before you started playing the games. i just hope you learned we are fragile and do have feelings. the only thing i can suggest is stop the games and treat him with the love and respect you should have be giving him all along. hopefully over time ye starts to beleave you truly love him

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  • On what planet would that seem like a good idea? You should read what you have written and facepalm yourself several times. That must be the most stupid behavior I have ever heard of. It is inconceivable that he has let you do this for so long without dumping your ass. But really, tell me. What on earth made you think this was a good idea?

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  • So not only disrespect him with manipulation, you are actually surprised he thinks you are disinterested after having done EVERYTHING in your power to make him think you are disinterested. Blocking him for fun, refusing to reciprocate affection, blatantly ignoring him... That's just disrespectful. Are you sure you are emotionally mature enough for social relationships?

    Anyways, @maskedsanity already told you what to do, but I don't think it will help you grow some empathy and become more considerate of how your actions affect others. That needs a whole new perspective that seems to be unknown to you.

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    • Your being a bitch, your so damn lucky this boy hasn't dumped you already. If you truly love someone you wouldn't do this to them, my boyfriend gets insecure sometimes so I make sure I let him know everyday how much I love him and how much he means to me. I've been on the other side of That and it sucks. So stop your shit and truly apologize to him and be lucky if he doesn't dump your ass

  • Stop acting like a kid for starters. Stopping the games and making an actual effort in the relationship should be a good start.

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  • You suck as a girlfriend...

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  • you sound like exactly my current girlfriend. she did the same things (even worse stuff but I doubt she cheated on me, not saying you cheated on your boyfriend either). I could take it for 2 years. 6 months ago I realized how bad she treated me. gonna break up with her on Tuesday.
    once he's gonna realize how bad you treated him it won't matter how hard you're trying, the love will be gone by him and he won't feel happy with you. sorry, you screwed up and this is exactly what you deserve for what you did to your boyfriend.

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  • You're bad girlfriend. Don't play anymore games. Just love him and bring him back.

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  • Problem is that your whole relationship is based on games and lies. Basically you already fucked it up. Someday he will realize that he loves the idea of you and not the real you. I might sound harsh but within games you can never see the real person.

    The big question is that is the real you worth loving? If you think so and you are confident enough stop playing games. If it is not, still stop playing games because he deserves better.

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  • Like seriously? Why would you do this to him? The guy does all of this for you and that's your response? You're just not so great of a person to date in all honesty...

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  • You damaged him. Don't be surprised if be dumps you. You're so selfish...

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  • ... seriously? why would you treat someone you actually like like this?

    I really hope he's banging other girls on the side. Or maybe he's banging you on the side.

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  • you're a bitch.

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  • I'd say dump him, he deserves better.

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  • Why would you do this? News flash: most people hate when people play hard to get (which you've gone way beyond), and prefer people to be honest. Good luck fixing this. If he really loves you you might be able to repair the damage, but only if you really love him. This is bad, really bad. I rarely ever get a phone number or a date, but I'd rather be single and suffer through being alone than put up with what you've done.

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  • Lol easy, ask him spend time with you. That all

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  • Treat him the way you would like to be treated.

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  • Yes, you should stop not healthy for the relationship

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  • You are a fucking bitch! Your are a insecure and immature person and that's why you play games...
    If I was in your bfs place I would have dumped you so early in the relationship...

    Seriously girls like you in my opinion are weak and dumb...
    No wonder he feels not loved... I hope he dumps you.. Cause he is one weak ass guy for putting up with your bullshit... But that's only because he loved you...

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    • And one more thing... You suck as a girlfriend... you are the worst girlfriend one can even get

  • I had a girlfriend who did this, I broke up with her

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  • You're a piece of shit.

    This will probably get deleted soon for "being too offensive" but it's true and I want you to read it and take it to heart as long as it remains posted, then I hope someone else takes the time to repost the same message, because it's 100% true. You make women look bad, and you bring shame to human beings everywhere.

    Again, you're a piece of shit.

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  • You realize that those feelings of guilt? They're deserved. And more. You've treated the guy like absolute dirt.

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  • The fact that you are playing games and know it shows how he deserves better.
    You are the kind of female that end up alone and bitter because the "are no nice guys"

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What Girls Said 13

  • There's a huge difference between being mysterious and just being a bitch. It's time to start gettng honest with him, opening up and sharing.

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  • You sound like a horrible person. Playing hard to get shouldn't happen when you got the guy. Omg I feel really bad for your boyfriend.

    You need to see him and apologise and tell him why you have been acting stupid. You need to tel him that you wanted to be mysterious and that you were playing hard to get. And promise him that, that shit is not going to happen again. It's his choice. If he leaves you, I don't really blame him.

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  • Just do him a favor and go!

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  • You weren't being mysterious. You were being an emotionally abusive cunterella that's a poor excuse for a girlfriend. He deserves much better than you.

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  • This behaviour is why he's insecure. You're a complete asshole for treating him this way, he deserves way better and he probably will never trust you as a result because of these games.

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  • Welp, i believe if you truly love him you should go on Google and type in how to love a man, and how to keep him, how to make a man feel secure, and masculine, & more importantly how to not be insecure for yourself... Because unless he's told you he's insecure he's probably not, he's probably so secure with himself that he can be himself in a relationship and open his heart because he's the one with pure intentions, & he believes you have pure intentions to. If you already told him what you've done and he wants nothing to do with you, move on for good and start focusing on yourself, and how to be a better you, learn from your mistakes.

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  • How did you guys end up in a relationship in the first place? I dont see the incentive on his part if you were really doing this from day one?

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    • i dont know why people are flipping out. I mean what done is done, and you have come for advice.. I'm just trying to sort out how it started because you had to have been kind at some point or he must really like games. id consider that. if you are done with games you have to question ho is it that he's struck with you all this time unless he gets a thrill out of it. does not add up , unless you were very different at some point. or are you guys having sex?

  • You should never play with people's emotions like that. Not cool at all.

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  • You're an asshole. Why would you treat someone like that who you supposedly care about?

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  • Sounds like you were just being a total jerk to him. I don't think he should have any respect for you.

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  • Most would be annoyed but its really sweet and nice to have a list.. lol.. i love you. Just perfect.

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  • No offense: but you're being a bitch, I've been on the other side of that. And it sucks, when you love someone and they do that crap to mess with you. I'm so grateful to have found a boyfriend who is so amazing now. But if you truly love him, then you wouldn't do that crap to him, it's just not right

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  • Yes.

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