How does a nice guy become a jerk to get a girlfriend?

I'm 26 and never had a girlfriend and never been on a date. I want a girlfriend, but I'm a nice guy and it just doesn't work. I want to change my personality and become a jerk so girls will like me more. How do I do this? Is it really possible to change my mindset completely?

  • Don't change, you'll get a girlfriend...*eventually*... maybe
    89% (51)45% (39)63% (90)Vote
  • Be a jerk and you will get a girlfriend
    2% (1)22% (19)14% (20)Vote
  • Sorry bro, nice guys finish last
    9% (5)33% (28)23% (33)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • If I wanted to date a jerk, I'd just walk out my front door and walk down the street. They are EVERYWHERE. I cannot stand it.
    Don't you EVER change. I mean it!
    I cannot stand douche bags and jerks... cannot fucking stand it.
    I'm surrounded by them.
    I'm 21 and I've never had a boyfriend. This is one of the main reasons... because I'm surrounded by total d-bags.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Ignore all these comments made by women. They're dead wrong. Some women prefer nice guys, other women prefer jerks. But it does seem that the jerks have more success than nice guys. In my experience over many years, women are more likely to go after you when you are a jerk. Just give it a try and see how it goes.

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What Girls Said 26

  • I'm sorry but i'm so tired of guys like this. i actually consider this an insult to women, because ur basically telling us that we ALL fall for guys who are fucking douchebags. some of us have standards. some of us actually *gasps* LIKE nice guys, and some of us don't want a man who's faking to be something he's not!

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    • YES. A MILLION TIMES YES.

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    • pretending like that doesn't happen is like saying the sky isn't blue, its not only insulting to the man since he clearly has witnessed this but its detrimental to women who do want a nice guy because no woman wants to admit to this and thus further convinces him and every other man that women do not want nice guys. Ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away, it just makes it worse.
      4. Clearly I was not reffering to all women. Again that would be a logical fallacy of division/composition. I was merely pointing out the commoness of this, if it wasn't then you would not hear this complaint enough to be so annoyed by it that you just insult the guy saying it instead of dealing with the actual issue.
      As I said I am not saying this to attack or insult but to try and get you to see it from his and most mens perspectives. Insults/attacks and ignoring his experiences isn't going to solve the problem, letting him know that they are ancedotal will.

    • it is an insult too women but it's true
      being an asshole gets women around us simple fact
      especially if we have money than they won't wanna leave are side

  • NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Don't do that. There are so many jerks in the world. Don't do it. Don't be like them.

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  • You should just be yourself. Work on being confident in the type of person you are. Realize that the people who need someone to treat them like shit for them to start to like them are not healthy , and that you deserve someone who is healthy and whole. Learn to appreciate that you were raised right and are a good, kind person who doesn't need to put people down to feel good about yourself. Try to be strong enough to wait for someone who likes you for you and who you like for being themselves, and don't settle or change yourself for anyone. A lot of people settle because they are afraid of being alone and or because they need financial help and support. Though it may seem like it, a bunch of people aren't running around with their soulmate 100% happy with their romantic lives, while you have to be alone and watch from the sidelines, so don't feel bad and try to be strong enough not to settle. Try not to think about it too much, work on yourself, your skills and education, start new hobbies, create and sustain meaningful friendships, and enjoy your life without a significant other. When you've done all of that you'll attract someone. I saw your picture nothing i wrong with your looks but it doesn't seem like you are sending out the right signals to attract the right person and those signals come from being genuinely confident and happy with yourself , and your life as a single person, as well as from having a full fulfilling life.

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  • Are you serious right now? If you practice being a jerk, then you'll stay a jerk. And that is a great way for anyone to get rid of me. Good riddance

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    • Okay maybe i was referring to being very assertive. But Im way too nice and Im certain my niceness would bore girls to death

  • I can't believe guys actually think like this. A guy that I was talking to for awhile had kind of the same mind set. He thought that he was too nice so it was easy for people to take advantage of him. He also said that he had been broken up with before because he was "too nice".

    If you ever think you can't get a girl because your two nice then you are simply looking in the wrong places. If a girl doesn't like you because you're not "mean enough" then she's the stupid one. Not you. Don't change. Girls that are looking for a serious relationship will respect you for you.

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  • don't be a jerk, there's too many jerks out there in this world and there's many women trying to find non-jerks ahah :)

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    • Don't' mind , is it so?
      Most of all girls say don't be a jerk but when comes to dating they fell for the jerks.

    • Thats good to know 😊 maybe I've only seen the wrong kind of girls?

    • @Manab yeah they fall for jerks, but do they ever last long in a relationship with them? have you seen how many girls fall for jerks and get hurt bad? hence why being a jerk isn't the way to go :)

      @Asker yeah most probs, there are decent girls out there, jsut needa find them :)

  • There's a difference between being assertive and being an asshole. You don't have to be an asshole to be assertive.

    Instead of relying on basic human decency and kindness to attract people, maybe develop a personality. Get some new hobbies. Do some things that interest you that will put you in mixed company. If you happen to meet someone that you're romantically interested in, TELL THEM UPFRONT INSTEAD OF WAITING FOR THEM TO REALIZE YOU LIKE THEM.

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    • Okay you are right about that, but I think being assertive is having good social skills too. I am in a video game club, but its all guys. Im trying to find out where it is that girls hang out at, but I can't figure this out.

      To be romantically interested in someone, would I have to wait a while or could I just tell the girl like soon after I meet her?

    • You can say it as soon as you feel it, but just going up to someone like "I like you/You're pretty!" will be a bit weird.

      I don't think that video games are really conducive to cultivating social skills. There's not a whole lot of interaction involved. Maybe try a board game club instead (or in addition).

    • MHO right here.

  • With that attitude you won't ever get one smh smh

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  • Think of things this way.
    Would you rather be happy being yourself with someone who likes you for you.
    Or become a miserable ass like the rest of the world be with some bitch who you probably barely like well acting like someone you're not

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  • Assholes get girlfriends right away. But not the right type of girls. And even they did get the right girls, it wasn't in the right way, nor in the right intentions. While nice guys usually never get a girlfriend, and if they do, it's usually the right type of girl. Unless he just desperately falls for any girl willing to date him that usually turns out to hurt him. So yes, being a nice guy may SEEM like you can't get a girlfriend. But EVENTUALLY you will find the RIGHT one. Instead of being the asshole who gets any random girl that probably isn't even worth it.

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  • Girls won't like you more. Trust me. Be yourself.

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    • I am shy, quiet, and too nice. I need to change something somehow 😔

    • I like shy and quiet guys. So do tons of other girls. And there's nothing wrong with being nice so long as you aren't allowing yourself to be a pushover.

  • Good news, your whining and devaluing of women as creatures only attracted to assholes already makes you an asshole.

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  • start punching babies and stare right at the girl while you do it to maintain dominance and get her all hot for u playa

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    • Might be a bit excessive but it could work? 😆

    • It works universally on every single girl, srs. If it doesn't work on a girl for some god unknown reasons, she's clearly insane.

  • You're not gonna get a girlfriends if you really believe "nice guys finish last"
    Try having some other qualities than just being nice.

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  • Don't be a jerk, just grow a pair of balls and ask a girl out

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    • Okay and also, there is a difference in being all over a girl and scaring her away by being super intense, or just having the guts to express yourself like 'hey i think you're a cool girl, maybe we could hang out sometimes', and taking your loss if she says no. If she says no it doesn't mean she's a bitch or want a jerk, she's just not that into you. Too bad, better luck next time. Having the confidence to do that, is actually attractive. And i know a lot of girls would feel the same way.

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    • a lot of typos in that last comment

    • mmmkay. Yes well that isn't something i'd mention on the first couple of dates lol, but not anything to be really embarassed about either. As long as you're not weird about it and stand behind your choice right?

  • You are probably the type of guy who would never date an ugly girl or a fat girl even if she showed you attention. You wnat a super model barbie doll right?

    Actually dont even date an ugly girl, you would probably just hurt her feelings

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  • Well I've tried the bitch route and it doesn't work in the long wrong so I voted A... but I say be more assertive.

    If you be a jerk you may get laid but not a girlfriend. friends with benefits maybe though

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    • Men and women don't think the same way. It's sad how decades of politically correct dogma have blinded so many people to this very obvious truth.

  • You definitely don't have to become a jerk to get girls, and I also strongly disagree with the saying "girls like jerks". However I guess many girls like a badboy vibe, mainly because it seems exiting and "new" in a sense...

    Be confident, ask a girl out, and just be yourself 100%. Maybe you'll have to meet a few different girls before you find the "right" one, but just go for it honestly.

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  • Your personality is the problem

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  • Don't change.

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  • Being a nice guy isn't your problem - it's something else. Reevaluate...

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    • Im too shy too? I dont know any girls and haven't asked any out

    • Aha, that is a big challenge that's holding you back. Try making small steps to overcome your shyness. Make conversation with cashiers, waitresses, etc. Then try talking to girls you know some. Then try talking to girls you are attracted to.

  • Likely you already are a jerk, so you don't need to change. Usually when a guy calls himself a 'nice guy' he actually isn't. He is one of those ones who feels entitled to the prettiest girl there is, and he does things for her to make her like him, and if she doesn't, she is a bitch. The so called 'nice guys' are usually manipulators.

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  • I just got turned off by a guy like this.. even though I was a little attracted to him.

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  • I once met this really nice guy (so I thought) he turned out be be a complete dickhead. I would rather go out with the nice guy or have no boyfriend at all than go out with a jerk.
    Plus, you shouldn't change who you are unless it's for you

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  • 😂😂😂😂😂😩😵😵 I love how shy guys with no confidence call themselves "nice guys"

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  • I'd say just gain more confidence, because honestly girls love guys who are so confident in everything they do or say. Like suave..

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What Guys Said 39

  • What the ladies replying here have forgotten to mention is that they want a nice guy who is attractive, confident and has an interesting personality.

    Work on those things and if you are genuinely nice, then girls will fall for you.

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  • What? why does a nice guy have to change himself to get a girlfriend?

    I mean a nice guy should be a nice guy no matter what the consequences may be, I mean yes he can certainly upgrade his character, for example being nice at the same time confident, assertive, mentally strong, a little rebellious and going for what he wants.

    However with these changes his basic nature, core personality shouldn't change, a nice guy just needs to integrate certain characteristics in him ( what I have mentioned above). If a nice guy does this, that should be enough for a woman to get attracted to him and for him to have a girlfriend. If it doesn't happen, then it doesn't happen. If the nice guy decides to upgrade his character then he should do it himself and because he wants to be a better person and not for all the wrong reasons.

    He doesn't have to outright change himself or become a bad boy altogether, that is totally not required, it's much better to remain single instead of changing yourself for the sake of getting a girlfriend!. That's not the right way of going about things.

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  • Their is nothing wrong with being nice, however their is an issue with too nice. Basicly your still a man and while you should be a gentlemen that doesn't mean you allow yourself to be walked over either, you don't bend over backwards for her everytime she asks you have clear boundaries and if you are convinced of something then you do not give it up simply because she or others wants you to. Basicly be yourself, empathize but do not be manipulated, either they like you for you or they don't and they can go elsewhere. This is the mentality you need to have if you are an asshole yeah, women will flock to you because quite honestly a lot of women are abit broken currently and don't understand what strength is, they think being detached and an asshole is confidence (in fact its the opposite, its over compensation) but this will only mean that you where not man enough to be yourself, you became what they wanted you to become and they will leave you. You don't want to live your life being some one else. I would say try and think of it like being a father, basicly a father is loving and kind he wants to see his children happy BUT if said child does something stupid he will absolutely call the child out, he will even punish the child if necessary. This is kind of what you would want, you want the girl to be happy but you also need to show that your strong enough to be yourself and to call them out if they do something wrong. You need to be a good guy not a good doormat. I know its hard because things in our soceity are kind of screwed up with women always going for jerks and then saying they want a nice guy but this is as far as I can tell, what works and what women want (and I think honestly its what men want, to be nice but also strong). Just keep that in mind when you next try to go on a date or what have you. Also be interesting talk about your passions (just don't only talk bout yoursel obviously). She wants to know your an individual and so you also need to convey that you have interest that you are your own person (nothing says confidence and strength like being your own person and being yourself). Hope that helps.

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  • You just need to make your feelings known and be confident. Not every girl is going to be available or want you, but being a jerk doesn't change that fact one way or the other.

    Confidence will make or break you.

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  • Whoa, so many brutal comments!

    John, as someone who has "been there," don't be a jerk.

    The jerks who get women are authentically assholish - but they're still authentic. Plus, women are not robots who are programmed to get wet from mistreatment. The "jerks" they fall for always have other attractive qualities (e. g., looks, intelligence, personality, or sense of humor).

    Now, if you are being extra nice to girls just so they'll like you, are you really being authentic yourself? Or are you just giving to get? That is, are you pretending to be the "good guy" who's not looking for sex, when that's on your mind CONSTANTLY? Yes, you are.

    So again, you gotta be authentic.

    Pro-tip: Hang with buddies or some other guys and remember how that feels inside when you're having fun and just being yourself.

    I'm pretty sure that version of you is not a "Nice guy" or an asshole. He's just you. When a woman sees that and she likes how you look, things are pretty easy after that.

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  • yeah, you can. if you act like a jerk you will eventually become one. especially if you see it working. fake it till you make it mentality. However, you will meet girls that you have a lot of chemistry with that won't like you because they actually like who you would be if you just liked yourself a little more.

    in other words if you're just trying to get laid then yeah being a jerk works but if you're trying to feel good about yourself and eventually be in a loving relationship then it won't work

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  • I understand what you mean. I used to be like you myself. But I am 100% sure you don't know what nice guy, good guy and jerk/bad boy means. And sadly, so do most guys.

    Let me give you one example. Girls like guys with qualities. One of them is having a backbone. However it is often that the jerks/bad boys show this quality more than a nice guy. But if you think about it a nice guy can show just as much backbone as a jerk. So in other words you don't have to be jerk to get the girls. This just one example of qualities you must possess.

    It is about showing those qualities. Not by shouting them of every rooftop because that won't work. And faking them won't work either because girls see right through that. It is about living those qualities. In other words being that person.

    Women look totally different at men than men look at women so you cannot draw from your own point of view. You have to understand their psychology better. Maybe have some female friends and be really friends with them (and secretly wanna date them). You learn a lot that way.

    In the meantime work on yourself. Become more confident in life. You will see that once you are confident about the qualities you already possess you also attract more girls.

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  • It's an weird thing, but if you do treat women like a man, they tend to want you more. What I mean by that is do you buy a man dinner or open the door for a man?

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    • Just what i was thinking. I dont want to treat a girl like a guy because that's not something I've ever done. I would open the door...

  • Be a genuinely nice guy that 1) makes himself look as physically attractive as possible, and 2) knows how to playfully tease girls [this is the "jerk" u need to add]

    Giving loving affection and compliments ALL the time is boring as fuck to women. Girls just wanna have fun so playfully tease them and mess with them sometimes. Sounds counter-intuitive but it does work!

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    • That's not genuine niceness. That's self-assertion, which is selfish, and which, according to conventional morality, is immoral.

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    • People have a problem with the ideas, not the messengers.

    • @evenlift I have to disagree, the way an idea is said matters greatly if the idea is received or not

  • You don't become a jerk to get a girlfriend. You become a jerk to get easy pussy. You stay a good guy to get the perfect girl.
    Do you really think a jerk would ever get a good girl? No.

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    • To get easy pussy i can just pay escorts which is what I've done for a while. I just need to act 'slightly' like a jerk. If Im too nice, girls will notice. I mean im 25 and never had a girlfriend, somethings wrong

    • You don't have to be a jerk, but you can't be all nice and out her before you. You don't know her, you can't treat her better than you treat yourself, girls don't like that, no one likes that. Once you're in a relationship then yeah, you have to put hee before you, but before that, no.
      When it comes to flirting there's where you gotta joke around and act cocky. It's just teasing and games, it's no big deal cause she knows it's just a game and that when games are over you're not a jerk.
      It's not like you're gonna become a full jerk.

  • Faking something that you're not is exhausting, you should be yourself... and if you want to change anything then change your attitude and approach when it comes to women.
    It's a pretty sad day when being nice is being portrayed as a bad thing.

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  • You probably come across as desperate and are too nice to women. Treat them as equals. Don't be a jerk.

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  • Its not about being a nice guy or being a jerk its about your personality and you, and don't go trying to change to a jerk mate , bad bad move
    Maybe look elsewhere? Move around? Get out of your comfort zone? Try new things? Join clubs? Project confidence even if your shit scared. Its first impressions that count remember that

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  • Don't be a white knight don't help a woman when she is in "trouble" like some guy is just trying to flirt with her and she doesn't like it, don't try to protect her. Don't hold doors for women, don't pull her chair out when on a date, and lastly just be yourself and don't give a fuck don't lower your standards just because you become desperate and don't sugar coat anything if you think a woman is acting like a bitch call her out on it even if its in a classroom call her out on it and just say exactly what's on your mind.

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  • Nope don't change we got way, way to many douche, idiots and sleezebags we don't need to add anymore.

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  • Just start yelling and throwing things! That'll get her into you for sure!

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  • Better idea: Find a girl who likes loser Beta guys. There are plenty of them, maybe find a dating site that specializes in Central & South American women.

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  • I've stopped being nice to girls and it's starting to work... slowly. I find girls starting to talk to me more and I'm just playing it cool. Not showing too much attraction, because so many of these girls eventually tell me they have a boyfriend. So like you said, being a jerk is so much better because you get no more respect for being nice. To be more of a jerk, just act like nothing girls do to you bothers you and don't be afraid to call them out on their bullshit.

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  • The fact that you've never been on a date, why is that? Did you ever ask a girl out that goes without saying. You gotta get into the game dude. I mean I haven't either, but you gotta hunt if you want it. You gotta get out there and ask chicks out.

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    • I dont know any girls and never asked a girl out. Im shy and a nice guy. Do random approaches work? 😔

  • You already messed up. You don't need to be a jerk. You need to be a man.

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  • You already are a jerk if you think this way.

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  • I vote D: Be a kind person, but make yourself attractive to women.

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  • "I want a girlfriend, but I'm a nice guy and it just doesn't work."

    I have officially decided I have no idea what in the fuck this means.

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  • Here is a very basic solution.

    1 - Stop obsessing over Nice vs Bad.
    2 - Stop being a doormat.
    3 - Be a Decent Person.

    It fucking amazes me how everyone who's nice guy cries and girls go for bad guys while in reality woman are rather have the Decent Guy. You know the gray area in the middle of Good as Bad.

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  • If a guy can't get a girlfriend, it's because his personality is boring as fuck lol. Stop pinning it on being nice

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  • Don't change, you'll get a girlfriend. ... eventually? Maybe? wow some hope. Lol... you'll make a great motivational speaker..

    ...

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  • Depends, do you want a bitch for a gf? Thats what douche bags get.

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  • I think you're doing a good job being a jerk right now :D So no worries!

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  • You're looking in the wrong places

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