How nice is too nice when it comes to guys' treatment of women?

I think most people will have heard the theory that girls 'love jerks' and 'hate nice guys' either on GaG or elsewhere online. This has led plenty of guys to ask if they need to treat women worse (or to just be more selfish) to become attractive. When I see people respond, most girls seem to dismiss it as crazy while most guys seem to think there's something to that theory.

So how nice is 'too nice' when it comes to guys' treatment of women they are attracted to? Does chivalry make a man unattractive and should men act more 'modern' (e. g. hook-up culture)?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Ok, to be completely honest this varies from one woman to the next as does everything. To illustrate:

    When men get mad they generally either go quiet and distance themselves or get verbally angry or have a temper or anywhere in between on a sliding scale.

    I grew up in a house where my dad had a temper. Being 8 and having a grown man in my face screaming was pretty scary. I'm a full grown adult and am pretty unphased by a man with a temper. I can handle it. I'm used to it. If a man goes quiet it is scary as hell because I don't know where his head is at! I know women who are the complete opposite and feel disrespected when a man yells but could care less if he went quiet out of anger.

    Some women are attracted to the "muscular type." Some like the "cute" guys, some like chubby, etc. It varies

    My bff hates it when a man puts her on a pedestal and opens doors and is chivalrous because sheet feels like it is pressuring her to be perfect to live up to being on the pedestal. I've had a bit of a rough past with a bad marriage where I got stuck doing everything and when my boyfriend opens doors or gets the stroller out of my car while I get my daughter or helps me out by putting my food in the to go box while I tend to my past tired daughter, I feel like he is there for me and I'm not alone. I feel like he is "with me." And after what I went through it is a HUGE turn on to feel like that.

    I think the biggest thing is to be yourself instead of trying to be what you thin in a woman wants because frankly--we all value different things.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I simply treat someone how I would want to be treated if I were in their position and also based upon how they treat me.

    My life is pretty ruled by these two phrases in this regard.

    An eye for an eye a tooth for a tooth a life for a life.

    Do unto others as you would do unto yourself.


What Girls Said 5

  • Being a doormat or putting a woman on a pedestal are two things some guy's do that they think are nice but are big turn offs for women.

    Being actually too nice isn't a thing. It's just, a lot of the stuff guys think is "nice" actually isn't (like the examples I already mentioned, and doing nice things with an ulterior motive / expecting a return on your "niceness" investment).

    • its called BRIBE FOR SEX.

    • Surely putting a woman on a pedestal can be easily misunderstood with being nice? I mean normal parts of dating like offering to pay for a date, kneeling down to propose or opening the door for a woman is pretty ass-kissing behaviour when I think about it rationally.

    • I agree and being a doormat and putting a woman on a pedestal does not mean that the guy truly cares for the girl

  • It depends on the context, if a guy is nice and buying flowers and stuff too early when he meets her this may come across as the guy trying to get laid and a girl may question is modus operandi. It makes any person look desperate when they first meet someone and the next day they are in love and want to text lovey dovey text

    I personally prefer quiet guys
    Loud bold guys turn me off

  • I'm sorry I just don't get all this
    What nice , too nice , mean rude why would u change who u are to impress someone or fool them into liking you :/
    I mean sooner or later the real geek or the real sweet heart or badass will show... right?
    So just be u. How ever u are and the girl that likes u for u will find u :)

    • Yeah it can be a bit weird.

      I think some guys (and I kinda agree) think women can only be attracted to guys who can be, well, not nice sometimes.

    • Yeah I guess
      But then I don't like those girls

  • It genuinely all depends on the female in question. Every one has individual preferences and experiences. I've come across a lot of women who like the "bad guy" because they feel it's a challenge and it can be a self-esteem thing if they can be the one to tame the beast. There are others who the first hint of hard work and they are not interested and look for the nicer option. Personally I like chivalry and thoughtfulness rather than hard work 90% of the time with grand gestures to make up for this.
    I think a lot of the time, it's not niceness that is unattractive, it's dependency and neediness which unfortunately can appear to manifest if someone is overly nice and caring, again depending on someones past experiences.
    There's no hard and fast rule, what's nice to someone is simply not to others. You just need to take each situation as it comes.

  • Being nice doesn't turn her off. She was never turned on. Sometimes the niceness hides any real personality. Sometimes the guy is hoping that doing favors overcomes a big challenge like social anxiety or being overweight, when he should be working on that. Maybe he doesn't see her as a real person, only something beautiful for him to possess. Maybe the guy is chasing someone who is just a bad fit - like a straight edge boy thinking he should be with a wild party girl because he thinks she's so pretty.

    I've seen all of these things.


What Guys Said 4

  • Women say something but emotionally respond to other thing.
    Nice guys act like pleasers, approval seeking behaviour, needy, clingy, insecure etc
    Whereas the jerks /bad boys- they march to the beat of their own drums, and that makes a woman feel safe with them.
    thats how attraction works

    • The most attractive are dudes who are confident / March to their own drum as you put it, but are respectful of other people, including and especially the women they date or sleep with.

      You can be nice without being a doormat, and you can be confident and self assured without being a dick.

    • Show All
    • Like I already explained - we don't always see that they're a jerk at the beginning. Oftentimes a guy who's a real dick later on treats us really well at first. We CAN see a lack of confidence right off the bat...

    • @Sara413 Ah ok. Thanks for answering.

  • just dont be a doormat, thats pretty much it I say.

    being nice and being her pile driving slave are 2 completely different things.

  • I don't give hand outs, regardless of gender.

    If you're a moron, I'll call you a moron. If you're smart, I'll talk to you like a human being.

    Tough but at least I'm fair.

  • You are too nice when you are letting her step on you and your self respect